Author Topic: Giving guests the master bedroom  (Read 1821 times)

Hmmm

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Giving guests the master bedroom
« on: December 02, 2019, 10:59:48 am »
In the 2nd letter to Miss Manners in the link below, the writer states they have a couple and young child coming to visit over the holidays. They have on guest room with a queen size bed that the couple used before. For this trip, the husband is suggesting they give the couple the master bedroom because it has a king size bed. I'm assuming they are expecting the child to sleep with the parents.

https://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2019/12/2/in-defense-of-e-cards-for-christmas

If you were a guest, would you be comfortable with moving into the master bedroom? I know I would not. For one, I wouldn't like knowing I was literally kicking someone out of their bed. Also, it would feel like the homeowners may need frequent access to the room to get clothing or other items they may not have thought to take with them for the duration of the stay. I would also feel like in a guest room there would be more closet space or empty drawer space to use. I wouldn't want to use the couple's closet as that would feel a little like snooping even if that is not your purpose.

If my hosts were my own parents, I might be ok with the arrangement. But I wouldn't even want this accomodation with my sisters.

What are your thoughts?

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TootsNYC

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2019, 11:20:48 am »
I agree with you.

My parents always gave their bedroom to my dad's parents when they traveled to see us, because it was the only double bed in the house, and my grandparents were older, so they needed a more comfortable bed.

I don't remember what my folks did for sleeping; we didn't have a spare bedroom. Maybe they got the rollaway full-size bed out and slept on it in a nook in the living room.

And my cousin and his girlfriend visited us for a week when he was under treatment for the cancer that we knew would take him from us.

They got our bedroom, so he'd have a door he could close for sleeping at any time of day. We moved a whole bunch of clothes out so they wouldn't have to worry about us, and we slept on our very comfortable queen-size sofa bed (RIP, Castro Convertible sofas!)

But for pretty much anyone else, they can sleep on that sofa bed. We do our best to make it seem a little more private.

However, if I had a spare bedroom with a queen-size bed, I'd never give up my room.

I'd find a bed for the kid somewhere else, even if it was in a rollaway or an air mattress in their room. Hopefully, there's just enough room to fit it.
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Hanna

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2019, 11:59:24 am »
I sleep where I am told as a guest and want my guests to do the same.  One "Are you sure?"  is ok, but anything beyond that is not really gracious.  It's a very big deal to me where guests sleep in my house and though I want them to be comfortable with the arrangements, I put a great deal of thought into how to re-arrange my household when hosting people overnight for maximum comfort for everyone including me, guests, pets, etc.

Also, if you don't listen to me and sleep where I say, you can expect to have at least one cat involved in disrupting your night.

That being said, now that I am married I won't be kicking my husband out of our room to give it away to anyone.  That was ok when it was just me, but not for us.
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Aleko

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2019, 12:00:02 pm »
I would hate knowing that my host(s) had felt obliged to vacate their own room for me, and it would feel all wrong sleeping there with their personal stuff. So provided I had reasonably civilised guest accommodation I wouldn't dream of doing that for my own guests, unless they had some health or other issue that made my own room radically more suitable.

In this case it appears that this family have stayed in the guest room before, that it is equivalent to the master bedroom except for the bed size, and that the husband only suggests giving them the master bedroom because the child is now 'older', which implies that the child slept in the same bed as the parents, and they expect him/her to do the same again. I agree with Miss Manners that it would be far pleasanter for everyone concerned for the child to be given a futon, camp bed or similar in the guest room.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2019, 12:19:29 pm »

In this case it appears that this family have stayed in the guest room before, that it is equivalent to the master bedroom except for the bed size, and that the husband only suggests giving them the master bedroom because the child is now 'older', which implies that the child slept in the same bed as the parents, and they expect him/her to do the same again. I agree with Miss Manners that it would be far pleasanter for everyone concerned for the child to be given a futon, camp bed or similar in the guest room.


Except the kid would be sleeping in the same king-size bed as the parents, under the husband's plan. I can't think of ANY age at which I'd want my kid sleeping in the bed with us. That means someone is in the middle and has to crawl over people to get out!
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Hmmm

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2019, 12:29:11 pm »

In this case it appears that this family have stayed in the guest room before, that it is equivalent to the master bedroom except for the bed size, and that the husband only suggests giving them the master bedroom because the child is now 'older', which implies that the child slept in the same bed as the parents, and they expect him/her to do the same again. I agree with Miss Manners that it would be far pleasanter for everyone concerned for the child to be given a futon, camp bed or similar in the guest room.


Except the kid would be sleeping in the same king-size bed as the parents, under the husband's plan. I can't think of ANY age at which I'd want my kid sleeping in the bed with us. That means someone is in the middle and has to crawl over people to get out!

I agree. If a young toddler, I'd be making a pallet on the floor for him. An older one would be offered the sofa or I'd get a camp cot.
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Hanna

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2019, 12:35:09 pm »
I would hate knowing that my host(s) had felt obliged to vacate their own room for me, and it would feel all wrong sleeping there with their personal stuff. So provided I had reasonably civilised guest accommodation I wouldn't dream of doing that for my own guests, unless they had some health or other issue that made my own room radically more suitable.

I agree in the main. Iíve done it in the past because it offered both me and my guests the most privacy, due to the layout of my house.  Also because the master bedroom and bathroom are on one floor, while the other bedrooms are on the 3rd without a bathroom on that floor. I donít like my guests (especially older ones) having to use the staircase in the middle of the night in the event that they needed the bathroom.

When itís not close family I clear out my bedroom enough that it is not immediately evident that itís where I normally sleep. It took my last guests a few days before they realized it was the master.
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Copper Horsewoman

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2019, 12:45:24 pm »
We have given the master bedroom and slept on the sofa bed in past times, because we had dogs who would be up at the crack of dawn and needed to go out, which due to the layout of our house would mean traipsing straight through the living room, probably waking the guests. This gave everyone better sleep, more privacy and less disturbance. Depends on circumstance, but as a guest I would not demand (or even ask) that of my hosts.
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Pandorica

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2019, 12:51:02 pm »
In general, I don't think I'd give up the master bedroom to a guest or want to take the master bedroom from my hosts, unless there were special circumstances like health issues, etc.

If the child is a toddler or older, I really doubt the guest couple would actually want to share the bed with them. Kids are terrible to share a bed with. 

TootsNYC

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2019, 02:16:48 pm »
We have given the master bedroom and slept on the sofa bed in past times, because we had dogs who would be up at the crack of dawn and needed to go out, which due to the layout of our house would mean traipsing straight through the living room, probably waking the guests. This gave everyone better sleep, more privacy and less disturbance. Depends on circumstance, but as a guest I would not demand (or even ask) that of my hosts.


I just had a flashback of the women's retreat for church held at a vacation home, where the older ladies got the bedroom and I (and several others) were on cots in the living room.

We were required to clean the apartment before we left (since we were getting it for free instead of paying for the homeowner's cleaning service), and the older ladies had volunteered for that crew.

I was driving. And was still feeling the deficit from my late-night drive into the town. And I had to drive back later that day.

So at 2 hours before the rest of us had to get up, the older ladies were up vacuuming the whole area and clanging dishes and calling to one another.

Boy was I mad. I get that the older ladies might have needed a bit less "roughing it," but honestly, I should have been sleeping in the closed room.


chigger

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2019, 04:50:39 pm »
The only time I've given up my bedroom, was during a hurricane, when all our children and grands came to us. My husband had to leave town because of his job, so I gave up my bedroom to the family that brought their pets. It was horrible. I'm sleeping on the sofa, no privacy, no sleep all night and no where to go sleep during the day,while hurricane rages on. I personally would never offer my room again, unless it was an elderly couple, but all our older family have passed away now.

TootsNYC

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2019, 05:08:54 pm »
The only time I've given up my bedroom, was during a hurricane, when all our children and grands came to us. My husband had to leave town because of his job, so I gave up my bedroom to the family that brought their pets. It was horrible. I'm sleeping on the sofa, no privacy, no sleep all night and no where to go sleep during the day, while hurricane rages on. I personally would never offer my room again, unless it was an elderly couple, but all our older family have passed away now.

I'd rather keep my bed and have their pets in with me. I'd even be OK with a non-wriggly youngster sleeping in the other half.

GardenGal

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2019, 05:16:54 pm »
I wouldn't stay at anyone's home where they didn't have a spare bedroom (or at the very least a spare bed) for me.  My DH sometimes needs to use the bathroom for extended periods, and so we also don't want to stay with anyone who doesn't also have a spare bathroom, as we'd hate to put them out if they needed the bathroom and it wasn't available and wouldn't be for at least 15 minutes.  Last time we visited with our best friend of nearly 45 years she wanted us to stay in their spare bedroom, but with only 1 bathroom we insisted on staying at a nearby motel, as it just made us much more comfortable.
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oogyda

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2019, 05:30:10 pm »
I've given up the master to both DDs (at different times)  mostly because there is plenty of floor space in that room for air mattresses for the kids. 
 

HenrysMom

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Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2019, 10:06:57 pm »
I always give up my bedroom to guests, but thatís because I rarely use it myself.  With my back and knees, Iím actually more comfortable on my couch than in my bed.