Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - Celestia

Pages: [1] 2 3 4
1
Weddings / No sinning in Sin City
« on: April 21, 2019, 10:43:07 pm »
I have so little to share but this needs sharing.
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/bachelorette-party-guest-shamed-email-demands-viral-180025453.html

TL;DR, wedding guest insists on being invited to bachelorette party in Vegas and demands there be no hard liquour, no sex, no drugs (including a guest's ADD medication) and that they all go to church together. The details are....amazing.

I have no question here. Other than what possesses a person to think that she's going to have any fun with a group she thinks she has to tell all these things to? And another data point for never letting people come along when they demand.

2
Technoquette / Re: "Too Intrusive" or Something Else?
« on: March 24, 2019, 10:14:33 am »
As a counterpoint, I ALWAYS prefer to have difficult conversations by text/IM/email. (I'm 29) I'm fine with chatting in person on nice things but I get emotional extremely easily, and it's so much easier to have a productive conversation when I can fall apart and cry without being seen, and take the time to delete the first, heated words out of my mouth. There are serious advantages to text over speech and a large percentage of my generation deals with issues like anxiety and depression that make those advantages even better.

All that said, it's not RUDE to just call people, but I definitely prefer the convention of messaging first. Otherwise you'll get a few minutes of silence while I rush around getting a glass of water and my headset and preparing to talk for a while.

3
Life in General / Re: How To Dictate The Dress Code
« on: February 21, 2019, 02:30:06 pm »
Quote from: DaDancingPsych on February 21, 2019, 08:24:16 am
Her clothes were certainly clean and cared for and she indicated no discomfort, so in the scheme of things it was no big thing. But I just want to be a better host in the future ensure the comfort of anyone that I spend time with. I will never know if my outfit secretly made her uncomfortable, which I would be disappointed to learn! But as OnyxBird pointed out, I was given no indication that she was uncomfortable.

Yeah, speaking as a person who would (intentionally, consciously) be dressed on the low end, I think you're overthinking this a little! You don't have a responsibility as the host of a one-on-one outing to manage the outfit of your guest. She was either comfortable, or she'll dress up more next time now that she knows what you tend to wear out. But either way, the ball's in her court and you did nothing wrong as a host! I don't think there's anything a friend could say to me that would make this a more comfortable situation rather than less.

Now again, if YOU weren't comfortable and you want to be explicit about dressing the same, that's fine! I think these things are always better out in the open so no one has to guess :) But it feels like you're taking on her imagined discomfort which may or may not even exist.

4
Life in General / Re: How To Dictate The Dress Code
« on: February 20, 2019, 09:29:15 am »
Huh, maybe I need to chalk my experience up to having a lot of male friends ^^; I've never had those kinds of conversations. The ladies I hang out with also hang out with guys a lot and we all tend to be less fashionable. My friend who did used to wear dresses and skirts a lot just did it because it was her style and it would have been very weird for her to ask us to dress up with her.

5
Life in General / Re: How To Dictate The Dress Code
« on: February 19, 2019, 09:26:55 pm »
From just reading the OP, you both sound like you were fine. In the areas I've been in, it's no longer a mandatory thing to dress up for the theater, and I don't go to bars on the regular but have only dressed beyond jeans for very upscale restaurants (in the $40-50/plate range). As you said, athletic gear is ok in the bar, so it wouldn't be like she was terribly sticking out. This wasn't dirty pajamas with holes in them....it sounds like it was fine, and she doesn't sound like she was bothered.

I should add, I'm a casual dresser. Mostly it's comfort - I have trouble finding fancy-looking things that feel as neutral as more casual items, so if it's going to be a long day, I'll dress down. Especially with travel involved - I might wear fancier shoes and an outfit to match them if I'm getting out of a cab and right at the theater, but if it's drinks first and a mile walk I am wearing sneakers and adjusting the rest of my outfit to match. I have no problem being around people wearing dresses when I'm in jeans as long as no one's judging me for it.

If it bothers YOU to go out with a companion who isn't dressed at the same level, that's ok! But that's a little unusual in my experience so it'd be worth making explicit. "Do you want to dress up tonight for the show? I don't want to put the effort in if I'm gonna be the only one, but I've got some cute stuff you could borrow if you wanted!"

6
Life in General / Re: Tell me about Anime
« on: January 21, 2019, 10:01:40 am »
I guess it depends on the venue, but any place worth its salt should be fine. I've never been to a con that ran out of toilet paper. Most cons are held at venues that are used to the crowds.

7
Life in General / Re: Tell me about Anime
« on: January 20, 2019, 09:57:48 am »
Totally innocent! (Some people may be in skimpier costumes than others, but that's about it.) There's no need for you to dress up, it's totally normal to attend a convention in street clothes, especially if you're accompanying a fan. Expect lots of people, noise, and crowds, so be prepared to retreat to a hallway or outside if that's something that will affect you badly. There will be LOTS to buy, so this may be a good opportunity to teach budgeting! I tend to get out a certain amount of cash for the convention and tell myself that's all I'm allowed to spend. It helps me avoid buying things immediately, since I'll want to get a good look around and see everything before I decide what to spend my money on.

8
Life in General / Re: Who Orders First
« on: January 16, 2019, 02:31:07 pm »
Quote from: Victoria on January 15, 2019, 11:03:37 am

I hate that as well, but I was suggesting that the person in front merely prop the door open so the other person can grab the handle, not that the door holder pause. That's what I do when I'm in a hurry-I catch the door with my foot or hand and don't let it close in your face but I don't pause.

Yeah, I'm imagining how we did it in school if the class was lined up to go somewhere. The person in the doorway presses their hand against the door and keeps it open until they feel the person behind them take it, then continues on. The door never closes until the last person is through, but no one's going ahead of anyone else. That's the most typical way I see doors held open.

9
Life in General / Re: Who Orders First
« on: January 12, 2019, 11:22:27 am »
Letting someone in before you means....letting them in before you. If he wanted to keep his place in line, there are ways to hold a door open without stepping back. It would never occur to me in either situation to change the line order once we got in. It's gonna be a difference of what, a few minutes? Especially once he declined the offer, that's the end. (I'm born and raised New England if that makes a difference)

10
Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: How should one respond if someone requests a change to a recipe? Bad Update, post 34
« on: January 12, 2019, 11:19:52 am »
Quote from: Mary Sunshine Rain on January 11, 2019, 04:33:03 pm
I still don't really understand why you are having to provide all of this for someone's birthday party.  It's as if you are a caterer instead of a guest.
 
I would just make the two pies you have and if you feel like it, maybe make some Jello-shots on the side.

But, what happens if you "tell the birthday girl?"  Does she rescind your invitation?  Does she demand that you go out and buy 2 regular pies to make up for it?
 
Maybe I'm missing something, but I just don't get putting yourself out for someone to this extent.   And if you were going to make 4 pies to begin with, why would her request for non-citrus matter?  You could have just made one without citrus and she could have had a piece of that pie.  Does she need to eat from each pie?

What am I missing here?

She's already explained that four pies in similar flavors makes the most sense given the quantities she can buy the ingredients in. She's making them because she likes her friend and enjoys making them as a gift.

11
Holidays / Re: Young adult spending Christmas with friends rather than family?
« on: January 04, 2019, 02:59:27 pm »
I also think a nuance that's missing in this discussion is the midpoint between "Do what Dad wants me to do because I care about his desires" and "Do what I want to do because I don't care about his desires."  I've been assuming that John never actually told Jessica how important Family Christmas was to him (because that's the kind of thing that's extremely easy to just not realize is different in someone else's head).

But it's also completely possible to think about her father as a fellow adult, consider all the factors including his wishes, and still come to the decision to do her own thing. Going to the beach does not in itself mean Jessica never considered her family. Making a different decision than a fellow adult would make does not make her less of an adult.

12
Holidays / Re: Young adult spending Christmas with friends rather than family?
« on: January 03, 2019, 10:30:31 pm »
Quote from: Hmmm on January 03, 2019, 11:11:22 am
How do adult offspring demonstrate appreciation? They call and say "hey, I'll be near your favorite coffee place today, want me to stop by and pick up some beans?" or they empty and reload the dishwasher because they see it needs to be done, or they communicate their plans so that you are not up worrying about why they aren't home at their normal time, or they notice your car hasn't been washed in a month and take it through a drive through car wash. Or if they are in university, put at least minimal effort in to their classwork.

How do adult offspring not show appreciation? They treat your home like a hotel, they don't communicate their plans so you never know if they'll be home for dinner or not, or they cancel out on plans with the family last minute.  Or if they are at University, they treat the experience as one long party till they get kicked out.

Basically, they treat their parents with the same respect and kindness they would demonstrate to their friends or SO's.

So...Jessica showed her parents perfectly reasonable appreciation. (Not to argue anything you said, just to jump off your quote :) ) She gave them (I'm assuming) adequate notice of what her plans were rather than running off or letting them worry. She hasn't failed to show them respect or kindness (that we've been told), and she hasn't proclaimed that she loves her family any less. She's had an entire life where Christmas With Family has been a given, and she doesn't value it the same way her father does. I can see why John was hurt about that, but it's not something that's within his control. Christmas doesn't mean the same thing to everyone.

13
Life in General / Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
« on: January 02, 2019, 03:34:49 pm »
I do think these things are best solved out of character, for what it's worth. I've seen things get sticky when players argue "in-character" about things that are actually part of the real-life dynamic and nobody's sure who's actually mad and who's roleplaying. But that's very true, you can ask Bob if this is a permanent feature of his character or if it's something he sees changing in time. If it's the latter, he may even appreciate your character getting annoyed with his and giving him a reason to change. I'd just be really wary of having characters who don't like each other without the players first chatting to ensure it's all in good fun.

14
Holidays / Re: Young adult spending Christmas with friends rather than family?
« on: January 02, 2019, 03:29:41 pm »
Admittedly, after this conversation I'd be very curious if John's opinion would change at all if/when Jessica IS financially independent. This isn't gonna be the only year in their lives that something else will come up. My impression was that John's objection was completely because he wants his nuclear family together, and he'd be just as upset if Jessica had to travel for it and decided not to. OP, any chance of posing that hypothetical?

15
Life in General / Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
« on: January 02, 2019, 10:53:13 am »
(If you want some more RPG-specific advice, this kind of thing comes up ALL THE TIME on the RPG.Net forums. You are not alone!)

Generally, Tina would be the one in charge of wrangling people, but if you're not comfortable talking to her directly you can absolutely talk to Jim. Jim is also a player, and he may be having the same problems you are with Bob's character. Talk it out, bring it to Tina, and then someone needs to tell Bob point-blank that he's making the game un-fun for everyone else. This can be a private discussion or a whole-table thing.

Ultimately, it may come down to this particular group of individuals not gelling, which is totally okay! But if people aren't having fun playing together, someone may want to/have to go. Before quitting, I'd make sure Tina and/or Jim know that's the point you're getting to, so they and the group can decide whether they'd rather keep you or Bob.

Pages: [1] 2 3 4