Bad Manners and Brimstone

Quote from: Mary Sunshine Rain on November 05, 2019, 03:11:26 pm

Quote from: Gellchom on November 05, 2019, 01:24:04 pm

Sometimes we are glad to learn about something we might not have realized can be unpleasant for others, so we can avoid it. 

But there is a difference between suggesting or requesting that posters avoid phrasing things in a certain way, and slamming them for doing so.

That's true.  But, it's still giving unsolicited, and in most cases, unneeded advice.

It's one thing if someone writes a post saying "I said something and I think I offended someone.  How could I have said it better?" But, it's quite another to take someone's interaction withing a thread and turn it into the topic of discussion.

Here, the topic is "How could I have politely refused to eat the Sponge Cake?"not "How Toots could have better worded her post to Beaglemommy."
If something offends you, I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing that it offended you and why.  But, to "correct" someone (who hasn't asked, btw) and instruct them on how to better express themselves really seems very rude and condescending.

Should people who want to raise such a point start a new thread about it instead?  If so, then I guess it would go in a general category, though, and then people wouldn't necessarily see it; they'd just see the problematic usage go by without comment.

I'm truly not trying to be argumentative -- I just see your point, and I'm trying to figure out a good solution.  In a real life conversation, you'd either say something (politely!) in real time, or wait until a private moment with the other person (especially if others are around), or let it go, depending on the circumstances.  But even saying something then and there isn't "threadjacking." 

So are these discussions more like conversations?  Or more like discussion boards that must stick to one topic? 

I don't have an answer.  I'm interested to hear everyone's opinions.

(And this is threadjacking, too, isn't it!)

I don't have a problem with posters saying in a thread that they found a joke offensive or that they think a different way of phrasing it would be better.

I just think it should be communicated in an appropriate way. Saying the comment was one of the most ignorant on the forum, referring to it as a "crappy comment" or saying that no one would find the comment slightly amusing was way more offensive in my opinion than the original joke. Especially since diabetes has affected my life for the last 30 years and I found the comment funny.

Not all of us have the same style of humor.