Author Topic: But But I don't want to eat that....... (Read 5314 times)

Hmmm · « **Reply #15 on:** April 10, 2019, 09:14:05 am »

Quote from: Aleko on April 10, 2019, 01:45:35 am

Quote
Is there a dog you can feed under the table?

Please, no! Not even in jest. It's bad enough when people feed their own pets at table, but to feed other people's animals - even if what you're slipping them isn't something wholly unsuitable and unhealthy for them such as sponge cake - is a foul, foul fault.

Feeding other people's animals other than with their owners' explicit approval is by definition rude to the owners, and what's more it is cruel to the animals. Never, never do it.

Yep... my sister slipped our beagle a piece of meat while we dining outside once. She has never done it again and now cautions others that they may be expelled from our home for the offense and that she is only invited back because she is family.

Our animals are not allowed near our dining tables when we eat. If you want to have dogs under foot in your home when dining, fine, but you will not encourage that behavior in our home.

PVZFan · « **Reply #16 on:** April 10, 2019, 10:04:13 am »

To the main question I, also, like a simple, "No thank you," when the cake is being plated. If it's served to me, I try to say, "No thanks," before it's set in front of me. If I miss those two opportunities, I simply don't eat it.

To the side conversation about feeding pets (I think the original suggestion was facetious) if a family pet is pestering me for food, I say, "Benji's really working me. Is he allowed to have (X)? I'm a super-soft touch!" They'll either say "No" and move Benji along or I'll be allowed to slip Benji some treats.

gellchom · « **Reply #17 on:** April 11, 2019, 04:28:08 pm »

I'd eat some or all of both cakes, or none of either.

I can't think of a gracious way for the OP to eat only the chocolate cake that she made herself and not the cake her hostess made, or even to eat just a bite or two of the sponge cake while polishing off the chocolate.

If it would be too hard to eat roughly the same amount of each, then I'd just say no thanks to dessert entirely. I'd be disappointed if I really wanted some chocolate cake, but it just seems too insulting otherwise, as if I were saying, "Only the cake I made myself is good enough for me; I'm a much better baker." And it's just a piece of cake, not some huge sacrifice.

Jem · « **Reply #18 on:** April 11, 2019, 04:54:11 pm »

“And it's just a piece of cake, not some huge sacrifice.”

Yes, it is just a piece of cake, not some sort of statement about the friendship or the woman who baked the cake or even the cake itself! I would eat what I want to eat, not eat what I don’t want to eat, and just cheerfully brush it off if anyone were so rude as to question my choices. “Have some sponge cake!” “Oh, no thanks! So, tell me more about Billy’s soccer season!”

TootsNYC · « **Reply #19 on:** April 11, 2019, 08:02:41 pm »

Quote from: DaDancingPsych on April 08, 2019, 02:26:05 pm

I have heard that with plated food that the polite thing to do is to take a few polite bites and not worry about finishing. I am not a huge fan of this when you know that you do not want something, as it seems rather wasteful. I think that it would be better to decline. I think that in this specific case since you made the other cake, that I would decline ALL dessert (even if I knew that I would enjoy mine.) I think that the polite fiction of not wanting dessert would be better than selecting my recipe over the hostess's. If I knew the hostess well, then I might say, "No sponge cake for me; it's not really my thing. Please save my piece for someone who will thoroughly appreciate it!" But I would never want the individual to think that I liked mine better, especially when I was not even giving theirs a chance!

It is even MORE wasteful for you to put calories in your bodies that you do not need and do not enjoy. It actively harms you.

Once it's been plated, there is no "putting it back." I agree that if you can head off the arrival of the food on your plate, you should.

I would just cut a bite of and smush it around on my plate while no one was looking, so it looks like you tasted it at least, and then eat the part you do want.

But it is

TootsNYC · « **Reply #20 on:** April 11, 2019, 08:05:03 pm »

Quote from: Hmmm on April 10, 2019, 09:14:05 am

Quote from: Aleko on April 10, 2019, 01:45:35 am
Quote
Is there a dog you can feed under the table?

Please, no! Not even in jest. It's bad enough when people feed their own pets at table, but to feed other people's animals - even if what you're slipping them isn't something wholly unsuitable and unhealthy for them such as sponge cake - is a foul, foul fault.

Feeding other people's animals other than with their owners' explicit approval is by definition rude to the owners, and what's more it is cruel to the animals. Never, never do it.

Yep... my sister slipped our beagle a piece of meat while we dining outside once. She has never done it again and now cautions others that they may be expelled from our home for the offense and that she is only invited back because she is family.

Our animals are not allowed near our dining tables when we eat. If you want to have dogs under foot in your home when dining, fine, but you will not encourage that behavior in our home.

Never, ever, ever feed someone else's pet or someone else's child.

For one things, allergies in pets are real. For another, you can ruin someone's training.

I had a cat that had no interest in people food. Then I had a big party and walked into the living room to discover one of my friend COAXING my cat to eat ham or turkey. Bammo! I had to fight that cat off the table for YEARS.
I was pretty pissed--and I called her out on it the moment I saw it. I wasn't just angry--I was SHOCKED!

Who does that?!?!?

Luci · « **Reply #21 on:** April 11, 2019, 11:00:38 pm »

Quote from: TootsNYC on April 11, 2019, 08:05:03 pm

Quote from: Hmmm on April 10, 2019, 09:14:05 am
Quote from: Aleko on April 10, 2019, 01:45:35 am
Quote
Is there a dog you can feed under the table?

Please, no! Not even in jest. It's bad enough when people feed their own pets at table, but to feed other people's animals - even if what you're slipping them isn't something wholly unsuitable and unhealthy for them such as sponge cake - is a foul, foul fault.

Feeding other people's animals other than with their owners' explicit approval is by definition rude to the owners, and what's more it is cruel to the animals. Never, never do it.

Yep... my sister slipped our beagle a piece of meat while we dining outside once. She has never done it again and now cautions others that they may be expelled from our home for the offense and that she is only invited back because she is family.

Our animals are not allowed near our dining tables when we eat. If you want to have dogs under foot in your home when dining, fine, but you will not encourage that behavior in our home.

Never, ever, ever feed someone else's pet or someone else's child.

For one things, allergies in pets are real. For another, you can ruin someone's training.

I had a cat that had no interest in people food. Then I had a big party and walked into the living room to discover one of my friend COAXING my cat to eat ham or turkey. Bammo! I had to fight that cat off the table for YEARS.
I was pretty pissed--and I called her out on it the moment I saw it. I wasn't just angry--I was SHOCKED!

Who does that?!?!?

I assumed that people know not to feed pets, so I thought it was funny. I guess I always overestimate human intelligence. That’s what happened with the not playing with pets or service animals without without permission. Silly me.

lowspark · « **Reply #22 on:** April 12, 2019, 08:48:37 am »

Quote from: Gellchom on April 11, 2019, 04:28:08 pm

I'd eat some or all of both cakes, or none of either.

I can't think of a gracious way for the OP to eat only the chocolate cake that she made herself and not the cake her hostess made, or even to eat just a bite or two of the sponge cake while polishing off the chocolate.

If it would be too hard to eat roughly the same amount of each, then I'd just say no thanks to dessert entirely. I'd be disappointed if I really wanted some chocolate cake, but it just seems too insulting otherwise, as if I were saying, "Only the cake I made myself is good enough for me; I'm a much better baker." And it's just a piece of cake, not some huge sacrifice.

I'm sorta surprised that you feel that way. I think we always say here, and I'm fairly certain you've mentioned it, that it's rude to notice what your guests are eating or not eating.

In reality, guests quite often leave food on their plates. No one is obligated to finish everything, whether they serve themselves or whether the food is plated for them. And I would say, most especially if the food is plated for them without first asking what they want.

I think the fact that it's a dessert may be influencing our answers. If you are a guest at someone's house and they make the main dish and a side, and you also provide a side, does that mean you have to eat either both sides or neither?

I would probably eat at least a bite of the sponge cake, but I would not feel obligated to finish it, nor would I think I had to eat an equal amount of both. And I'd really have no trouble saying that I only wanted one of the offered desserts, even if it meant I was only eating the one I brought. And if the roles were reversed, where I was hostess and a guest did what I just described, it wouldn't even be a blip on my radar. Everyone has their preferences and moods.

Luci · « **Reply #23 on:** April 12, 2019, 09:25:01 am »

We served Thanksgiving dinner for 15 years to up to 40 people. By seeing what was thrown out is how I learned what was liked and disliked by my guests so I could adjust the following years. I never commented on what anyone served themselves or tasted and rejected. If people ate everything just to be polite, I would never know.

gellchom · « **Reply #24 on:** April 12, 2019, 03:50:26 pm »

Oh, I didn't mean that, if I were the host in this situation, I would comment on what someone ate or didn't eat, or that I would find it rude if they didn't eat the cake I served, only their own. I agree with all of you there. But you can happen to notice an untouched plate without monitoring your guests' eating, and you can get your feelings hurt without judging anyone as rude.

I was looking at it as if I were the guest, not the host. What would be the nicest thing to do?

I think that the host's feelings might be hurt if I ate a slice of the cake I brought and none of theirs, especially if they worked hard on it and were really proud of it. I wouldn't want to do that.

Plating desserts -- especially 2 slices of cake -- without asking the guests what they want just sets you up for this, though, doesn't it? I mean, that's a lot of dessert. Not to mention having a guest bring cake when you are also making a cake. If the host would just ask first, I would say, "Just a tiny slice of each, please," and then eat enough of the sponge cake that it wasn't obvious that I was polishing off the chocolate but leaving almost all of the sponge. If that meant that I got a little less chocolate cake into me than I would've preferred, that's not really a big sacrifice. It's worth it to be kind to my friend, in my opinion.

(And I am not a fan of sponge cake, either.)

LifeOnPluto · « **Reply #25 on:** April 12, 2019, 11:48:29 pm »

Ooh, awkward situation, especially if you really want to eat the cake that YOU baked!

I do think however, that the hostess is being rather presumptuous in plating up her cake without asking people first if they actually want some.

I like the idea of just asking for a small piece of each cake. Or, if that's not possible, just taking a few bites of the hostess's cake.

Unfortunately, I think once both pieces have been plated it would be rather rude and hurtful to scoff down your own cake, and leave all of the hostess's cake untouched.

jpcher · « **Reply #26 on:** April 13, 2019, 11:16:04 am »

Actually, I think the hostess was rather graceful with serving both of the cakes on each plate. Instead of asking each guest "Would you like this cake or that one?" she plated the entire dessert offering, as a good hostess should, without questions that might disturb the flow of the service.

Did she plate the entree as well or was the main meal served family style?

Plated meals/desserts, in my world, is a very thoughtful, classic way of entertaining for dinner.

In the case of a plated dessert (or meal), eat what you want to eat. Express extreme gratitude to the hostess, relax and enjoy the hospitality.

Pandorica · « **Reply #27 on:** April 13, 2019, 01:06:04 pm »

I like the *idea* that everyone gets to try both, but I'd hope that the hostess would not get upset/insulted if some it doesn't get eaten. I'm a picky eater, and in all likelihood, most of both cakes would be left on my plate.

lisastitch · « **Reply #28 on:** April 13, 2019, 03:31:04 pm »

As someone who loves making (and eating!) desserts--
I make dessert for Thanksgiving and Easter, and we host an Oktoberfest in the fall. For all of these events, I try to have three different desserts, with different flavors and textures, so maybe one chocolate, one lemon, and one spice, because I want to be sure that everyone will find something that they like. For Easter and Thanksgiving, desserts are plated, but it's "Lisa has made X, Y, and Z for dessert. Which one(s) do you want?" If they want all three, great; if they just want one (but enjoy it!), great.

Contrarian · « **Reply #29 on:** April 13, 2019, 05:00:19 pm »

I’ve never been at a dinner party where the dessert was plated first. I’ve only seen this at buffets.
Even with up to twelve people at a table, the host typically asks each guests what they would like from the two choices of what ever is available, and it’s not weird to chose one, or both or none, and during this time the usual table chatter just keeps going.
I haven’t seen 3 choices unless the third choice is fruit which is often there to accent one of the other choices.
I’m starting to wonder why I’ve never seen this, I’m clearly eating with the same group of people all the time.
If I were OP, I would just politely decline any dessert. Surely some of the other guests are one and not the other slice? I’d be curious to see what that ratio was like.

Bad Manners and Brimstone

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Author Topic: But But I don't want to eat that....... (Read 5314 times)

Hmmm

Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......

PVZFan

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gellchom

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Jem

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TootsNYC

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TootsNYC

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Luci

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lowspark

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Luci

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gellchom

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LifeOnPluto

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jpcher

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Pandorica

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lisastitch

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Contrarian

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