Bad Manners and Brimstone

General Etiquette => Weddings => Topic started by: pierrotlunaire0 on September 28, 2019, 10:13:28 pm

Title: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on September 28, 2019, 10:13:28 pm
This subject came up today with some friends.

Dana's daughter is getting married, and she was showing us photos of the dress she had bought for the ceremony. The dress is a wrap dress, made of a fine knit, light gold in color, with a little metallic glint of gold running through the wool used to make the knit, pretty subtle, but when the light hits it right, it does have a metallic gold shine to it. Dana went on to say that the MOG was trying hard to find the same dress, because she thought MOB and MOG had to match. Dana said, "And I keep telling her that the MOB and MOG can't match."

Sandy looked a little puzzled, and said, "Is that a rule? I never heard that before."

I said that I thought that they should not be an exact match because it looks a little too matchy-matchy, but Dana insisted that it was a rule of etiquette.

Has anyone ever heard this before? I am confident that it isn't a rule, but what surprised me is that anyone would even hold this belief. I have never heard anything besides the mothers should not try to outdress the bride, and Dana was acting like this was set in stone.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: AvidReader on September 29, 2019, 06:58:37 am
Only thing I've ever heard concerning the MOG at the wedding is that she should "show up, be silent, and wear beige."  About as old school as it gets.  And just to show how old school, when we married 37 years ago, DMIL indeed wore beige.  She had a great sense of humor and I believe this expression may have come from her. 
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: gramma dishes on September 29, 2019, 07:22:19 am
Only thing I've ever heard concerning the MOG at the wedding is that she should "show up, be silent, and wear beige."  About as old school as it gets.  And just to show how old school, when we married 37 years ago, DMIL indeed wore beige.  She had a great sense of humor and I believe this expression may have come from her.

That expression has been around for decades and unless we have the same DMIL, it didn't originate with her but it is a 'rule' many follow.   The basic idea was that MOGs aren't supposed to be particularly noticeable.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Rose Red on September 29, 2019, 07:31:47 am
I think it's weird if both mothers wear the same dress on purpose. In fact, all the stories I've heard are of the mothers going out of their way to avoid wearing the same dress. Otherwise it'll look like some kind of singing sister act.

Haven't she seen weddings in the movies or tv? The mothers never wear the same dress. Has she been to real life weddings where it happened? ??? I can't think of were she got that idea.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Thitpualso on September 29, 2019, 08:37:04 am
In my experience, MOBs at Catholic Weddings usually wear blue.  MOGs often do wear beige but both practices are just matters of personal choice. 
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Nestholder on September 29, 2019, 08:41:11 am
I have a tenuous memory of my stepmother being somewhat put out because my soon-to-be-MIL showed her the dress MIL had bought for our wedding.  Stepmother considered that she had the right to first pick on colour.  I've never heard that anywhere else, anyway.

I can't imagine why anybody would want the maternal units to match like superannuated bridesmaids.  But (as a potential, one-day MOB) I am happy to maintain that the MOB should have The Best Hat.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Aleko on September 29, 2019, 04:20:26 pm
I remember that in the run-up to my wedding 28 years ago, my fiancé's mother kept asking me anxiously whether my mother would wear a hat to the wedding. I said I had absolutely no idea what Mum was planning to wear, that not being any of my business; but most likely not as, though Mum was a handsome elegant woman, somehow very few hats suited her face. My MIL-to-be's face fell, and she said oh dear what a pity, because 'of course' she couldn't possibly wear a hat if the MOB didn't. I said I had never heard of such a thing and neither had my Mum, that as far as we were concerned a wedding party wasn't a chess set where all the pieces have to match, and both of them should just dress as they saw fit.

For the record, like Pierrotlunaire0 I have never heard any rule other than that the MOG should dress neither like a bride or a bridesmaid.  (I would be amazed if the person who coined the 'wear beige' thing meant it literally, rather than simply meaning 'don't try to take the limelight from the bride'.) And of course if MOG and MOB wore matching outfits they really would look like a pair of superannuated bridesmaids; it would be embarrassingly weird.

Edited to add: if Catholic MOGs really wear blue, does anyone know why? Given that blue is the colour of the Virgin Mary, it seems on the face of it thoroughly inappropriate!
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Asharah on September 29, 2019, 07:16:23 pm
Okay, what I've heard is MOB should pick her dress first. And then tell MOG what color she's wearing so MOG can select a different color.

And The Virgin Mary is depicted wearing blue because it was supposedly a color associated with MOTHERHOOD, not with Virginity.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Hmmm on September 30, 2019, 09:08:55 am
I don't know if it is an etiquette rule, but I did always think it was a fashion rule. In my experience, the only time adult women would appear in matching outfits for a social event would be if they were bridesmaids or are trying to be ironic in some way.

Here's a good article from Martha Stewart that outlines what I always thought of the general guidelines. Bride provides some guidelines on color or style if she has any, MOB selects a dress and shares with MOG who then selects one that is similar in formality and doesn't clash and isn't too matchy.

https://www.marthastewartweddings.com/624852/coordinating-wedding-attire-mothers-of-the-bride-groom
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: TootsNYC on September 30, 2019, 10:10:09 am
I have seen that they are supposed to coordinate. And to not match.
The MOB chooses her dress first deliberately so that the MOG can find something that isn't the same but will coordinate.

I think Dana should say, "Please do NOT dress too much like me. I'd be uncomfortable with that." Even if etiquette would allow them to match, she gets to override that. She can't tell the MOG what -to- wear, but I think she can tell her what -not- to wear.

And the bride can say, "I want variety in the pictures; please wear something different from my mom, so that you stand out."

Quote
(I would be amazed if the person who coined the 'wear beige' thing meant it literally, rather than simply meaning 'don't try to take the limelight from the bride'.)

No, they meant "don't take the limelight from the hostess of the wedding, the MOB." And maybe "don't clash with the bridesmaids." If they were worried about the bride, they'd say "don't wear white."
The idea of beige is that it goes with everything; nobody has to worry that you clash with the bridesmaids, or the MOB. It's a "go along, get along," color.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Titanica on September 30, 2019, 10:38:41 am
Back when I was getting married, the only "rule" was that the MOB and MOG were supposed to complement the colors of the bridal party.

I know I told this story on the old forum, but here it is again, just for fun.

My mother-in-law-to-be came to me very upset because she'd asked my mother what color she was going to wear for our wedding.  Apparently, my mother told her she wasn't sure yet, but she had a blue dress she had bought for my brother's wedding a few months earlier, and might wear that.  (My bridal party was going to be burgundy and dusty rose.)  So MIL was all in a tizzy because according to her, the MOB was supposed to wear pink and the MOG was supposed to wear blue, unless the MOB wore blue, in which case the MOG must wear pink.  All regardless of the bridal party colors.  I have no idea at all where that came from.

Now, you have to understand, this was my mother's MO.  She got a weird kick out of not providing something she knew someone was waiting for.  She also had to make it known that this was all of little importance to her (hence, the "I'll just wear a dress I already have" bit).  I told MIL to just forget about it and wear whatever she wanted, and if my mother ended up not matching or not coordinating, well, that was on her.  No, no, no, MIL kept saying, she HAD to know what my mother was wearing.

As it turned out, my mother wore a beautiful pink dress, which she bought new.  (I figured she would.  Recycling a mother's dress for a wedding wasn't her style, even though I really didn't care).  And my MIL wore an absolutely stunning royal blue dress that looks gorgeous on her.  It didn't match the bridesmaids, but I couldn't have cared less; it was still beautiful.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Hmmm on September 30, 2019, 12:27:38 pm
Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for MOB/MOG attire.

I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: STiG on September 30, 2019, 12:53:11 pm
My MIL was worried about what she was going to wear for our wedding.  I told her she could wear whatever she liked, as long as it was a step up from jeans. No MOB to coordinate with.

When I was a bridesmaid for a friend, the 5 of us - the bride, the MOB and the three bridesmaids - went shopping for shoes for all of us and the MOB's dress.  She tried on one that we thought looked fabulous but MOB wasn't sure so we continued on.  She ended up trying on a navy dress that was in no way similar to the wedding party's navy dresses.  We could tell she really liked this one but she was worried about wearing the same colour.  The bride told her, 'Mom, you obviously feel like this dress suits you best; buy it and wear it.  Who cares what colour it is!'  The MOG had actually already picked out her dress before we went shopping so I guess she didn't get the memo that the MOB is supposed to pick first.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: baritone108 on September 30, 2019, 01:34:58 pm
The only rule I'd ever heard of is that the MOB and MOG are not supposed to look like members of the wedding party.  When my daughter was married the MOG and I each bought dresses which fit the formality of the occasion and complimented us.  We did not consult with each other and she found her dress first, which did not bother me at all.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: lakey on September 30, 2019, 02:18:30 pm
I have never heard of any of these rules. I never heard any rule about MOB in Catholic weddings wearing blue. That is probably a local custom. I've had 4 siblings get married in church weddings and a good 40 first cousins. In most cases there wasn't a lot of consulting between MOB and MOG. They picked dressy outfits that they liked and weren't too concerned with complementing bridesmaids. They all had the good sense to not pick fire engine red or anything outlandish. I've never been to a wedding where the MOB or MOG looked wrong.

It seems like when people overthink these wedding details, they add to the stress of wedding planning and take away from the enjoyment.

By the way, I love the current trend of brides telling their bridesmaids to pick a dress they like in a particular color, rather than all of them having the same dress. The last time I was a bridesmaid I was in my mid thirties. There were four of us thirty somethings wearing what looked like identical prom dresses. I felt ridiculous. My point is that we like to pick out clothes that flatter us and make us feel good. We are different heights, weight, and coloring. A style, length, or color that looks good on one person may look awful on another. The same is true of the MOB and MOG with regard to color. Even if they pick the same color, they will probably be different shades and styles. With everything that has to be dealt with in planning a wedding, the mothers stressing out over hats, dress colors, who picks first, just all seems counter productive.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: whiterose on September 30, 2019, 02:52:14 pm
I actually searched for suitable dresses for my MIL (MOG). She picked her favorite. It worked well and she looked great. She may even wear it again.

I purchased the dresses for my two bridesmaids. Maid of Honor does NOT like pink, dresses, or pink dresses. Matron of Honor loves both- but was not able to have attendants wear pink at her wedding. So I bought a blue dress for the Maid and a pink one for the Matron. They loved them. I did purchase them at my favorite clothing store- not the wedding store where I bought my dress through their website.

For the flower girls, their parents took them shopping for dresses one weekend day. They texted pics of the dresses to my groom and I- and we gave our approval. Winning dresses were blue with pink flowers- so they worked with the bridesmaids dresses.

I have not heard any rules other than to dress suitably for the weather, time of day, and formality of the ceremony and reception. Ours was a morning ceremony and early afternoon lunch in the springtime in a Southeastern USA state.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Rose Red on September 30, 2019, 04:11:23 pm
I never heard of the rule that the MOB picks first. What's the reasoning? Doesn't seem fair to me. Seems like it's going along with the silly idea that the wedding is "the bride's day."
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Aleko on September 30, 2019, 05:03:38 pm
Quote
I've just been thinking that all these rules didn't exist before 1960's when colour photography became mainstream.

But perhaps more importantly they didn't exist when a wedding was seen as an occasion where friends and family gathered to witness and celebrate the couple's transition into a new personal and social state, rather than a performed spectacle requiring appropriately cast roles, rehearsals and coordinated costuming.

Quote
And the Virgin Mary is depicted wearing blue because it was supposedly the colour of MOTHERHOOD, not Virginity.

Anybody who supposes that, supposes wrong. It wasn't, and isn't. None of the other mother-saints in the Christian canon (e.g. St Anne, St Elizabeth) are routinely shown wearing blue. In fact Mary herself wasn't, for the first 200 years or so when she was only thought of as Christ's mother. But pressure grew for her to be elevated to a special status, as Queen of Heaven and the prime intercessor, and as that change took place it became normal to give her a robe of blue such as was worn in Byzantium only by empresses, and which was created for paintings by crushed lapis lazuli, a precious stone imported from Afghanistan, the most expensive of all pigments. Its use stressed the specialness of Mary, and her difference from ordinary mothers.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Hello Ducky on September 30, 2019, 11:48:09 pm
if Catholic MOGs really wear blue, does anyone know why? Given that blue is the colour of the Virgin Mary, it seems on the face of it thoroughly inappropriate!

So no one can wear blue in a religious setting?  I see it as a sign of respect for her.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Aleko on October 01, 2019, 12:19:50 am
Quote
So no one  can wear blue in a religious setting?

Of course I didn't mean that! I meant that for the mother of the bride at a Catholic wedding to be 'allotted' the Virgin Mary's colour is weird and illogical, given that one thing she by definition can't be is a virgin! Whereas the rule Titanica mentions, of the MOB wearing pink and the MOG wearing blue, while as silly and impertinent as any other demand to govern the clothing choices of a grown-up woman at a family event, is at least logical.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Chez Miriam on October 01, 2019, 06:57:48 am
Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for MOB/MOG attire.

I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.

And when money was tighter!

My mum and dad's wedding photos show both sets of (my) grandparents in "church best" - best Sunday clothing, best Sunday hats [for the ladies].  I think other than my aunt who was a matron of honour, all the guests looked "Sunday best".  That was early 1960's and two families without a lot of spare money, and the 'reception' was tea and sandwiches at my maternal grandparents' house, before my parents left in the early afternoon to go on their honeymoon.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: BeagleMommy on October 01, 2019, 09:11:04 am
The only "rules" I had heard about MOB/MOG dressing was that they should wear clothes in the right formality for the wedding and that they should not wear things similar to the bridesmaids.

My wedding party was a rainbow (each bridesmaid in a different color) so color choice was open.  My mom picked her dress first by coincidence.  She wore a pretty teal dress.  My late MIL picked a gown of the same length in periwinkle, but it was not the same dress.  They both looked lovely.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Hmmm on October 01, 2019, 09:12:52 am
I never heard of the rule that the MOB picks first. What's the reasoning? Doesn't seem fair to me. Seems like it's going along with the silly idea that the wedding is "the bride's day."

I think the idea that the wedding was more bride's focused is more of a left over custom than "silly". Up till about 20 -30 years ago, 90% of grooms just didn't take much interest in the wedding planning. If you asked a groom 4 months before the wedding party what the colors were, he* might be able to tell you blue but don't expect him to know if it was royal, light, aqua or some other variation. Most of the planning was done by the bride and usually the bride's mother. These are the days before the internet and Pintrest boards and wedding websites. Selections were made by going to the florist to look at their hard copy book of potential  arrangements, dresses were picked in store or out of a hard copy catalog, and food selected by going to the event center or the bakery. Sharing of the wedding details weren't so easy to share or even thought of interest by anyone other than the bride, her wedding party, and her parents.

Also, back then the bride's mother and father were normally the host of the wedding and therefore were also establishing the style and formality of the event...or at least the mom had a better idea of what the bride's vision was. So it was a sensible solution to have the MOB pick her dress and then helpfully share that information with the MOG so that the MOB could choose something equally appropriate. Not sharing those details with the MOG would have been seen as what we would consider today as a "micro-aggression" and potentially setting up the MOG to look out of place.


*It was thought unusual that my husband had so much interest in helping to plan our wedding but I don't think he attended any conversation with the florist or knew what the bridesmaid dresses looked like till they walked down the aisle even though there was a bolt of fabric in our living week for about 2 weeks until I got it to the seamstress.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Rose Red on October 01, 2019, 09:38:43 am
^ Yes, I understand weddings are more bride focused and brides do most of the planning. However, the MOG is still watching her son (maybe only son) get married and shouldn't have to fade into the background or wait until the MOB picks her dress. The hosts informing the groom's family of the level of formality should be enough.

Beige? Bah I say! :D ;)
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Hmmm on October 01, 2019, 10:06:54 am
^ Yes, I understand weddings are more bride focused and brides do most of the planning. However, the MOG is still watching her son (maybe only son) get married and shouldn't have to fade into the background or wait until the MOB picks her dress. The hosts informing the groom's family of the level of formality should be enough.

Beige? Bah I say! :D ;)

No one is saying that she should fade into the background. Your question was around why the MOB picks first. Providing an example of what she planned to wear was seen as helpful to the MOG, not trying to put her as a lesser position. I'm sure there were MOG's who chose to view what was supposed to be a helpful and kind gesture as downplaying their position. 

But back in the days when the bride's family was mostly paying for the wedding, no the MOG did not get an equal say in the planning. So trying to advice was overstepping. They were an honored guest at the event, but still a guest just like the grandmothers and grandfathers.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: whiterose on October 01, 2019, 10:08:43 am
My brother got married in a Catholic ceremony at a Catholic church. My mother wore a blue dress with a black jacket.

I had not heard about that rule before.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Titanica on October 01, 2019, 10:22:04 am
Just to be clear, I'm pretty sure that my MIL's "MOB wears pink, MOG wears blue unless MOB wears blue, then MOG wears pink" is or ever was any kind of actual rule or custom or tradition, and I have no idea where she got it from.  She may have seen it done that way somewhere and assumed it was the rule.  I had never heard of it before or since.

As I said, the "rule" at the time was just that the mothers should complement the bridal party.  My mother did so, as it happened, and my MIL did not - but I really didn't care.  Her dress was lovely, she thought she was following the "rule," so as far as I was concerned, it was a win. 

I only wish that her dress not matching was the worst thing that happened that day. 
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: TootsNYC on October 01, 2019, 10:25:17 am
I never heard of the rule that the MOB picks first. What's the reasoning? Doesn't seem fair to me. Seems like it's going along with the silly idea that the wedding is "the bride's day."

Traditionally speaking, she's the hostess. She's doing all the heavy lifting in terms of planning, etc. (Traditionally speaking, remember.)

And if the two high-profile women, who are going to be memorialized in photos, are going to both contrast and coordinate their outfits, so that one of them isn't in sequins and the other in a less glittery outfit, or one of them is in a hat and the other not, and then one of them feels overdressed or underdressed, which is uncomfortable--well, SOMEone has to go first.

And so the hostess does, because she also sets the tone for the party itself. How formal? There ARE shades of formality in women's dress.

By sharing info about her choice, she allows the other matriarch to choose clothing that is in a simlar vein, so she doesn't feel she's overdone it or underdone it.
   She can also provide info to any family members on her side who are saying, "Are sequins too much?"

So, picking her dress first is not necessarily a prize; it might be a responsibility.

Just as the MOB's entrance is not actually a gesture of honor--she is the last to sit down due to her responsibilities as hostess. She's been working up to that point, and no good hostess sits down and takes her leisure until her guests are situated.

Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: TootsNYC on October 01, 2019, 10:28:35 am
Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for MOB/MOG attire.

I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.

And when money was tighter!

My mum and dad's wedding photos show both sets of (my) grandparents in "church best" - best Sunday clothing, best Sunday hats [for the ladies].  I think other than my aunt who was a matron of honour, all the guests looked "Sunday best".  That was early 1960's and two families without a lot of spare money, and the 'reception' was tea and sandwiches at my maternal grandparents' house, before my parents left in the early afternoon to go on their honeymoon.

My grandmother wore her expensive wedding dress for years after. She had apparently scandalized the family by spending so much money on it. But part of why she did is that it became her go-to dress for teachers' wives luncheons, attending other people's weddings (even though her dress was white; it apparently wasn't a big deal), etc.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Thitpualso on October 01, 2019, 12:59:02 pm
I think the tradition of the MOB wearing blue arose because blue is a practical color for a dressy outfit.  I doubt if there’s any ‘rule’ for Catholic Weddings but blue does seem to turn up more than pure chance would suggest.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Rose Red on October 01, 2019, 03:11:11 pm
I think the tradition of the MOB wearing blue arose because blue is a practical color for a dressy outfit.  I doubt if there’s any ‘rule’ for Catholic Weddings but blue does seem to turn up more than pure chance would suggest.

I agree. When in doubt, wear blue. I don't think it has anything to do with Mary. It's just that it's a classic and safe color. The MOB or MOG wouldn't want to wear black to their children's wedding. If they don't want to wear beige or brighter colors, blue is a good safe choice.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Copper Horsewoman on October 01, 2019, 06:05:59 pm
The only "rules" I had heard about MOB/MOG dressing was that they should wear clothes in the right formality for the wedding and that they should not wear things similar to the bridesmaids.

My wedding party was a rainbow (each bridesmaid in a different color) so color choice was open.  My mom picked her dress first by coincidence.  She wore a pretty teal dress.  My late MIL picked a gown of the same length in periwinkle, but it was not the same dress.  They both looked lovely.

Yes, our wedding (44 years ago this Friday! GULP!) was rainbow also (royal blue, garnet red and royal purple), my mom wore a turquoise dress with a white lace bodice, his mom wore a beautiful slate blue (she was a redhead - stunning). 
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Mary Sunshine Rain on October 01, 2019, 09:26:32 pm
Had no idea about the Catholic MOB in blue, but my mom wore blue to my wedding.  Come to think of it, she wore a blue dress to my sister's wedding too. 

Spooky!
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: shadowfox79 on October 02, 2019, 01:19:20 am
I think my MIL's plan was "if in doubt wear blue" because that's what she did, even though she told me beforehand she didn't like the dress she'd bought because she looked "grannyish" in it. (SIL sweetly told her she was old enough to be a gran so she may as well look like it.)

Why she couldn't have just bought a dress she liked I have no idea.

My mother wore jade green. She'd have hated to wear pink.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Aleko on October 02, 2019, 01:36:52 am
Quote
Why she couldn't have just bought a dress she liked I have no idea.

She sounds a bit like my two eldest aunts. Late in life, when both widowed and with all their children grown up and left home, they shared a house together. They had just one hat between them suitable for a wedding, and when invited to one they would toss to decide who got to wear it; but because neither of them actually liked the hat it was the loser who wore it! It wasn't that they couldn't both of them afford a hat they liked - they weren't poor; they just felt that you don't throw away a perfectly good and 'suitable' hat. A different generation!
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Chez Miriam on October 02, 2019, 06:42:18 am
Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for MOB/MOG attire.

I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.

And when money was tighter!

My mum and dad's wedding photos show both sets of (my) grandparents in "church best" - best Sunday clothing, best Sunday hats [for the ladies].  I think other than my aunt who was a matron of honour, all the guests looked "Sunday best".  That was early 1960's and two families without a lot of spare money, and the 'reception' was tea and sandwiches at my maternal grandparents' house, before my parents left in the early afternoon to go on their honeymoon.

My grandmother wore her expensive wedding dress for years after. She had apparently scandalized the family by spending so much money on it. But part of why she did is that it became her go-to dress for teachers' wives luncheons, attending other people's weddings (even though her dress was white; it apparently wasn't a big deal), etc.

I think that's lovely!

Reminds me of a friend who got married when heavily pregnant, and bought a two-piece bodice and skirt set that looked like a (Mediaeval style) dress: she planned to have both pieces dyed afterwards, and taken in.  I think it was Vivienne Westwood, so would have definitely been an investment for the future.  She said she probably spent the same amount as she could have on a 'one time only' dress, but would get lots of wear out of the two parts once she was back out enjoying herself in the evening.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: gellchom on October 02, 2019, 02:31:40 pm
When my son got married, the MOB and I (who live in different cities) had a lot of fun talking about our shopping efforts and sending each other pictures.  I believe I found mine first, but I'm sure that the MOB didn't care; she would have thought I was crazy to pass on a dress because she hadn't found hers yet.  We both felt like we were on a hunt together and were so happy for each other when we found dresses!

The attendants wore sage green, and the bride had asked us to try to find some shade of green, but she understood green might be hard to fine, so a harmonizing color would be fine.  MOB found a gorgeous taupe dress that she loved.  I would have bet against it, but the dress I found that I loved most was green (not sage).  The grandmothers on our side wore gold and royal blue; I don't remember what her grandmothers wore. 

Oh, I almost forgot: the bride has a stepmother, too, and she wore -- a long ivory gown!  She put a large, lightweight green wrap over it and made sure never to remove it.  Her little stepsisters, who were flower girls, wore white with green sashes, so I guess their mom's dress worked with those.   I found it a surprising choice, but if the bride cared, she didn't show it.

Everything blended nicely in the photos.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: bopper on November 05, 2019, 10:49:44 am
I thought the rule for the MOG was "Shut up and wear beige"
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: gellchom on November 05, 2019, 01:29:12 pm
I thought the rule for the MOG was "Shut up and wear beige"

Well, but that's a joke, not a rule.  Or if it's a rule, then I just wore a very green shade of beige to my son's wedding.

(I'm sure you knew that, bopper, but we want to make sure we don't mislead anyone!   :) )
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: TootsNYC on November 05, 2019, 03:12:06 pm
the "wear beige" thing is really a snappy way to say, "don't make things more difficult," I think.
And "you are not the most important person here" and even "you aren't the decision maker."

I think that in the days when mothers were greatly more involved in planning weddings, it would be easy to end up in a situation in which two women who were used to ordering and organizing their own households might instinctively end up trying to both do the "steering."

I think those two underlying thoughts (don't make it difficult; you aren't in charge) are still good things to be reminded of.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: Hmmm on November 05, 2019, 03:19:06 pm
the "wear beige" thing is really a snappy way to say, "don't make things more difficult," I think.
And "you are not the most important person here" and even "you aren't the decision maker."

I think that in the days when mothers were greatly more involved in planning weddings, it would be easy to end up in a situation in which two women who were used to ordering and organizing their own households might instinctively end up trying to both do the "steering."

I think those two underlying thoughts (don't make it difficult; you aren't in charge) are still good things to be reminded of.

Agree. Also it was from a time with the bride's family normally footed the bill for the wedding and reception and they were not considered a host of the event, just an "honored guest".
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: VorFemme on November 05, 2019, 03:43:53 pm
I would say that the MOG and MOB should never wear black mourning dress, red satin that will attract attention away from the HC, or what looks like another wedding dress - but other than those broad guidelines, wear something comfortable that will look good in the photos and try to smile - people will forgive a lot if you look happy in the wedding photos.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: gramma dishes on November 05, 2019, 06:58:06 pm
I always thought the whole wear beige thing was because almost no matter what the other mother wore or what the official wedding colors were, beige would be unlikely to clash -- and would also be unlikely to attract attention away from the more prominently displayed members of the bridal party.
Title: Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
Post by: gellchom on December 11, 2019, 01:20:54 pm
I think that the beige thing is just the fashion equivalent of the other part of the formula of "Wear beige and keep your mouth shut."  That is, beige is the color equivalent of keeping your mouth shut -- i.e., letting the MOB be the focus, not the MOG.  (Not saying I agree with that!  Just that that is my understanding of the beige thing.)

I have been both MOG and MOB.  I wrote about my son's wedding above.  At my daughter's, when I was the MOB, I don't remember whether the MOG or I got our dress first, and I definitely did not care -- I never even thought about it until now.  I think I did.  But my daughter didn't care what color anyone wore.  My dress was black with magenta, the MOG wore gold, the MOH wore dark navy, and the bridesmaids (the bride's sister-in-law and the groom's sisters) wore black, navy (2), and flamingo orange (!). 
 
Boy, was I ever involved in the groom's mom's and three sisters' dresses, although not in selection.  For some reason, they all wanted to order from the US.  So my daughter had the dresses they wanted to try delivered to my house.  I had to take pictures and send them, and then ship them the choices (which is NOT cheap!).  And in an amusing irony, I bought my dress in their country!