Bad Manners and Brimstone

"Who will you be visiting and staying with?  Because like I said, I am not available on weekends."

Quote from: Aleko on June 15, 2021, 04:40:08 am

What are 'finger lakes'?

Also - sorry, grammar nerd alert! - you surely meant "my best friend invited mom and me"!

They’ve answered your question about the finger lakes - as for your other comments- do you feel bettknow that you’ve completely a d totally humiliated someone?   You are NOT my teacher or my parent it’s not for you to correct me!

Bopper, Andi has not returned to this site since the above exchange, so unfortunately I don’t believe you’ll get a reply to your comment/suggestion :-/

2. you did actually type 'eat finger lakes' and I honestly wondered what local delicacy those might be!

Based on the way my phone likes to “autocorrect”  on my behalf, I’m willing to bet OP was trying to type “near” the Finger Lakes, not “eat” the Finger Lakes.

Either way, great resolution Andi, it sounds like a lovely, low stress weekend!

I can't imagine why she had his personal account information in the first place since they are just work acquaintances, not really work friends.   But no.  He did the right thing.   If he had responded this time you know it would have happened again and again.

I agree she was rude and shouldn’t have reached out to him on his Facebook. But I do *not* think this is a case of her having information that she should not have. IME the majority of people using FB these days tend to have their real names displayed, so if you know someone’s name and a minimal amount of info such as the state they live in that is all you need to find someone who has “open search” settings (my settings are more “closed” and I can only be contacted by people I’m friends with or someone who is the friend of a friend)

People  have become SO thin skinned in the last year that it is impossible to have gentle, joking conversations without being prepared to then explain yourself multiple times.

I think a kinder (and less stressful) way to think of this is not that people are more “thin skinned” but it’s that we are suffering from collective trauma and a rawness of emotions. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t had some sort of horrific loss in the last year - death of loved ones, loss of job/financial stability, fear for the future - the human brain isn’t wired to be anxious 24/7/365 and after awhile it shows.

I know it’s hard to show grace to people who seem like they do nothing but complain, but sometimes it is the best thing you can do for *yourself*

Sorry if that was kind of “soapboxy” or overstepping but it’s been hard watching so many people I love turn inwards because of their pain that it leaves me feeling completely helpless and looking for some way to make others feel it a little less.

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It has always been costume jewelry that I am told to wear on the day of the wedding.

I did this; it turned out that all my attendants wore their knee-length black dresses again, and wore those necklaces again.

But when I wrote an etiquette column, I saw a lot of advice that said this was not an appropriate gift. And I agree. I wish I'd done something different. Or, additional, perhaps.

My husband's guys got nice pens.

This is my experience as well, that the bridesmaid's gift is usually some sort of jewelry to wear at the wedding. As someone who doesn't wear a ton of jewelry in my day to day life and is very selective about what I do wear, the best thing I can say about it is that it does make dressing for the day easier.

On the other hand, my favorite bridesmaid gift was when my cousin got married - she loaned me some earrings and the gift was a certificate to a local spa which was much appreciated.

Also in my experience, the other reason behind a rehearsal dinner was it gave guests who traveled from out of town an extra chance to catch up/it was usually closer friends/family that are the ones arriving "early" - I believe in United States wedding culture this is one of the only wedding events that wouldn't be considered A/B list because rehearsal dinners are usually much smaller affairs.


Congratulations to your daughter, I hope they have many happy years together!

Quote from: Amara on February 20, 2021, 12:17:52 am

I wouldn't commit that far in advance unless I knew that the invitation was solid, that is, was going to happen barring any emergencies. I'd simply tell her that. It's not rude to anyone but especially if you know the invitation comes from someone who often doesn't hold to. her own commitments.

It looks like Jill actually does keep those commitments.


LifeOnPluto, maybe you could tell Jill that you only plan your calendar about one month in advance except for big events like weddings, and ticketed events like concerts, etc. Then you can tell her if she still wants you to meet her for dinner in late May to get back to you in late April.

I agree, no one is "wrong" in this situation, you just have different ways of operating.  Personally, I"m more of a Jill in that it is very helpful for my mental health to know I have things planned in advance, even if it is a long way off.  I would go with kckgirl's wording, because reading your original post it does come across a bit like you don't find Jill's events that interesting and you are a little resentful that agreeing to go to one might keep you from "something better"

Good luck!

Kate should just stay home. Her parents aren’t willing to stand up to her brother and HE isn’t willing to take basic precautions to keep the rest of the family safe so IMO it’s just not even worth arguing over.

Better to know she’s “right” and safe than to go and risk getting sick.