BTDT, got many, many T-shirts.
Sometimes, I'll ask people if they would like me to arrange for the thing to be done.
I agree with Morticia's comments about anxiety. That's my initial reaction to a complaint, too. Followed by, "How am I gonna fix this?" I've learned over time that it's not always my problem to fix.
I am a fixer, too - there's a lot of us here. I'm getting much better at spotting the 'calls for sympathy', but I've also got a lot better at not providing endless sympathy to people who can't/won't/don't help themselves but
engage in all sorts of other activities that they
can find energy/time/money for.
I know it's harsh, but sometimes I will say: "I offered to help you with this problem, you said you wanted to fix it, I went to a lot of trouble to help you, and you did nothing, and
now I don't want to hear about it any more. Now, how was that bean dip you were making?".
I'm fine helping people to solve problems of their own making, but when they take up my valuable time and mental resources, let me do all the 'hard' work, and then just can't be bothered to lift
one finger, I don't want to hear about how they are 'suffering'.
If someone tells me "I know I messed up, but is there any chance of sympathy anyway?", I'm totally fine with that, and never mention the whatever-it-was, just pour the (virtual) tea and get out the (virtual) biscuits, and provide lavish servings of sympathy. I think we all need support when we know we messed up, but I'm not so good when the person denies any
responsibility for what they're going through, just
demands sympathy.
I'm not sure if I need to work on that? Or whether having people who like wallowing in
problems of their own making drop out of my life is a good thing?
For the record: I regard a person who has become overwhelmed as
totally deserving sympathy, but I'm getting better at not providing it to people who seem to expect the world to be bent to fit them, and I should be part of the bending crew [if that makes sense].
And now I'm wondering if I'm a horrible person.