Author Topic: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour  (Read 1217 times)

Morticia

Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« on: October 25, 2020, 10:59:29 am »
When DS was a child, one set of his grandparents lived a 5 hour drive away. They were desperate to see their grandson, so LDH drove 3 hours to a meeting point, and handed off DS. Then, a few days later, LDH and I drove the 5 hours to pick him up, setting off just after lunch. We arrived shortly before dinner time. They offered us a beverage, and then shooed us off, knowing we had a 5 hour drive home. That was the last time we did this for them.

Am I wrong in thinking that, since we were doing them a favour, and we would definitely otherwise have to stop at a restaurant, they should have at least offered us dinner?

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sandisadie

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Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2020, 11:24:00 am »
Of course they should have offered you dinner!  Most people, in my experience, know the basic rules of hospitality, and manners.  There will always be some who do not.
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gramma dishes

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2020, 01:54:18 pm »
When DS was a child, one set of his grandparents lived a 5 hour drive away. They were desperate to see their grandson, so LDH drove 3 hours to a meeting point, and handed off DS. Then, a few days later, LDH and I drove the 5 hours to pick him up, setting off just after lunch. We arrived shortly before dinner time. They offered us a beverage, and then shooed us off, knowing we had a 5 hour drive home. That was the last time we did this for them.

Am I wrong in thinking that, since we were doing them a favour, and we would definitely otherwise have to stop at a restaurant, they should have at least offered us dinner?

Good grief!   After a five hour drive they should have not only provided you with dinner, but if possible an overnight stay so you all could start refreshed early the next day to come home.   Ten hours of driving in one day is too much!  I've done it twice, but genuinely hated it!

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TootsNYC

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Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2020, 02:40:24 pm »
they're your family! Why wouldn't they have wanted you to stay and have a meal with them? In order to spend time with you?

Favor or no favor. But especially since you were doing them a favor.

For that matter, I'm a little surprised they didn't suggest you stay over. If not for your company, then to keep you safe.

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STiG

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Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2020, 04:23:16 pm »
Dinner and the offer of a bed overnight would be the least I would do for someone who drove a couple of hours to do me a favour, let alone five!
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DaDancingPsych

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2020, 05:03:29 pm »
Yes, they should have offered you dinner. In fact, I would have wanted to discuss it with you beforehand. That way if you didn't want to stay for dinner, I could prepare something for you to eat on the way home. Or had DS fed. Or so that you could have given a 20 minute warning so that I could make sure that it was ready when you got there.
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Winterlight

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2020, 06:06:10 pm »
I would at the least have had dinner ready when you got there or shortly after, and offered a bed for the night. If you had to go back the same day, at least you wouldn't have to starve till you got home or spend a chunk of money buying dinner out.
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Morticia

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2020, 07:08:12 pm »
One small clarification. DS is actually my stepson, although that's not how I think of him, having raised him. The grandparents were not related to LDH or me.

gramma dishes

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2020, 08:18:24 pm »
One small clarification. DS is actually my stepson, although that's not how I think of him, having raised him. The grandparents were not related to LDH or me.

Whose parents are they then?  Your LDH's first wife's parents?

Morticia

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2020, 09:10:54 pm »
They weren't married, but yeah. DS's biomom's.

Winterlight

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2020, 09:47:08 pm »
Still, an offer of basic hospitality when someone is doing you a big favor seems pretty standard. If they didn't get along with you guys enough to invite you to dinner, then they shouldn't have been asking for this.
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Xainte

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2020, 07:43:01 am »
 Right.  The offer should have at least been made even if you may not have wanted to accept. 

If someone is going out of their way...and in your case way, way out of your way to do someone a favour you try to make it as easy and comfortable as possible for them. 

Maybe you wouldn't have wanted to linger for hours but a meal, refreshments and a break from the car is pretty basic.

I agree with Winterlight - if you can't extend basic hospitality to someone you have no business asking them for a favour.
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pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #12 on: October 26, 2020, 08:17:14 am »
So, this really was a huge favor that you were doing for them. Neither you nor LDH were related to them, so this was not like you were doing something for your family. Granted, they were DS's family, but not yours.

At the very least, did it not occur to them that you were not obligated to do this so don't make it difficult and unrewarding? At the very least, dinner, offer an overnight stay, and a huge bouquet of flowers the following week with gushing thanks would help to insure that this would happen again.  As it was, future offers might be met with: "Oh, no, I'm not putting myself through that again."
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy
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oogyda

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #13 on: October 26, 2020, 08:29:28 am »
Right.  The offer should have at least been made even if you may not have wanted to accept. 

If someone is going out of their way...and in your case way, way out of your way to do someone a favour you try to make it as easy and comfortable as possible for them. 

Maybe you wouldn't have wanted to linger for hours but a meal, refreshments and a break from the car is pretty basic.

I agree with Winterlight - if you can't extend basic hospitality to someone you have no business asking them for a favour.

With a nod to Winterlight....I like the concise way you stated this. 
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BeagleMommy

Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2020, 08:31:09 am »
At the very least they should have offered to have you to dinner.  Personally, I would have offered dinner and an overnight stay.  A five-hour drive is tiring for anyone.
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