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Messages - Jem

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1
Life in General / Re: Ordering drinks before full party arrives at the restuarant
« on: January 18, 2023, 10:28:47 am »
Quote from: Hmmm on January 18, 2023, 09:43:21 am
Quote from: Jem on January 17, 2023, 11:30:51 am
The people who would be rude would be the members of the party who were not on time. Ordering beverages is appropriate and expected in my experience, and I find the latecomers to be in the wrong as rude to both their party and the server and restaurant.

Jem, what is your opinion if the other party isn't late?

For instance, DH and I met his mom and sister for brunch. We planned to do an errand on the way but weather was bad so we blew it off and arrived 15 minutes prior to the reservation time. They went ahead and seated us since our table was available. He and I ordered coffee while we were waiting. SIL & MIL arrived on time.

A couple of weeks ago I was meeting friends for an early dinner. They live further from the restaurant and being concerned about rush hour traffic, arrived probably 10 minutes early (I know because they texted they had arrived and were seated). They had cocktails when I arrived. I wasn't bothered and wouldn't have expected them to wait on me.

I still think that if the restaurant seats you it is appropriate and expected to order a beverage.

2
Life in General / Re: Ordering drinks before full party arrives at the restuarant
« on: January 17, 2023, 11:30:51 am »
The people who would be rude would be the members of the party who were not on time. Ordering beverages is appropriate and expected in my experience, and I find the latecomers to be in the wrong as rude to both their party and the server and restaurant.

3
Life in General / Re: Weird Tipping Situation
« on: January 06, 2023, 07:48:33 am »
It seems like the club was treating your group as four separate tables (each under 10 people) so I find it odd that they put the gratuity on in the first place! I think you handled it well to just count it as a kind holiday gesture to overtip and that is probably what I would have done also, but I don't like it when "gratuity" is automatic but that is not made clear to people. The server had to have known that he was being double tipped and it kinda rubs me the wrong way that he would take advantage of that.

I am glad you fun at the show! It's been a while but I used to enjoy comedy clubs!

4
Life in General / Re: Would This Be Weird? Well, yeah, it would, but...
« on: January 03, 2023, 07:44:37 pm »
I am so sorry this happened to you! I recommend that you do absolutely nothing.

5
Life in General / Re: Gift Ideas for Piano Teacher
« on: December 08, 2022, 09:58:27 am »
Thank you! I will post the link in the VIP area. I hope you enjoy it!

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Life in General / Re: Gift Ideas for Piano Teacher
« on: December 07, 2022, 09:31:20 am »
I thought I would update - my performance was Sunday and it was a fabulous event! I was very nervous so it wasn't my best performance but my friends and family loved it (there were 60+ people in attendance and it was recorded for those who could not attend in person). They gave me a standing ovation that lasted almost a full minute!

I ended up making a card for my teacher and writing specific ways he helped me and that I appreciated. I also gave him a separate card with $100 cash and said I didn't know what he would most appreciate but to get himself something he would enjoy. He was very thankful for the note and money but when we talked I said something like "I was going to get you a nice bottle of wine but I didn't know if you like wine" and he said "of course I like wine!" so I know what to get him for Christmas!

Thanks for the helpful suggestions!

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Life in General / Re: Gift Ideas for Piano Teacher
« on: November 24, 2022, 12:38:49 pm »
Thanks so much for all the suggestions! I think I will get him a nice card and write about how much he has helped me. Thank you!

8
Life in General / Gift Ideas for Piano Teacher
« on: November 22, 2022, 04:58:07 pm »
I have a milestone piano performance coming up (Rhapsody in Blue piano solo) and I want to give my piano teacher a nice card and gift to thank him for all of the work he has done with me to get the piece performance ready. I was initially thinking a nice bottle of wine but I don't know if he drinks. I was then thinking an holiday ornament that is piano related, but I imagine he gets tons of these from his younger students. I don't want to simply give cash, but I am not coming up with a better option.

Any suggestions are appreciated! A fruit basket? Fancy chocolate? Thanks in advance for any ideas!

9
The Work Day / Re: How early is on time?
« on: October 18, 2022, 01:03:17 pm »
Quote from: BeagleMommy on October 18, 2022, 12:56:44 pm
I usually sign in to virtual meetings 2-3 minutes ahead of schedule in case I have to adjust my camera or "unmute" myself.  My boss will usually wait 5 minutes past the start time for anyone late signing in then she starts without them.

Your colleagues were rude.

I agree the colleagues were rude, but I think your boss is rude to waste five minutes of everyone's time.

10
The Work Day / Re: How early is on time?
« on: October 11, 2022, 09:49:34 am »
I think meetings should start exactly when they are scheduled to start. I think it is completely appropriate to arrive at a meeting location a few minutes early (including logging into Zoom) and engaging in chit chat until the meeting time. I think it is not okay to start before the scheduled time or to "wait for people to arrive" after the scheduled time. To be equally respectful to everyone, meetings should start exactly when they are scheduled to start.

Among my biggest pet peeves is waiting for people who are not respectful of my time. On some level, it would be interesting to schedule meetings for 9:03 (or some "off number") and see if people take specific times like that more seriously.

11
The Work Day / Re: Need work advice regarding customers who only speak Spanish
« on: September 04, 2022, 07:31:34 pm »
Are you in the US? I would hope that anyone living or visiting here would grasp that English is the main language in the USA and understand when a person is not able to understand a foreign language. This sounds like a management issue, but if it keeps happening maybe management should make a written FAQ in whatever languages are most frequent. It is not reasonable to expect a general employee to be fluent in more than their native language. That is a specialized skill (or something expected of someone living in a country that speaks a language other than their native language).

12
Weddings / Re: RSVPs and No-Shows . . . thoughts?
« on: September 02, 2022, 08:43:15 am »
I went to a wedding once where the ceremony was at 4:30 followed by cocktail hour and then (presumably) dinner and dancing. Except the cocktail hour went until 6:00 and then they started announcing the wedding party (pretty normal in my experience) and then they did all sorts of dances and speeches and pretty soon it was 8:00 (unusual in my experience). A little after 8:00 salads appeared at our tables (yes - finally!) but then more dancing and speeches. We left at about 9:35 and there was no indication that dinner was imminent. My coworker (it was her daughter getting married) was irritated that we didn’t stay but we were starving and had to get up early the next day. I wonder if she thought that was a “no show” for dinner?

13
The Work Day / Re: Your Program Wasn't For Me, So... I Didn't Actually Complete It
« on: August 01, 2022, 09:26:07 am »
I think I would contact the director and explain what you did here and essentially pay to "audit" the program. Explain that you find the information provided to be helpful and important but that you don't need the certificate and are not able to devote the time to completing the assignments but that you nevertheless want to continue learning what you can from what she is providing (and that you are paying for it).

14
Life in General / Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
« on: July 27, 2022, 01:11:55 pm »
Quote from: lowspark on July 27, 2022, 11:43:22 am
Quote from: Xainte on July 25, 2022, 01:49:31 pm
I care about them and don't want to write them off.  Other mutual friends say to keep inviting them, don't give up on them but I get the impression they can do things when they want to or need to so the flaking is starting to wear at me. 

What does everyone think?  How much do you tolerate?

Invite them to things where it doesn't matter if they show or not. Don't schedule lunch out with just them. But maybe invite them to a gathering where their presence doesn't make or break the event.

When you and your friends are going the route of continuing to invite them, is it for their sake, i.e., wanting to include them as a way of helping them to remain active socially? Or for you sake, because you really like and want to see them?

If it's for your sake, then only you can decide when the reward is no longer worth the risk, so to speak.

If it's for theirs then remember what they tell us on airplanes, put your mask on first before you help others. In other words, taking care of yourself necessarily comes first.

This is good advice. I would add that I wouldn't say anything that would lead the "flaky" person to believe that their behavior is okay. So nothing like, "that's okay," or "no problem." I would tell them directly that their behavior bothers and upsets me.

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Life in General / Re: Discussion on FB making "flakiness" ok?
« on: July 25, 2022, 02:21:52 pm »
I think anxiety is an explanation for behavior but not an excuse, meaning anxiety or [insert reason] might explain poor behavior but does not excuse it. I personally would not make plans that depended on someone I cannot trust to follow through on what they said they would do. And if a person won’t commit I won’t make plans with that person.

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