Bad Manners and Brimstone

A few weeks ago, I got a friend request on Facebook from Donna Mackenzie (no real names here, obviously). Who is that? I had no idea. Before deleting the request, I did check out her page. Kids listed included Luke Whitmer and Aaron Whitmer. Wait a minute! I know them, and I used to work with their mother: Donna Whitmer! Oh, my gosh, she must have gotten divorced and remarried. (Now, there is the whole gripe I have about people sending friend requests without even hinting that I would know them under a different name, but I guess that's just me).

Donna and I worked together when I first started working for the state, about 20 or more years ago. Avoiding a lot of detail, but we were fairly close, but life happens. So I accepted the request. Then I was getting ready for my annual craft retreat, and didn't reach out. I saw a few of her posts and I would think, "Oh, I really should message her." Then I would remember another thing I needed to pack for the retreat and would forget. Finally, last week, I got a DM from her: "It's been a long time. How are you?" I replied that I was doing fine, and asked her how she was doing.

And that was it. So, I used to be more of a people pleaser, and part of me is saying, "You should really reach out." But my life is pretty full, and I guess I am asking myself if I should feel guilty for returning the ball to her side of the court and letting her make it clear if she wants to reopen the friendship.

All four of us older adults who live in my house use a grocery store plastic bag to dump our bathroom trashcan into, tie it up and place it in a larger can in the garage.  I did that one day and sometime later I happened to go into the garage and there was my SIL holding my little bathroom trash bag and pawing through it.  I was taken aback and said "what are you doing"?  He said he was looking through it for recyclables.  I hope he had fun handling all of that yukkie stuff.  I informed him that I didn't want him to bother with my trash.  That I was perfectly capable of taking care of any bathroom items that belonged in the recycle bin!  Who does that??

That is incredibly gross. And disturbing.

Last night, my sister and I went out for dinner at a local diner. At one point, a waitress went to a nearby table to clear dishes, offer dessert, ask if anyone needed to box up their food. One of the women picked up her empty plate and proceeded to lick it while telling the waitress (as she dragged her tongue across the plate) that she had enjoyed  the meal. I whispered to my sister, "Did you see that?" How could I miss, she replied, her eyes bulging from her head.

So have you ever witnessed some act that was so outrageously bad etiquette that you couldn't believe what you were seeing?

Years and years ago, my parents took me out to a casual restaurant. Suddenly, my mother's eyes went wide. The man behind my back had decided to thoroughly pick his teeth with a steak knife, very bad manners, but also more than a little dangerous (my mother said he was digging vigorously in his back molars while also talking).

I have a few very close friends and 2 sisters. Maybe. Just maybe, I would help them. But don't insult me by pretending that it is some kind of party. I am doing you a favor by helping you because I love you and know that you would do the same for me. So, if people showed up to help me do whatever, I would definitely take them out to dinner afterwards and probably give them a little gift and a handwritten card.

But it's not a party.

I also have a landline and a cell. On the cell, caller ID will only show up if I have that number in my directory. On the landline, caller ID shows up and that is why I am far more likely to give out the landline number to people that I want to screen the call.

Patti was out of line, but I wouldn't know how to address that. Now there is a very good chance that Tanya won't actually call, but quite frankly, I wouldn't count on it. Tanya is the relentless kind of talker who, if she is unable to connect with her regular calls, will start scrolling through her directory for someone, anyone, to call and talk to. Good luck.

There is a friend I used to work with, and we meet one or two times a year. We live at least 25 miles apart, and after the first few times, we have settled on the PF Changs almost exactly equidistant from each of us. It works, and it's a no brainer.  I would pick a place that worked well before, and suggest it every time. If she doesn't want to do that one any more, I'm sorry, but the onus is on her.

Monday, I spoke on the phone with the man who mows my lawn. It was rainy, and we tentatively agreed on Tuesday, maybe Wednesday. Tuesday, he called in the morning, and I initially assumed he was calling to confirm he would be out. After a garbled greeting, he dropped a bombshell. His wife had laid down Monday evening to take a nap, and she died in her sleep. He was understandably a mess. I have spoken to him a few times, and he is distraught, sobbing at times, blaming himself for not checking on why she seemed to be taking such a long nap.

I don't want to be one of those thoughtless people that say such cruel things, even inadvertently. What I have said: I am so sorry. I know you loved her so much. I know you are the person who takes care of everyone else.

Although she had health issues, I have been careful not to say it was for the best.

What other minefields should I watch out for? (My sister and I also gave him a little money to help cover the cost of the funeral). Over the years, I have heard such horror stories of people who remember the horrible thing that was said years in the past, and I don't want to cause him any more pain.

Edit to add: Not that I am a thoughtless person, but this has been such a shock (I've known him for years) and my brain has shut down.

tl:dr

Too Long; Didn't Read.

The Cliff's Notes version. A quick summary.