Author Topic: They will party all night...  (Read 528 times)

Xainte

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Re: They will party all night...
« Reply #15 on: September 16, 2020, 07:59:29 pm »
It reminds me of an incident in a long ago weekend visit.  We had plans to hit a nice outdoor market and then had dinner reservations at an Italian place.  Her place is pretty "open door" with people dropping by a lot ( the 1:30 am this time threw me a little though )

So people dropped by and stayed and stayed.  I caught her eye and signalled the time - she nodded but kept up the conversation and the drinks.  And they stayed.  Soon it was too late to go to the market and an hour later we missed our dinner reservation.  Our dinner was Subway that night.  After they finally left she apologized but was acting helpless as though she had no control over the situation.  I was spitting nails inside but tried to control it.  I did ask why she just didn't tell them that we had reservations and we needed to leave?  Again with a helpless shrug.  She seems to have trouble with this.

Oh jeez.  That would totally frost my brownies.  You're kinder than I am, visiting her again after that!

Oh it did!  I would be a lot less tolerant now believe me!  I've been friends with her for a long time - kids really - so I suppose I have a big soft spot for her.  But really - it's unacceptable.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: They will party all night...
« Reply #16 on: September 17, 2020, 06:17:26 am »
If I was going to bed anyway, it honestly wouldn't bother me if my friend wanted to go out partying at 1am. However, if I thought we were going to stay up a bit later chatting and catching up, I'd feel a bit hurt.

(Also, I'm a few years younger than y'all, and the very thought of going out partying at 1am makes me feel exhausted!!)

The other incident you described, about missing your trip to the markets and the dinner reservation, would definitely annoy me! In that situation, I personally might have let the markets go, but when dinner approached, I'd be saying nicely to my friend "Hey, perhaps we'd better get going so we don't miss our dinner reservations?". I don't think that would be rude. 
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Xainte

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Re: They will party all night...
« Reply #17 on: September 17, 2020, 08:04:19 am »
Lynne may be a very nice person, and a great friend, but I would have dropped her a long time ago. In the long ago incident you spoke of, I don't know if I would have been capable of saying anything at the time, because deep down, I would worry that Lynne really preferred to spend the time with the other people, and that our plans were happily ignored. I would be hurt and angry and frustrated. Like I said, she may be a wonderful person, but someone who would make me feel that bad about myself is not someone I choose to be around.

This.  This is the kind of person I think of as “we have plans unless something better comes along” type.  It makes one feel inferior, like a second-tier friend.

Well yeah...that is how it makes you feel.  I know her well enough to know it isn't deliberate and it's more of a "can't say no" issue but still.

I remember giving her the gears about it at the time but today if that happened I would be a lot angrier.

“But, I can’t say no!”  Yeah right.  I’ve had too many people say that to me in the past and I put up with it, because they’d say “you’re my best friend.”  Not if they cancel/change/derail plans on me last minute - nowadays if anyone does that to me, it’s fade out time.

It’s funny (bemused rather than ha ha, well, maybe ha ha too) when I pull back on them, because they don’t understand why and I can’t be bothered to explain it to them.  They will never “get it,” so why try?

Right!  I have learned the hard way that it is possible to be too easygoing and too accommodating.  In my younger days I thought i was being the stalwart, solid friend but in reality I was just getting walked all over. 

I still don't think she has any ill intentions and I know from other areas of her life that she has trouble saying no but trying to do everything and make everyone happy never works. 

I'm a lot firmer now with a lot of things but last weekend I felt a bit put on the spot.  I didn't want to "demand" the evening end but I also didn't want to be going along with an all-nighter.