Author Topic: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being opened.  (Read 2191 times)

vintagegal

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My MIL was like the LW, only more so. She got very upset when some of the grandkids (all under 3) were opening presents, and insisted, "That's HIS present!! HE has to open it!" She was weird in many small ways like that. But come on, they're toddlers.
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Dazi

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I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've seen it happen.
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Hmmm

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I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've seen it happen.

Yeah, me too. We were at a party for a 5 year old and one of the other 5 year olds kept wanting to "help" open the gifts. The guest's mom kept tried to "gently" pull her back. But after 2 or 3 gifts the mom suggested the bday boy let the girl help him open the gift from her to him which ended up with her ripping the paper off, showing it off to everyone and then unboxing it. Both kids ended up on the floor crying. I was happy when the bday boy's Dad "gently" ushered the tantrum throwing guest and her mom to another room and then eased them out the door. Bday boy came back a few minutes later to open gifts.

Then there was the 6 year old;s party where the older sibling kept trying to insert himself into opening the gifts. It was so annoying to constantly hear "Joey, Jimmy is still opening the other gift. Would you put that one down please." and uncomfortable to watch the tug of war going on between the siblings.
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TootsNYC

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I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've seen it happen.

HER mom won't. HER mom will say, "Oh, please let her help open the presents! It means so much to her."
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Kimpossible

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I don't have enough information to decide if she is a "brat" or "a selfish child with no friends". It's hard for me to blame the 6 year old for acting like a 6 year old. This is situation that was manufactured by the adults in charge. I stand by the fact that this was something done in the baby days of the younger sibling to head off sibling rivalry.  Mom (and any other person with agency over the children) let big sister open gifts for the baby. Today's peace was bought with future problems.
The 6 year old seems to be able to understand that the present itself doesn't belong to her.  I think that is a very good sign. If the auntie really has a huge problem with how her gift is opened, she could do a few things that could help the situation. At events were everyone will get a gift, she can always hand both children their gifts at the same time. That way big sister is occupied with her own present while little sister opens hers. On single person gifting occasions, she could attempt to engage the older child in a positive conversation while the younger child is being given a gift.
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gellchom

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I wouldn't be so fast to assume that this means problems down the road for Big Sis.

I certainly believe the posters who report having seen problems at other children's parties and so forth.  But I never did when my kids were growing up -- it just never seemed to be an issue.  All the kids, including little siblings, seemed to get it that the birthday child was the one getting and opening the gifts, and on their birthday, it would be their turn.  We were very lucky, I see!  Maybe it helped that we made a game out of opening the gifts -- the birthday kid spun a bottle and opened the gift from the child it pointed to, then gave thanks and a hug.  Not much of a game, but perhaps enough that it distracted them.

Anyway, I think there is more than one lesson to be learned here, and kids are capable of learning them.  For example, Big Sis is probably also learning, or soon will, to let Little Sis go first, get the slice of cake with the rose, or win games sometimes -- just as the adults and older kids in her life do for her sometimes, including letting her unwrap Little Sis's presents while she is still too little to care.  Kids get it that sometimes things need to be fair, and sometimes the grownups or siblings indulge you.  After all, it doesn't seem like she is insisting on keeping the presents; she gets it that they are for Little Sis, not for her.

She is being indulged, but that doesn't necessarily mean she will learn only to feel entitled; she may also learn about how to indulge others when it's appropriate, because she knows how nice it made her feel.  And maybe the girls are learning that it can be even more fun to share their special experiences -- I know many siblings who do.  Maybe in three years, their parents will remind Big Sis of how she was allowed to unwrap Little Sis's gifts when she was 6, because she enjoyed it so much, and suggest that now she let Little Sis help unwrap her gifts at her 9th birthday party.  She may even think of it herself. 

It can go either way, or both, of course.  I'm just saying that this isn't necessarily creating a spoiled brat.  Handled well, it can also lead to developing a generous heart.
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TootsNYC

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My daughter was in a particularly good daycare, and they really leaned into the "let the birthday child be the center of attention; you get to have lots of fun in other ways" concept. I remember that at many parties, the folks working at the venue wouldn't allow present opening because they thought everyone would be badly behaved.

We had homemade parties, and everyone of those kids had the etiquette down pat.

So I mimicked what they did w/ my son, who wasn't in that daycare very long.

My mom also really spent energy creating a fun experience for the non-birthday kid--one that focused on PROVIDING fun and indulgence for our sibling. I distinctly remember her saying, "Oh, but YOU get to help make the cake, and get everything ready so he will be excited on his birthday. And you get to be in on the planning and the secrets." It worked!
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Shores

I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't say anything and I'd keep my mouth shut. You just don't get to tell people how to parent in situations like that.

Ed.

My gift follows my rules.
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Aleko

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My MIL was like the LW, only more so. She got very upset when some of the grandkids (all under 3) were opening presents, and insisted, "That's HIS present!! HE has to open it!" She was weird in many small ways like that. But come on, they're toddlers.

I honestly can't see anything weird about that, in itself. (Although if as you say she was generally weird, for all I know she did it in a weird way.) Toddlers typically start saying 'Mine!!!' around 18 months, and the next year or so is exactly the stage when they need to learn that there's also 'Yours', distinguish which is which, and act accordingly. I can see good reason why she would want to insist on the difference when they were opening presents; especially if she had bitter experience of children who hadn't learnt when young to respect other people's property.
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vintagegal

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I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've seen it happen.

HER mom won't. HER mom will say, "Oh, please let her help open the presents! It means so much to her."

And it's CUTE!!!!!
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vintagegal

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My MIL was like the LW, only more so. She got very upset when some of the grandkids (all under 3) were opening presents, and insisted, "That's HIS present!! HE has to open it!" She was weird in many small ways like that. But come on, they're toddlers.

I honestly can't see anything weird about that, in itself. (Although if as you say she was generally weird, for all I know she did it in a weird way.) Toddlers typically start saying 'Mine!!!' around 18 months, and the next year or so is exactly the stage when they need to learn that there's also 'Yours', distinguish which is which, and act accordingly. I can see good reason why she would want to insist on the difference when they were opening presents; especially if she had bitter experience of children who hadn't learnt when young to respect other people's property.

The kids were not having any problem at all, just having fun - it was MIL who was insisting that the b'day kid had to be the one to open the presents. She also would get bent out of shape if she could not take home the leftover b'day cake from any family party. To the extent that you got the stink-eye if you went for seconds.
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bopper

THis is why at some birthday parties they have a pass the parcel game...the wrapped gifts get passed around until the music stops...and then the birthday kid opens the present in their hands...but the kids are "involved".
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LifeOnPluto

Yeah, this would definitely bother me too, if I were in Great-Aunt's shoes.

It sounds like Great-Aunt's request was reasonably worded too, and I don't see this as a case of "interfering old relative tries to 'parent' someone else's child". Instead, I see it as "Gift Giver has politely stated a preference for her gift to be opened by the actual recipient, not by someone else."

At any rate, I suspect in a year or two, the younger sister will definitely want to start opening her own presents, so hopefully this will all become a moot point!
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AliciaLynette

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THis is why at some birthday parties they have a pass the parcel game...the wrapped gifts get passed around until the music stops...and then the birthday kid opens the present in their hands...but the kids are "involved".
Minor nitpick - Pass The Parcel has nothing to do with the birthday gifts, it's just a fun game for the kids to play, with little trinkets/sweets for each player.
Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise not to follow it.
Edna St. Vincent Millay, Letters
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Star Wars Fan

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I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't say anything and I'd keep my mouth shut. You just don't get to tell people how to parent in situations like that.

Ed.

My gift follows my rules.

Really? Once you give it to someone it's no longer "your gift", I mean that's the whole point of giving gifts isn't it? I'm sorry I really don't understand that way of thinking. So we'll just agree to disagree.  ETA: It is just my opinion, but it's something I firmly believe that you can't tell somebody what to do with a gift you've given them (even when it's still unopened) after they've been presented with it.

Ed.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2020, 08:00:26 pm by Star Wars Fan »