Bad Manners and Brimstone

We finished "tidying" the left hand side of the back garden [getting rid of willow saplings that should never have got out of the ground, and had grown like cress], and are now in the thick of planting acers, a few shrubs, and the perennials I spend days dividing up back when we were first locked down and the weather was too good not to garden.

I know I had a couple of days where I ended up with over 90 plants, and one with over 70 [plus another couple of minor efforts], so we are going to be busy for the forseeable future.  We waited till the weather turned cooler/wetter; Kent [south of England] has had a long hot dry summer, so we waited to plant things until the risk of dying almost immediately had passed.

We also did some more work for my mum: relocating peonies, so that she could plant hostas, and trimming back "wrong" branches to various trees.

I'm itching to get back to some knitting/making some masks, but I can't settle whilst the weather permits us to plant things!

Wig

Oh, no worries, I took it to mean "most plastic holders are kind of crappy," and I actually sort of agree that they kind of are. Mine in particular was very cheap, very low-end. Maybe it was made by Rubbermaid decades ago, but who knows?

But it's so functional that I adore it.

And now that I store it in the cabinet, I really need the tilting functionality. So I'll be sad when it eventually gets really brittle and cracks.

This is the closest I could find to what mine is. Though mine isn't as modern looking and it doesn't have the vents for drying (those would be a nightmare to clean).

https://www.wayfair.com/bed-bath/pdp/libman-premium-angled-17in-h-free-standing-toilet-brush-and-holder-quj1183.html

Thank you for being gracious!

Those vents?  Perfect for trapping germs and 'residue'.  Sometimes I wonder who designs these things...

But then I decide it's a person who has never had a cleaning job in their entire life!

as toilet brush holders go, I much prefer my "crappy plastic holder." It's smooth and easy to clean; you don't actually look at the bristles, you can get the brush in and out easily (it tips to facilitate that), etc.

I'm pretty sure I will mourn it when it goes.

But my guests (who are seldom, even in non-COVID times) don't really need a toilet brush; if they're worried about leaving a smear, I'm hopeful they'll open the cabinet door. And it'll be right in front.

Sorry, Toots, I posted without thinking it through...

I didn't mean to imply yours was a crappy plastic holder.  What I meant was my ceramic [smooth, hides the bristles] item replaced my original loo brush - which really was a crappy plastic affair.  I think I bought it for 69 pence, which shouts volumes about the quality.  We were still renting after we bought this [then uninhabitable] house, so I needed a cheap extra brush, and wouldn't splash out on Poundland quality!

I don't think I've ever used a plunger on a loo...

Our lives in with tools we rarely use in a storage basket; the last time it was used was 2011 when we moved into a rental property, and the kitchen sink didn't drain properly.  That [once we'd dismantled the U-bend] blockage turned out to have been caused by some moron the diy man pouring wet cement down the sink; odd that a plunger didn't fix it. </sarcasm>

Whereas the loo brush is a necessity [those of you with 'explosive' gastric issues will know what I mean, I'm sure], so is stored by the loo in a decorative holder [think sturdy ceramic bowl, rather than crappy plastic holder].

Toots: I'm glad you found a solution that works for you, but sorry about you no longer needing the pussycat stuff.

I'm glad you've started the conversation/process now - it gives Brielle plenty of time/practice to get used to the idea, and that little suit looks perfect for a girl attending a wedding!  I hope you find a lovely hairclip or ribbon to match, and you all have a wonderful time at the wedding.

I'm glad you reacted well to the posters above, because it makes my tale of my college friend an anecdote rather than a dire warning:

"M" was Daddy's Little Princess, and the world was moulded to fit comfortably around her wants/desires [and Daddy had enough clout/money to ensure that happened]...

And then M went to [over 18s] college, and by her (truly spectacular) tantrums/demands alienated every. single. fellow. student.  Apart from me (for some reason).  I loved M like the little sister I never had, and resolved to have the "awkward conversation".  So that ended up with M hating me.

After a few weeks of no-one in the class talking with her, and her shunning me, she actually apologised to me [for hitting me, as well; that was part of her arsenal, when she didn't get her way].  Because I thought she was a lovely girl, who had just been ruined by her father's indulgence, I forgave her and we became great friends.  Other people did not.  She dropped out of college after a couple of years.  I still miss her [when I think of her], but I believe [from some trickled-back reports via friends-of-friends] she started out afresh with a new attitude, so I'm hopeful that she went on to make some truly wonderful friends.

Someone choosing a different path for her aged 7 really would have made those years between 18 and 20 a lot easier.

BTDT, got many, many T-shirts.

Sometimes, I'll ask people if they would like me to arrange for the thing to be done.

I agree with Morticia's comments about anxiety. That's my initial reaction to a complaint, too.  Followed by, "How am I gonna fix this?" I've learned over time that it's not always my problem to fix.

I am a fixer, too - there's a lot of us here.  I'm getting much better at spotting the 'calls for sympathy', but I've also got a lot better at not providing endless sympathy to people who can't/won't/don't help themselves but engage in all sorts of other activities that they can find energy/time/money for.

I know it's harsh, but sometimes I will say: "I offered to help you with this problem, you said you wanted to fix it, I went to a lot of trouble to help you, and you did nothing, and now I don't want to hear about it any more.  Now, how was that bean dip you were making?".

I'm fine helping people to solve problems of their own making, but when they take up my valuable time and mental resources, let me do all the 'hard' work, and then just can't be bothered to lift one finger, I don't want to hear about how they are 'suffering'.

If someone tells me "I know I messed up, but is there any chance of sympathy anyway?", I'm totally fine with that, and never mention the whatever-it-was, just pour the (virtual) tea and get out the (virtual) biscuits, and provide lavish servings of sympathy.  I think we all need support when we know we messed up, but I'm not so good when the person denies any responsibility for what they're going through, just demands sympathy.

I'm not sure if I need to work on that?  Or whether having people who like wallowing in problems of their own making drop out of my life is a good thing?

For the record: I regard a person who has become overwhelmed as totally deserving sympathy, but I'm getting better at not providing it to people who seem to expect the world to be bent to fit them, and I should be part of the bending crew [if that makes sense].

And now I'm wondering if I'm a horrible person.

Another responsibility is cleaning up the dog poop. It really needs to be picked up daily, unless you want the stench during the summer months.

I think this is where Amara's suggestion is genius; I'm guessing that poop-picker-upper will be one of the new-volunteer jobs at most shelters?  It would certainly give a more balanced view than "play with this puppy".

Having lived next door to never-picker-uppers, with a tiny garden [think 15' x 15'], the smell can be horrendous and make a person living in the next house along yearn for cold, wet, winter to start.