Author Topic: talking to someone with dementia  (Read 1658 times)

SnappyLT

Re: talking to someone with dementia
« Reply #30 on: May 11, 2020, 01:25:07 pm »
I'm agreeing with previous posters who've suggested going along with non-dangerous incorrect comments.

A social worker taught me about what she called "therapeutic fibbing". Her first job after grad school had been at a rural nursing home. They had one patient who was the widow of a dairy farmer. Mrs. Smith could not remember that her husband had passed away years before. Each day, Mrs. Smith would ask where her husband was. Each day, the new social worker would do as she had been taught to do and tell Mrs. Smith that her husband was dead. Each day, Mrs. Smith would grieve anew.

Then an experienced nurse told the social worker about therapeutic fibbing, and the social worker started telling Mrs. Smith. "Oh, your husband is out rounding up the cows for milking". Mrs. Smith would smile and go about her daily activities, not worrying so much about her husband for a while.

It seems dreadful to use the word "fortunately" when writing about my own mother's passing. Nonetheless, fortunately, complications from another health problem shortened my mother's life before she reached the later stages of Alzheimer's. My mother never got to the point where she forgot that my father was no longer living. We were prepared to use therapeutic fibbing with her if she did.
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syfygeek

Re: talking to someone with dementia
« Reply #31 on: May 14, 2020, 03:09:28 pm »
Thanks for the responses.  They all gave me something to think about.

I guess I need to have more patience. That is something I have never had in abundance.

Over the last week Mom
 had a recurrence of an UTI  where she is so confused she can't even form words.
Asked if I had heard from her husband today (Daddy had a fatal heart attack in 1997)
Called to wish my husband a Happy Birthday) she couldn't remember his name but it IS his Birthday!)
Kicked an aide due to frustration and then worried like a Kindergartner if she's be reported to social worker

Never a dull moment with her

My mom had UTI's almost non stop and she would go from a happy but confused 80-something to a cranky, evil harpy who could suddenly say the most horrible things to us. She had dysphasia, so we were used to trying to figure out what word she was trying for, but when the UTI's got bad, she was clear as a bell telling us how horrible we were. Once we figured it out, with the help of a great urologist, it was easier to head it off.
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BeagleMommy

Re: talking to someone with dementia
« Reply #32 on: September 21, 2020, 01:27:24 pm »
My mother's aunt (my great aunt) went through dementia for years and we usually just went with the flow.  GA was sometimes very funny.  One time my parents were driving her and another great aunt (her sibling) to visit another sibling.  They were driving from Pennsylvania to upstate New York.  Dad is driving, GA in the front passenger seat, Mom and GA2 in the back seat.  GA turned to Dad and said "What do you say you and me ditch those two birds and we go have some fun".  Dad, very patiently, said "No, they have the gas money".  GA went back to talking about something else.

When she passed, the priest at the funeral said something that stuck with me.  He said "People say it is so sad that Edna had dementia.  However, she was in a place where she was happy.  She didn't know about the 9/11 attacks, she didn't know if friends or family were having money troubles, she didn't know about other world events.  She was happy and that's enough.".
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