Bad Manners and Brimstone

Quote from: Gellchom on September 16, 2019, 02:10:30 pm

I agree that Becky was thoroughly, thoroughly obnoxious, rude, and out of line.  I would be plenty steamed if I were Mae.

But I also agree that "banning" them from ever staying again -- we are talking about a brother, here -- is an overreaction. 

As others have pointed out, though, we don't know what that means.  If I were in Mae's place, and assuming the husband is on board with it, maybe I just wouldn't invite them next time, or if it's sort of a regular visit, I might say something like, "You weren't comfortable here last time; would you like me to find a B&B for you this time?" 

I don't see the point of a "ban" if it means a never-ever-again policy, though.  That is going to hurt Mom and the brothers, too, remember.  What Becky deserves isn't the whole story.   

Most of all, there just isn't any need or reason to announce a policy at all.  That would just be reaching for unnecessary drama, descending to Becky's level, and making everything even worse.  Someone did something really rude; that doesn't mean that there has to be a response.  The LW has the high ground now; why sacrifice it to gain nothing?

I personally would never invite Becky to my home again, but I wouldn't announce it. I just wouldn't invite her, and would say no if she asked to stay. I wouldn't offer to find her somewhere else to stay either. I would just never invite her over, and tell her no if she asked.

My mother could have sent that letter, and did similarly stern chastising in the past.  Small wonder that none of her family's side but me and my daughters were speaking to her by the time she died!

I think the LW's wife sounds snooty and disparaging and mingy and super unpleasant.  I would not be at all surprised to learn that the hosting pair were younger, and the visiting pair were older and more established, and the visiting wife thought it her duty to 'enlighten' her hostess.  I could easily be VERY wrong in my assumptions, but that's the way it came off to me.  There were so many lighter ways to thank the hosting pair that didn't involve a laundry list of 'you done **** up'....  Now there's a rift between the brothers that could easily have been avoided.  Just because LW is willing to put up with that attitude doesn't mean his brother is.

My mother could have sent that letter, and did similarly stern chastising in the past.  Small wonder that none of her family's side but me and my daughters were speaking to her by the time she died!

I think the LW's wife sounds snooty and disparaging and mingy and super unpleasant.  I would not be at all surprised to learn that the hosting pair were younger, and the visiting pair were older and more established, and the visiting wife thought it her duty to 'enlighten' her hostess.  I could easily be VERY wrong in my assumptions, but that's the way it came off to me.  There were so many lighter ways to thank the hosting pair that didn't involve a laundry list of 'you done **** up'....  Now there's a rift between the brothers that could easily have been avoided.  Just because LW is willing to put up with that attitude doesn't mean his brother is.

My mother could have sent that letter, and did similarly stern chastising in the past.  Small wonder that none of her family's side but me and my daughters were speaking to her by the time she died!