Bad Manners and Brimstone

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But my question was more "what would you have done?"

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I think I might have been so surprised at her aggressive behavior that I might have done nothing at the time (just like you).

If I had had my wits about me and didn't want to share, I might have spoken up when she first announced that she was going to share your food. I might have said in a pleasant voice, "No, I don't feel like sharing my food today."

This is a story from at least fifteen years ago, if not longer.

One day I was grocery shopping and came upon what I thought was a poor soul who was carrying on a conversation with herself. She was talking up a storm, all by herself in the canned good aisle. I was feeling sorry for her, thinking she was delusional or something like that.

I turned at the end of the aisle, though, glanced back, and saw that she had a white rectangular-shaped "thing" hanging out of one ear.

Before that day I had never seen a hands-free cell-phone device like that. Guess she was really carrying on a conversation with a real person after all.

I've received a "save-the-date" announcement about a "black tie" wedding in my extended family coming up next July.

I was chatting with "George," an early-30s aged member of my extended family, after Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. He and his wife, too, have received the save-the-date announcement.

George told me he is annoyed about the "black tie" requirement for guests. He was saying that he feels that while the bride-to-be deserves to have whatever wedding she wants, he thinks that should not include telling her male guests that they have to go rent or buy a tuxedo just for one night. He said he is very tempted to just buy a nice black business suit and attend the wedding wearing a new black suit and bowtie. That way he can at least wear the black suit to work in his office sometimes as opposed to buying or renting a tuxedo he'd rarely ever use again.

I did not suggest to George what I thought he should do.

I told George that I could see his point of view. (I, too, am put off by the notion that the bride-to-be and her mother are presuming to tell me as a guest how to dress for a wedding.)

On the other hand, based upon past experiences, I predicted to George that the bride's mother might indeed be very upset with George if he attends in a black business suit instead of a tuxedo.

I told George that, for myself, if I decide to attend that wedding, I will send in my RSVP card promptly and I will reluctantly rent a tuxedo (even though I have a particularly handsome dark navy blue suit already in my closet that I'd rather wear).

What would you have told George if he had spoken to you?

I agree with Rose Red and TootsNYC that the employee was likely concerned about your safety. (I discussed this briefly with my wife just now, and that's what she thinks, too.)

That's actually why I do grocery pickup instead of delivery.  I was told Walmart pickup employees aren't allowed to take tips, but if you do delivery that you're expected to tip. On a $200 order that adds a LOT to the cost, more than is worth the convenience of me staying home.

Snappy,  is this a small chain or a major one? I hope I haven't been stiffing people who work for (or expect) tips when I do my pickups.

Bada,

My event happened at a regional chain that is big in just one part of the US.

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My wife uses the pickup service at Walmart sometimes. She was told by an employee that they are forbidden from accepting tips upon threat of being fired. That employee told my wife there were cameras focused on the pickup area of the parking lot, and there was a manager who sometimes watched to see if she could catch employees taking tips.

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I don't know if I am tipping too much or just right. Honestly, during the first year of the pandemic, I didn't tip. Then I started feeling guilty, like maybe I should tip. That's when my wife told me she tipped when she picked up groceries at stores other than Walmart.

I usually tip the lone employee who delivers groceries to my car for the parking lot grocery pick-up service US$5.

Yesterday two employees came out together instead of the usual one employee. All I had in my wallet was a lone $5 bill and a few $20 bills.

I thanked both boys and apologized, saying "This is for you two, but I only have the one bill. Could you please split it between you?" I gave the $5 bill to the closest boy.

They looked at each other, smiled, shrugged their shoulders, and both replied, "Thank you."

What do other people do in such a situation?

[By the way, it was a relatively small order. Usually just one employee would have come out with it.]

We have a summer intern named "Ralph," split between two legal department sections so that he can get a wide variety of experience. Ralph is the most reserved person anyone's ever worked with. He runs away from any kind of vaguely-social or networking opportunity, and unfortunately on top of that his work is also not great. It's not horrible, but it's not great either, and we had to show him some "remedial" things, like how to create a basic table within a Word document.

My department invited him to our monthly Friday lunch so he could get to know us better, and the date, time, and location was sent to him two weeks ago. When we went to tell him the new restaurant location in person (since apparently our old choice closed permanently last week!) Ralph said that he had a massive task from the other department with a tight deadline and couldn't make it. Of course, during that conversation he looked nothing short of relieved and happy, and apparently this is not the first time he's done this.  He does it to the other section and to every single person who's invited him to anything, saying that he'd "love to be there" and then pulling some urgent work reason he can't at the last minute.

I don't think Ralph's made many connections at our company who he could ask for a letter of recommendation, both because of his work and because he essentially acts like he doesn't want to deal with anyone. His work has been critiqued and corrected and people have been honest with him about that, but I don't think anyone's said anything to him about the importance of personal connections in our business. Is that something one should even say to an intern? I realize that if we wanted to "force" him we could say "Events like these are important for team-building purposes, in the future please let me know sooner so we can coordinate with the other section and make sure you can attend." I don't know if there's any point to doing that, or if it's just one of those things you should let go because (for instance) it had occurred to me that he might be neurodivergent, since I am and no one would know if I didn't tell people.

Victoria,

Several decades ago, I worked with college interns on the college side of things (as opposed to the employer side of things).

My ideas might be very out of date and might not apply to your intern's educational setting.

My own opinion is that it might be a great kindness to Ralph for one of his work supervisors to gently point out the importance of what you think he may be missing out on. (Years ago, that sort of learning about interpersonal skills was an important part of an internship, at least where I worked.)

Is Ralph earning academic credit for his internship? He might have a faculty sponsor and/or an internship coordinator at his university. Depending upon the personalities of those people (and depending upon how much things have changed over the years), they might agree with you and might be willing to  talk with Ralph directly about the interpersonal learning that can go along with an internship.