Author Topic: But But I don't want to eat that....... (Read 5316 times)

DaDancingPsych · « **Reply #30 on:** April 15, 2019, 08:38:25 am »

Quote from: TootsNYC on April 11, 2019, 08:02:41 pm

Quote from: DaDancingPsych on April 08, 2019, 02:26:05 pm
I have heard that with plated food that the polite thing to do is to take a few polite bites and not worry about finishing. I am not a huge fan of this when you know that you do not want something, as it seems rather wasteful. I think that it would be better to decline. I think that in this specific case since you made the other cake, that I would decline ALL dessert (even if I knew that I would enjoy mine.) I think that the polite fiction of not wanting dessert would be better than selecting my recipe over the hostess's. If I knew the hostess well, then I might say, "No sponge cake for me; it's not really my thing. Please save my piece for someone who will thoroughly appreciate it!" But I would never want the individual to think that I liked mine better, especially when I was not even giving theirs a chance!

It is even MORE wasteful for you to put calories in your bodies that you do not need and do not enjoy. It actively harms you.

Once it's been plated, there is no "putting it back." I agree that if you can head off the arrival of the food on your plate, you should.

I would just cut a bite of and smush it around on my plate while no one was looking, so it looks like you tasted it at least, and then eat the part you do want.

But it is

I agree with you, Toots, it is harmful to our bodies, too. The etiquette that I know (assuming that it ever was a thing) is pretty old and probably from a time when we were all expected to clean our plates. I think it is more acceptable now to only eat what you want. Either way, waste to food / waste to body, I am not a fan.

DaDancingPsych · « **Reply #31 on:** April 15, 2019, 08:43:40 am »

Quote from: lowspark on April 12, 2019, 08:48:37 am

Quote from: Gellchom on April 11, 2019, 04:28:08 pm
I'd eat some or all of both cakes, or none of either.

I can't think of a gracious way for the OP to eat only the chocolate cake that she made herself and not the cake her hostess made, or even to eat just a bite or two of the sponge cake while polishing off the chocolate.

If it would be too hard to eat roughly the same amount of each, then I'd just say no thanks to dessert entirely. I'd be disappointed if I really wanted some chocolate cake, but it just seems too insulting otherwise, as if I were saying, "Only the cake I made myself is good enough for me; I'm a much better baker." And it's just a piece of cake, not some huge sacrifice.

I'm sorta surprised that you feel that way. I think we always say here, and I'm fairly certain you've mentioned it, that it's rude to notice what your guests are eating or not eating.

I agree that it would be rude for a host to comment on it. And assuming the best of this host, he/she probably wouldn't. But etiquette does not stop us from noticing things and the host might be hurt by the OP not eating the cake (even if no comment is made). I don't necessarily think that the OP is responsible for the host's feelings, but I know that I would not be comfortable doing something that could do just that. Hence why I would probably skip dessert entirely. Am I over thinking this and being overly cautious? Absolutely. But in the end I would feel better and not worry that I had secretly hurt the host.

Hmmm · « **Reply #32 on:** April 15, 2019, 09:24:52 am »

Quote from: Contrarian on April 13, 2019, 05:00:19 pm

I’ve never been at a dinner party where the dessert was plated first. I’ve only seen this at buffets.
Even with up to twelve people at a table, the host typically asks each guests what they would like from the two choices of what ever is available, and it’s not weird to chose one, or both or none, and during this time the usual table chatter just keeps going.
I haven’t seen 3 choices unless the third choice is fruit which is often there to accent one of the other choices.
I’m starting to wonder why I’ve never seen this, I’m clearly eating with the same group of people all the time.
If I were OP, I would just politely decline any dessert. Surely some of the other guests are one and not the other slice? I’d be curious to see what that ratio was like.

I've been to dinners or lunches where the host/hostess will plate the 2 deserts in the kitchen, offering a little bit of both, especially if one or both were brought by a guest. My late aunt would do that as it made it easier for her and she felt it kept anyone from either feeling like they should turn down dessert or feeling like they should ask for the dessert made by their host when they really wanted the chocolate cake they had brought.

I was at a ladies dinner last month where the hostess did the same thing. She didn't have to interrupt conversation to ask which desert each wanted or keep track of how many more slices of cheesecake versus pound cake versus both were needed.

I am one of those hostesses who feels like I should have some of the desert or other dish brought by a guest. But after 10 years of forcing down a little bit of SIL provided flan at each Thanksgiving and Easter, I finally stopped and hoped no one was paying too much attention to my desert plate since I am not supposed to be paying attention to theirs.

I know many are concerned about food waste when doing something like this.

lowspark · « **Reply #33 on:** April 15, 2019, 03:24:17 pm »

Ok I concede! Y'all are much nicer than I am.

I eat enough and weigh enough that I don't need to be putting extra food in my mouth on the chance that my hostess will notice my lack of interest in her dessert to the point of having her feelings hurt.

As a hostess, I do sometimes notice what people don't eat, just because I'm cleaning up the dishes. And yeah, as far as I can tell, no one is feeling that obligation to clear their plate. Lots of food ends up in the trash for whatever reason. Maybe they didn't like my food. I dunno. Or maybe their eyes were bigger than their stomach. I don't get my feelings hurt.

But yeah, I get it. Some people might. Food is a touchy subject both for the giver and for the receiver. You cook, you want people to eat. You are a guest, you don't want to make the host feel like you didn't appreciate their hospitality, but you also don't want to be eating food you don't like or can't eat for whatever reason.

I think the fact that dessert is a separate course, served on its own plate, is playing into this. If you go to a potluck and don't eat some of every dish, no one notices or cares. Or if there are multiple offerings at a seated dinner, you might still pick and choose which ones you want. And if you choose the side you brought over the side the hostess made, it might not be as obvious. The number of guests can also make a difference, four at dinner, versus twelve, for example.

oogyda · « **Reply #34 on:** April 22, 2019, 06:04:42 am »

Quote from: NFPwife on April 10, 2019, 10:04:13 am

To the main question I, also, like a simple, "No thank you," when the cake is being plated. If it's served to me, I try to say, "No thanks," before it's set in front of me. If I miss those two opportunities, I simply don't eat it.

To the side conversation about feeding pets (I think the original suggestion was facetious) if a family pet is pestering me for food, I say, "Benji's really working me. Is he allowed to have (X)? I'm a super-soft touch!" They'll either say "No" and move Benji along or I'll be allowed to slip Benji some treats.

Yes, it was entirely facetious. Thank you.

TootsNYC · « **Reply #35 on:** July 18, 2019, 04:39:15 pm »

Quote from: DaDancingPsych on April 15, 2019, 08:43:40 am

I agree that it would be rude for a host to comment on it. And assuming the best of this host, he/she probably wouldn't. But etiquette does not stop us from noticing things and the host might be hurt by the OP not eating the cake (even if no comment is made). I don't necessarily think that the OP is responsible for the host's feelings, but I know that I would not be comfortable doing something that could do just that. Hence why I would probably skip dessert entirely. Am I over thinking this and being overly cautious? Absolutely. But in the end I would feel better and not worry that I had secretly hurt the host.

That's why you're supposed to smush it around with your fork.

BeagleMommy · « **Reply #36 on:** September 12, 2019, 02:41:46 pm »

I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from wondering if I don't like her food.

My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but thanks".

Venus193 · « **Reply #37 on:** September 12, 2019, 09:46:00 pm »

Quote from: BeagleMommy on September 12, 2019, 02:41:46 pm

I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from wondering if I don't like her food.

My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but thanks".

Unless she doesn't know you're diabetic she should know better.

Luci · « **Reply #38 on:** September 12, 2019, 10:55:15 pm »

Quote from: Venus193 on September 12, 2019, 09:46:00 pm

Quote from: BeagleMommy on September 12, 2019, 02:41:46 pm
I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from wondering if I don't like her food.

My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but thanks".

I don’t consume nitrates, caffeine, or alcohol , but I don’t expect everyone to only have things I can eat. If it’s a sausage pizza party with Coke or beer, I just eat the salad, water, and maybe a breadstick. The world can’t stop for me, or push me to damage my health to be polite.

Jem · « **Reply #39 on:** September 13, 2019, 08:39:09 am »

Quote from: Venus193 on September 12, 2019, 09:46:00 pm

Quote from: BeagleMommy on September 12, 2019, 02:41:46 pm
I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from wondering if I don't like her food.

My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but thanks".

Unless she doesn't know you're diabetic she should know better.

Unless the aunt is trying to force BeagleMommy to eat her fruit salad, I don't think the aunt is doing anything wrong. It is a pot luck. Not everyone eats everything. It isn't a gathering of just the aunt and BeagleMommy, and even if it were, maybe the aunt wants to eat her fruit salad.

And I 100% agree with Luci: "I don’t expect everyone to only have things I can eat. If it’s a sausage pizza party with Coke or beer, I just eat the salad, water, and maybe a breadstick. The world can’t stop for me, or push me to damage my health to be polite."

Selfie · « **Reply #40 on:** November 01, 2019, 05:30:59 pm »

A question:To clear the situation up to just one issue. If you had not made the chocolate cake would you have been so concerned that you were offered both pieces of cake.
I realize you do not like the sponge cake but it is not something that you absolutely can not handle-like-say for me- raw oyster. Even then I would just set it aside or offer it to another diner who relished their portion.
Cake can be broken up and moved around. A taste of it with a bite of chocolate might be the best thing ever.

TootsNYC · « **Reply #41 on:** November 01, 2019, 08:59:11 pm »

Quote from: BeagleMommy on September 12, 2019, 02:41:46 pm

My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I don’t like is “I’ve had my share of carbs for the day, but thanks”.

There’s got to be SOME upside to being diabetic, right? Sounds like that’s it–a ready-made excuse that no one can argue with to decline foods you don’t want.

browzer11 · « **Reply #42 on:** November 02, 2019, 10:24:36 pm »

There is no upside to being diabetic. It's not funny.

Hello Ducky · « **Reply #43 on:** November 03, 2019, 10:57:16 am »

Quote from: TootsNYC on November 01, 2019, 08:59:11 pm

Quote from: BeagleMommy on September 12, 2019, 02:41:46 pm

My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I don’t like is “I’ve had my share of carbs for the day, but thanks”.

There’s got to be SOME upside to being diabetic, right? Sounds like that’s it–a ready-made excuse that no one can argue with to decline foods you don’t want.

Like when you're saving money on shampoo when you're bald from chemo? Yeah, upside.

hovlane · « **Reply #44 on:** November 03, 2019, 01:54:20 pm »

Quote from: TootsNYC on November 01, 2019, 08:59:11 pm

Quote from: BeagleMommy on September 12, 2019, 02:41:46 pm

My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I don’t like is “I’ve had my share of carbs for the day, but thanks”.

There’s got to be SOME upside to being diabetic, right? Sounds like that’s it–a ready-made excuse that no one can argue with to decline foods you don’t want.

I suppose you were making a very poor attempt at a joke, and it failed miserably.

What's wrong with you that you could even think anyone would find this comment even slightly amusing? This is one of the most ignorant comments I've read here, and "just kidding" (if that's your excuse for that crappy comment) won't make it any better, in fact maybe worse because it would demonstrate that you do, indeed, know better.

Bad Manners and Brimstone

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Author Topic: But But I don't want to eat that....... (Read 5316 times)

DaDancingPsych

Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......

DaDancingPsych

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Hmmm

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lowspark

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oogyda

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TootsNYC

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BeagleMommy

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Venus193

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Luci

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Jem

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Selfie

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TootsNYC

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browzer11

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Hello Ducky

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hovlane

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