Bad Manners and Brimstone

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But that's just it.  In the future, you have to be clear, not just hint-around.  If you require that parents stay, say so on the invitation.  Don't just state "parents welcome to stay" and then get angry when they don't/can't."

If you require parents to stay be prepared for single parents who have other children asking if the siblings can also stay  OR decline the invitation rather than make other arrangements.

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Exactly.  I had another son who was only one year younger, but required  a solid three-hour nap in the afternoon.  I'd have had to decline the invitation.

Quote from: Isisnin on July 18, 2022, 10:20:35 am

Quote from: Aleko on July 18, 2022, 03:06:50 am

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I wonder if you should send them contact info for a local dog-boarding place. Or a different neighbor who'll agree to watch dogs for money.

No. Their dogs, their circus, their monkeys: they need to own the issue and realise that it isn’t up to their host or anyone else to run around finding solutions. If they have never looked for a dog-loving neighbor, professional dog-minder or boarding kennel near their own home to leave their dogs with when they go somewhere non-dog-friendly, it’s high time they did.

This exactly. I very briefly thought about the OP providing info about local dog boarding, but then the dog owners would take that as the OP not only agreeing to help, but being required to help. "The one you recommended is booked/unsuitable. Find me another one." "Since no kennel is working out, you have to talk to the owners of the venue again and get them to agree to us bringing our fluffy-wuffy." or even. "the kennel did or did not do whatever. You recommended it. You have to pay for it." etc. etc.

We're making suppositions here, but for the sake of debate , I thought the exact opposite of the bold above. Presenting the rude one (RO) with a list of kennels (or at least one address or kennel name) would show a firm stance. "Either do this, or you're welcome to leave. Dogs are not allowed. We'll see you back here once precious is settled."

I agree, OP shouldn't go to any trouble, just a phone number to show that she means business. Otherwise, the RO could say "Okay, I'll look into it. Let us get settled first. I don't know the area., etc." and then the point-of-impact (first contact) would have been lost.


I sincerely hope that none of these scenarios occur, that would just put a damper on the joyous occasion. After all supposed RO has been informed THREE times that no dogs are allowed. (Initial invite and follow-up text sent by OP along with a conversation with Venu owners).

If a RO shows up with dog in tow, I would consider them a Royal PIA Queen/King of the Rude Ones (RPIAQ/KROs how's that for an acronym? LOL!) and (I'm saying this for the first time ever on this board) I would reconsider my relationship with them.



OP -- After three notices, do you still think that anybody would show up with a dog?

Quite possibly, yes.  After all, their dog is "special" and ordinary rules don't apply......

The poor child!  The hostess says that she actually "did not want to make her feel at home"??!!

Sis was in the wrong, I have no argument with that.  But with the rest....just because you know her parents doesn't mean that she has cookie parties at home with them.  She was quite possibly looking forward to this experience.

I can tell you that in my area of Canada if would be considered intrusive.  Registration is easy and can be done on Election Day.

Even though this is a sad occasion, I view “in lieu of flowers” much like I would view the wedding registry, baby shower registry, birthday/Christmas wish list. It’s saying “I would PREFER a donation to xyz, but of course, you get to decide ultimately what to give”. My mom was a minister and did thousands of funerals in her lifetime. Most people that wrote “in lieu of flowers”, meant “here’s a second option, in case you want something more long lasting than the flowers that will die in less than a week”. Of course, if I was very very close to someone and knew the request actually meant “don’t send flowers. We don’t want them and have nothing to do with them”, I wouldn’t give flowers.

But that's just it - if you don't know them well, you don't know whether the request means "please, no flowers".  Around here the phrase generally does mean that, and I don't understand why someone wouldn't err on the side of caution.  I don't think that I've ever sent a charitable donation (I don't do flowers) without reading the obituary first - they're not hard to find even without a newspaper.  I wouldn't want to guess for an appropriate charity.

I still got a couple of arrangement when my Dh passed away, and while I didn't consider it to be "rude" it was definitely extra work for me; the vast majority of people sent the suggested charitable donation.

If I was in your shoes, I would replace the gift. Many have pointed out in hindsight ways that you could have double checked this one. It stinks and it was just a misunderstanding, but I would want to correct the problem.

While I did not wrap my nephew's gift in a puzzle, I did include a chocolate bar with an envelope (containing the gift card.) He texted me thanking me for the gift, laughing about the candy (as it was celebrating a rival sports team.) I made sure to ask, "Did you also find the envelope?" These things do get overlooked sometimes.

In our family, all discarded wrapping and boxes are placed into a trash bag separate from the regular garbage and kept for at least a week. It typically misses one of the weekly collection days, but being that it contains non-perishables it does not stink. Plus, this provides the opportunity to route back through it if Barbie is missing a shoe or if a gift card is misplaced. It has been a handy trick on a few occasions.

Keeping the Christmas trash for a week is a great idea.  It's very easy for things to go astray when everyone is in a hurry to tidy before dinner, for example.

I just don’t get why the parents didn’t say something to me. Even if they were too embarrassed at the situation, why not have one of the other adults they told have a go “you know auntie rexall, you ended up giving nephew an empty box”. Problem solved. It’s not like the didn’t talk to all the other adults about the situation. The only ones in the dark were the gift givers. It’s yucky. Be sure though,ifca gift card is ever given again it will be handed to him unwrapped like his parents handed out. Can’t blame me for that if it gets lost lol

I'd say - it's likely because they were flabbergasted at the time and didn't know what to say.  And kudos to your nephew for being so mature about it.  You can't very well praise him for his politeness while at the same time wondering why he said nothing.  For a "trick" present like this, I wouldn't even expect an adult to detect a gift card taped inside a box like this, let alone a child especially in the midst of a busy Christmas.

This is on you and you do need to make it right for the child.

I'm not Catholic but I agree with PPs that it's probably best to consult with the individual priest.

My son is getting married in the Catholic church, and a few months after the date was set the church received notification that it was approved for seismic upgrading during that time and will have to be temporarily closed.  (If a building wants to postpone the upgrading they get sent back to the bottom of the list so that wasn't an option).  Her priest called every Catholic church in the diocese and most said "no can do, this isn't her regular church".  One finally agreed, saying "there are rules, but there's also doing the right thing".  After all, it's not as though she was searching for an alternate church because the décor was nicer, for example.

Her "home" priest will perform the ceremony, I'm not sure what (if any) role the other priest will have.