Bad Manners and Brimstone

I’m sure everyone who has ate at or worked as a server in a restaurant understands that most have a system of sections,

Each server has his or her own section of tables and guests are seated in a way that tries to establish a fair amount of tables for each server, so they can make a fairly equal amount of money.

Sometimes, guests have seating requests, if we can leave out all requests having to do with any kind of medical (including psychological) conditions and one would just rather sit near the window, or prefers tables that aren’t high tops or away from the kitchen, etc. And the restaurant had a layout where a server could easily take a table in another section, do you think they should do their best to accommodate seating preferences, allowing the servers to still create an even number of tables?

I realize this is more a question of business practice rather than manners, but I think it fits in hospitality.

Has anyone ever been upset when their preferences are denied despite the fact the restaurant isn’t busy and it seems doable?

This isn’t why I’m asking the question but I remember one time when I was a server at a restaurant I took a family to the table I was directed to by the host. One member of the party was immediately irritated, angry and passive aggressive because she didn’t want to sit there. At certain times we did respect preferences but would default to the system if not asked, and this was one of those times accommodations could be made, I just wish she had asked politely.

I did seat them where they wanted but for some reason her attitude stays with me.  But I think that restaurant with the right layout should accommodate seating requests to make the guests experience as pleasurable as possible.

Any thoughts? First world problem, I know!

Yes, they should do their best to honor requests. It makes business sense. If the experience is negative in any way, I am less likely to return to that restaurant. If you have specific requests, you should try to make them known to the host/hostess so that they can attempt to make it work for the servers and there is never a reason to **** an attitude when making the requests, but otherwise, I think the establishment should try.

On a recent vacation, I selected an Italian restaurant near the beach. Other than reading a few reviews and looking at its location on the map, we really didn't know what we were getting into. To our pleasant surprise, it had the most spectacular views of the ocean! Being seated at the window table made the whole experience. The food was good enough (I have had better pasta), but I want to return for the views. If I returned and the staff refused to seat me at a window table (I would be willing to wait for a free one), I know that the experience would not be the same.

I like booths and am very uncomfortable sitting at a table in the middle of the room. I've had my request turned before. I didn't want to make a scene and I was with others so just sucked it up. I don't go back in the future though.

I agree that dining establishments should seat people to their preference. When possible.

But when someone is not so polite about their request? That would rub me the wrong way as well and I'd not be so inclined to please them.
 

Normally when I visit a 'diner' type place I'm asked if I would prefer a booth or a table. I respond with "A booth, please" because that's my preference. If a booth is not available then they won't ask and guide me to the next available table, I have no complaints with this.

There was one time when I was guided to a table, saw a booth in the final stages of being cleaned/set and politely asked "Is it possible for us to have that booth instead?" "Oh, sure, no problem they're almost done. Please wait for just a second."


With higher-end (pricier) establishments where reservations are required I expect to be seated at the best possible table (including first come, first served as in the first reservation gets the best table).

There was one high-end restaurant that I heard great things about (including wonderful window seats that overlooked the beautiful area. So I made reservations for four. My LDH, myself and our two young daughters (4 & 6). I did not request a certain table (window seat).

We were guided to our table which was all the way in the back of the restaurant. I saw a couple of window tables that were empty and thought about asking for one of them but then thought they were probably reserved. Once we were seated I took a closer look around and saw that the restaurant was less than 1/2 full and we were the only ones seated in the far back, well away from the other diners. AND! It was right next to the kitchen doors. Possibly the worst table in the house.

It dawned on me. Oh, it's because we have children with us, isn't it.

The food was really good. The ambience not so much, with the doors opening often, hearing the noise from the kitchen, waitstaff passing our table, etc. It felt like we were put in the corner because we were 'bad'. We didn't stay for dessert and never went back again.

Now I do understand the fear of unruly children in a restaurant but putting us in the corner when 1/2 the restaurant was empty? Putting us at a table maybe a few away from the rest of the diners would have been acceptable.

P.S. We dined out often with the girls since they were infants, so they grew up knowing restaurant etiquette. Our server commented on how well behaved they were and actually looked at both of them and said "It was my pleasure to serve you."

jpcher, while your then toddler and 6 y.o. may have been well behaved at restaurants since they were babies, but did the restaurant know that? I would surmise that as soon as they saw little kids the staff's first thought was move them as far away as possible.

I would have known immediately why I was sat so far from the other diners. You were in a high end restaurant--I don't know what you expected the staff to think. If you were in the middle of your meal when it dawned on you, I could see why you didn't want to move, but why not mention something to the manager on duty that you weren't pleased. They can't read minds. I really don't know why you took offense at this. If I were at an expensive restaurant and I saw a couple with 2 little kids walk in you bet I wouldn't want them near me, because a lot of the time the kids are not well behaved.

jpcher, while your then toddler and 6 y.o. may have been well behaved at restaurants since they were babies, but did the restaurant know that? I would surmise that as soon as they saw little kids the staff's first thought was move them as far away as possible.

I would have known immediately why I was sat so far from the other diners. You were in a high end restaurant--I don't know what you expected the staff to think. If you were in the middle of your meal when it dawned on you, I could see why you didn't want to move, but why not mention something to the manager on duty that you weren't pleased. They can't read minds. I really don't know why you took offense at this. If I were at an expensive restaurant and I saw a couple with 2 little kids walk in you bet I wouldn't want them near me, because a lot of the time the kids are not well behaved.

hovlane -- there's so much in your post that I could bold because I completely agree with you. The restaurant staff had no way of knowing that our daughters were not hellions even though they were turned out in their finest "go to meeting" outfits, polished and cleaned.

I didn't realize we were at the 'kitchen' table until after our waitperson took our drink orders and went through the doors. At that point, we were already settled and I didn't think the experience would be that bad enough for a complaint. Requesting a different table at that point would have put me (in my thoughts) into the 'Special Snowflake' arena.

It's a pity jpcher and family never went back again; the staff might well have recognised them with pleasure as 'Oh look, it's the couple with the lovely civilised children!' and given them a big hello and a nice table.

Aleko -- I see your point, and I get it. It was the fact that we were put at the very worst table in the room when there were many other available options far away from other guests. Even in the back on the other side, far away from the kitchen doors would have been acceptable. Why they chose to seat us at the most distracting table? I have no clue. That's why I took offense and never went back.

Case in point -- at another fine dining establishment, this restaurant had several rooms instead of one great room that served everybody. The first time we went to that restaurant we were escorted into a room full of empty tables. (With daughters in tow we always ate out early, before the dinner rush.) However we were seated at the best (in my opinion) table ever! It was sort of an alcove with a window view. I get it. Hide the kids. But it was sooo much better than the kitchen-side table! This was fine, private, dining with the best possible service ever.

We went back to that restaurant quite often with our daughters and were always very well treated.

Do you understand the difference?

It’s not always a question of poor behavior with children in restaurants.  The presence of even the best behaved children can change the ambiance of a formal event or venue.  A restaurant hoping to sell high end scotches and wines or to get a reputation as the perfect place for the romantic evening of a lifetime is not likely to want the subliminal ”family time!” message coming through.  Other diners might feel the same way, no matter how well-behaved the children are.

That doesn’t mean it’s okay to choose the very worst table when others would have been okay.  My point is that, in addition to what others have said about the restaurant not knowing how your children behave, there are other reasons they may not love having kids n their main dining room, if it’s a fancy, high-end place, without it being an insult to your children.

Was I out of line? I'm still debating whether to contact the manager or not.

No, you weren't out of line, and yes, you should. Whatever was going through the waiter's mind, his behaviour was simply not rational, let alone satisfactory to you, and his managers need to know that patrons are being given hopelessly bad service.