Bad Manners and Brimstone
General Etiquette => Weddings => Topic started by: TeamBhakta on February 11, 2020, 06:29:08 pm
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Per a Reddit post, a wedding guest brought her own photographer to a friend's wedding. Miss Wedding Guest wanted pics for Instagram. Her boyfriend was a plus one; the photographer was her second (and unauthorized) plus one. The bride let the photographer stay, but wasn't happy about it. How would you handle a guest like that, if it was your wedding ?
https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/f28wny/wedding_guest_hires_their_own_photographer_for_to/
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I would tell her the photographer cannot stay. If she put up a fuss, I'd ask them all to leave.
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The letter writer mentioned the bride let it go, because she didn't want to create drama. Maybe I have a twisted sense of humour, but I'd be fine with creating that kind of drama. Would be a story to tell for years. I have no crazy stories from my wedding.
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Oh, hell no. As the bride I might not be the one to confront the friend but you can bet I'd be getting a sister, mother, aunt or someone to tell the friend that she was confused. It wasn't her wedding day but the couple's wedding day and if she wanted to use their wedding as a prop for her social media pages then she could pony up some money to pay for the event or else decide to take her photos at a different location or dismiss her employee for the day.
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Oh, hell no. As the bride I might not be the one to confront the friend but you can bet I'd be getting a sister, mother, aunt or someone to tell the friend that she was confused. It wasn't her wedding day but the couple's wedding day and if she wanted to use their wedding as a prop for her social media pages then she could pony up some money to pay for the event or else decide to take her photos at a different location or dismiss her employee for the day.
Yup. I'd get someone else (as bride, I wouldn't want to be dealing with it personally) to quietly and politely show them the door.
All one would need to do is say to the guest, "bring your photographer and bf, there's something I'd like to show you outside." Then, after you are well out of the venue and away from other guests, you ask them to either ditch the photographer or all leave.
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The letter writer mentioned the bride let it go, because she didn't want to create drama. Maybe I have a twisted sense of humour, but I'd be fine with creating that kind of drama. Would be a story to tell for years. I have no crazy stories from my wedding.
Back when I wrote a weddings etiquette column, I used to say, "I"m not saying you should hope someone drops the cake on the dance floor, but if they do, you can dine out on that story for ages."
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I don't see myself throwing the friend out of my wedding, but I would be cutting that so called friend out of my life afterwards. I can't even fathom the gall of usurping someone else's special event for my own benefit.
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The letter writer mentioned the bride let it go, because she didn't want to create drama. Maybe I have a twisted sense of humour, but I'd be fine with creating that kind of drama. Would be a story to tell for years. I have no crazy stories from my wedding.
Back when I wrote a weddings etiquette column, I used to say, "I"m not saying you should hope someone drops the cake on the dance floor, but if they do, you can dine out on that story for ages."
Hijack... Toots, I had no idea that you wrote such a column. I would be interested in reading these (if you should ever care to share.)
My reply... from my comfy chair, I want to say to kick that photographer out! But really it's your wedding day and sometimes there are more important things to worry about. But what a tacky friend. I would still be unimpressed, but I hope that this friend at least shared any photos that were taken, at least the ones that included the HC.
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I would tell her the photographer cannot stay. If she put up a fuss, I'd ask them all to leave.
Oh, I would get on the D.J.'s microphone, and inform the guests that "name" has brought her own photographer for her Instagram page, and that she will be responsible for getting image release forms from EVERYBODY who MIGHT be in a photo posted to her page. Also announce "influencer's" contact info AND the photographer's contact info, so that if any images appear of guests without permission, they should contact her for compensation.....
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I would bet the photographer isn't planning to photograph anyone else at all.
They'll be photographing our Instagrammer exclusively.
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What is this world coming to? Whenever I think I 'heard it all' something like this pops up. :o ::) ???
Copper Horsewoman -- image release forms is a great thought!
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Tell the bf and the photographer they can stay....friend has to go.
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Tell the bf and the photographer they can stay....friend has to go.
I like this idea very much!
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My wedding photographer had a clause in his contract that there would be no other professional photographers at my wedding or I would forfeit my right to the photos he took. He didn't care if Aunt Susie took pictures with her Instamatic but no professionals.
I'd be telling friend that her photographer had to leave or her entire entourage would have to go.
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Oh, just ... barf.
I’m so glad I don’t know that person!
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Relative of bride to photographer: I'm sorry, but this is a private event that requires an invitation. I don't believe you have an invitation.
If the guest who brought the photographer piped in, then it would have to be explained to her that she was invited to bring one guest.
Anyway, how self centered to you have to be to bring your own photographer to someone else's wedding?
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Tell the bf and the photographer they can stay....friend has to go.
I like this idea very much!
Or tell the Instagrammer: 'As you'll recall, the invitation was for you and a plus-one. You can't bring a second person in with you. Which do you want: your bf or your photographer?'
That would be fun, especially as presumably her photographer is (rightly) going to bill her for time and expenses anyway.
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I'm doing the Mr. Burns finger-steeple. "Excellent..."
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I have to put some blame on this photographer, too (although certainly less than our Insta-friend.) What kind of professional would agree to do this? Sure, maybe the photographer thought the friend had the HC's blessing, but the whole idea of hijacking this wedding feels icky to me... and I would hope any reputable photographer! Now if they wanted to do a little session before, after, in-between the festivities, then I suppose that would be fine. (But that also would not involve bringing the photographer as an extra guest.)
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Did the extra photographer expect a meal?
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I have to put some blame on this photographer, too (although certainly less than our Insta-friend.) What kind of professional would agree to do this? Sure, maybe the photographer thought the friend had the HC's blessing, but the whole idea of hijacking this wedding feels icky to me... and I would hope any reputable photographer! Now if they wanted to do a little session before, after, in-between the festivities, then I suppose that would be fine. (But that also would not involve bringing the photographer as an extra guest.)
I have a feeling that this extra photographer is not really a professional. I suspect its someone the 'guest' knows through Instagram or some other source and she was able to talk him or her into going along with this idea. If a true professional did it, I would think it would be the kiss of death in terms of future business.
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I have to put some blame on this photographer, too (although certainly less than our Insta-friend.) What kind of professional would agree to do this? Sure, maybe the photographer thought the friend had the HC's blessing, but the whole idea of hijacking this wedding feels icky to me... and I would hope any reputable photographer! Now if they wanted to do a little session before, after, in-between the festivities, then I suppose that would be fine. (But that also would not involve bringing the photographer as an extra guest.)
I have a feeling that this extra photographer is not really a professional. I suspect its someone the 'guest' knows through Instagram or some other source and she was able to talk him or her into going along with this idea. If a true professional did it, I would think it would be the kiss of death in terms of future business.
You are probably absolutely correct. This seems like a no-brainer on a professional level.
As a side note, it appears to me that the number of people who call themselves professional photographers is growing. The technology has gotten to a point that you barely need any skill to take a decent photo (and the price tag isn't all that extreme either.) I am probably not a good judge as to what is a "good" photograph, but I find myself getting a bit judgey about all the "professionals" out there. Some of them would be better labeled as hobbyist.
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I would bet the photographer isn't planning to photograph anyone else at all.
They'll be photographing our Instagrammer exclusively.
They probably wouldn't make a huge effort to make sure there's nobody else in the picture, even if it was all "This is Me, Jane Interloper, jn a fancy hotel room." If you just want pictures of yourself. you don't need to go where you're sure to run into a crowd.
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My wedding photographer had a clause in his contract that there would be no other professional photographers at my wedding or I would forfeit my right to the photos he took. He didn't care if Aunt Susie took pictures with her Instamatic but no professionals.
I'd be telling friend that her photographer had to leave or her entire entourage would have to go.
This was my first thought. Even if the bride was kind enough to let them stay, her photographer may have issues with it.
That being said, I’d be requesting the “friends“ photographer to leave and if they didn’t like it, they could all three leave. Just tacky
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I was about to say, "Who does this?" but apparently influencers do... But yes, I think this is the moment to send someone over to bounce Friend and photographer out of the wedding. BF can stay if he's cringing from embarrassment that Friend did this.
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They can all just leave on the spot, I would refuse to deal or accommodate them only to be pissed about it for years to come. The person would also not be hearing from me again. Life is too short to tolerate entitled jackasses.
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My Dad was a fanatical camera buff, obnoxiously so >:( . He brought his camera equipment everywhere, including to my cousins' wedding :-[. They certainly wouldn't have kicked him out. He was their beloved uncle and they knew how much he loved taking pictures, obnoxiously so. The wedding photographer, of course, was not pleased.
Turns out it was a lucky thing my Dad was so obnoxious about being an amateur photographer because the professional photographer's pictures turned out like....one of the words we ban here. My cousins were grateful that they did end up with plenty of good photos, thanks to my photo bug Dad. ;D
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My Dad was a fanatical camera buff, obnoxiously so >:( . He brought his camera equipment everywhere, including to my cousins' wedding :-[. They certainly wouldn't have kicked him out. He was their beloved uncle and they knew how much he loved taking pictures, obnoxiously so. The wedding photographer, of course, was not pleased.
Turns out it was a lucky thing my Dad was so obnoxious about being an amateur photographer because the professional photographer's pictures turned out like....one of the words we ban here. My cousins were grateful that they did end up with plenty of good photos, thanks to my photo bug Dad. ;D
I would give your dad a pass: a guest who is over-enthusiastic about their own hobby [I can imagine foodies trying to identify ingredients in the menu, and fashion designers/florists "ooh"ing over the dress/flowers also seeming a little OTT] is still a guest. "Guest Saves Day" is a great memory for the couple to laugh about [when all the upset has vanished], but I'm not sure someone else's professional photographer would hand over their work as a kindness. :-\
A photographer brought along by a guest is an uninvited guest at best, an interloper by any standards, and possibly an unmitigated nuisance/obtrusive interruption to proceedings if they (photographer) don't have the sense to stay in the background.
Influencer? Well, it's making my eye tic a little thinking about how I would handle this [scary eyes/ice-cold politeness is my Level 1 thought, and it doesn't get better from there].