Bad Manners and Brimstone

I had been talking with BeagleDaddy about getting some art work for my office.  He asked me to wait because he was having something made for me by one of his coworkers who "does great work".

Okay, cool.

What I got was an oil painting of the word "Believe" with the pink breast cancer ribbon for the "L", two pink ribbon butterflies, and random tiny flowers.  It's ugly.  It is a LOT of pastels and looks like a 6th grade art project.

I love that he had this sweet thought, but I'm not that type of person that needs to have "inspirationals" about my cancer treatment.  He kind of missed the mark on this one.

Right now I have it hung on a wall in my office that my office door blocks when it is open so I don't have to look at it that often.

My question is how long do I have to keep it here before I can tell him it fell off the wall and broke?

I think it might be worth telling him that it's just not a comforting piece of artwork for you, that "support as I go through breast cancer" doesn't look like that for you.

Because it would be good for him to know what DOES work for you.

So keep it long enough that you can say you "gave it the good old college try."

And then tell him that you find it isn't as comforting or inspiring as you'd thought, and so you think you'd going to donate it to the doctor's office, or hospital floor, or wherever. (call that support-group lady and ask her if their group could use it)


And then get the artwork you were thinking of, and tell him WHY it works for you--that you like to be mentally taken away from your physical body and into an emotional or nature-linked place. Or whatever.

Would it be possible to say that you really don't like to emphasize the breast cancer thing at work?   You want your boss and colleagues to just think of you as 'just plain BeagleMommy' and you fear it might encourage them to think of you as someone they need to tiptoe around a bit instead of just a great friend and competent co-worker?

Is he really that unaware of what kind of art you like and what you don't?

Commissioning an artwork always carries the risk that the artist may proudly come back to you with something that isn't actually what you asked for, or even if they have followed the brief it is just not what you hoped. Then what do you do? If that artist is a friend or colleague, it's doubly tricky. Perhaps he knows just how bad it is, but felt that having commissioned it from them, and promised it to you - thereby deterring you from going out and finding something you liked - he couldn't very well reject it, or even pay for it then quietly drop it off at a charity shop, and felt the only thing he could do was present it to you and hope that the thought, at least, would count.

But it seems to me that your dislike of the picture is not the only strike against it. Another is: is it really appropriate to decorate your office with art that directly references your health issues? Presumably at least some of your colleagues are aware of them, so when they see that picture they'll know what it's referring to; it would amount to a public announcement that you want them to see you as A Sick Person Needing Sympathy. Not a good look in the workplace, surely.

Depending on how sensitive he is/how much of a sense of absurd humor he has, can you tell him that if he got a vasectomy, you'll get him a picture of a nice pair of scissors? My dh would crack up and say, "point taken", and we would decide what to do, donating it to a doctor's office or such sounds nice.

Don’t lie and don’t be brutal.

I would say that is not quite the art I had in mind. I would suggest donating it to the hospital and getting your own, gently and thanking him profusely.

I feel the same way as the previous poster that I don’t want it shoved in my face, and I don’t want to tell the world all my health problems.

I would gently inform him that you did not like it, but loved the thought.  Otherwise you might get one for every holiday. 

As someone previously mentioned, I think this sort of art not only missed the mark with your personal taste, but also because I would find it strange to put my health issues on the wall at work. I imagine that some workplaces would be fine with this (mine would), but it would be a professional line that I wouldn't want to cross.

BeagleMommy, you have always been a kind and thoughtful poster, so I imagine BeagleDaddy being the same kind of person. I would sit him down and thoughtfully explain that you adore the sentiment, but that the art is not right for XYZ reasons. I am sure that he will be disappointed that he missed the mark, but I imagine that he will be very understanding!

If you truly cannot bare to do this, is it possible to only hang the painting for his visits? After some time, I would then just not rehang it and see if he even notices that it's missing.

My mom is going through chemo right now (not breast cancer) and recently an old friend found me on Facebook and with everyone's blessing, I shared mom's cell phone number with this friend. (Mom doesn't do Facebook.) Mom told me that they chatted a bit, but that she never shared her cancer situation. That she was sick of people always asking how's she doing and only wanting to talk about her treatment. And while she understands why people ask, she appreciated that her talk with this friend didn't have to be about her health. I think that it is completely understandable that some people don't want to get pink ribbon crazy (as I understand why others feel quite supported by such things). It's your treatment and you get to decide how to proceed. If that means no painting, then I would not feel bad about not hanging it. My gut tells me BeagleDaddy will understand.