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Messages - Amanita

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1
Life in General / Re: Tell me about Anime
« on: January 26, 2019, 12:41:52 am »
Seconding what everyone else has said, I hope you guys have a great time!
At my local con, roughly 54% of the attendees cosplayed- showing up in street clothes is totally acceptable.
One thing to consider- many of these events have costume contests. If this one does, and your daughter is interested in participating, be sure to check the rules ahead of time. Some costume contests have separate categories for purchased costumes, others don't allow them in at all, since they're judging on craftsmanship.







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Life in General / Re: so ...who was the rude one?
« on: December 18, 2018, 01:59:29 am »
In that situation I'd be miffed too! My current job allows me to leave the site to go for food, but generally I try not to dawdle or abuse that perk. (I'm working in security) I'd be annoyed if I was picking up take-out for work, and somebody's chat was holding me up, so I couldn't pay, take my stuff, and get back to work.

On the other side of things, I've had lots of friendly chats with security and staff at a few office towers I like. However, when I see somebody else coming up to the desk, I immediately step off to the side and let my chat partner take care of them. We resume chatting once the tenant/visitor/tourist asking for directions has been sorted out.

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Life in General / Re: Dear Abby: The entitled friend
« on: December 13, 2018, 11:54:05 pm »
I can relate to the letter writer's mom in the OP- I'm working, but my job doesn't pay a large amount of money. My friend makes more than I do, and he doesn't always seem to grasp that I can't always afford as much as he can, or at least that an activity which costs a certain amount (Say $50) is a bigger chunk out of my budget than his. That said, I don't insist he pay for everything we do together. Sometimes I'm the one with more money when I'm with other friends, so we either do things they can afford, or if I can, I might treat them to something.

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Life in General / Re: Possible rudeness on the aeroplane (headphones and reclining)
« on: October 13, 2018, 01:16:40 am »
I think the first lady was definitely rude, she should have been wearing her headphones instead of whatever she was trying to do, leaving them hanging around her neck.

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Life in General / Re: Refusing a gift on behalf of your children
« on: October 04, 2018, 02:21:15 am »
I know that as a child I hated being made to wear dresses, and probably would have bitten anyone who tried to make me wear a bonnet. And yes, that post about holiday dinners has me wondering too- will something be a horror simply because it's done differently than how Uncle Rupert would have done it? Or is he expecting the other members of his family to royally screw everything up?

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Family and Children / Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangements
« on: October 04, 2018, 02:18:18 am »
Quote from: daen on September 26, 2018, 10:01:35 pm


I have a blog post/sermon/rant building up about the ridiculous number of expectations mainstream North American society has about Christmas - decorations, traditions, gifts, concerts, cards, food, gatherings, familial love, peace on earth, and moments of magic - and almost all of it is the responsibility of women, and men get a pass. And since these expectations are mostly unattainable, you're generally left with letdown feelings and cleanup. I love Christmas, but the seasonal expectations are spoiling it for me this year, and it's not even October yet...

I would read the hell out of that rant!

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Life in General / Re: Whoa!
« on: September 11, 2018, 11:48:18 pm »
I don't mind compliments or curiosity when I'm out and about in my more striking outfits. I do mind rudeness, which is fortunately very rare. But I'd mind just as much if somebody made fun of my weight or body size, or some other thing besides my clothes.
I've seen other people in striking clothes, and have held off on compliments, because they were of a different culture than my own (they were wearing ethnic dress) and I wasn't sure how compliments would be perceived- in some other cultures complimenting somebody on their outfit might be considered too personal for a stranger to do. I didn't want to cause offense, so I said nothing.
And I remember some idiot on a cosplay forum, who joined up just to suggest that anyone wearing clothes he disapproved of deserved to be assaulted for attracting attention to themselves. He hated not only cosplayers, but goths and emos too, going on a rant about how even a walk out with his girlfriend was often spoiled by seeing them simply existing in public. I let him have it. Among other things, I told him that if simply seeing a goth or emo ruined a walk out with his girlfriend, then he was WAY too emotionally invested in the clothing choices of strangers. Like Irked Purist said, he needed to learn that other people's clothing had nothing to do with him, and that his opinions of said clothing were not those people's problem.

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Life in General / Re: Whoa!
« on: September 10, 2018, 05:29:25 pm »
"I'm sure we all agree that commenting on something startling about a person's appearance over which they have no control is rude. But when they have chosen to make themselves look unusual, that's another matter."

"If someone doesn’t want any startled comments like that, she shouldn’t have the unusual appearance."

 These were the comments I was referring to, that rubbed me the wrong way. As for suggestions that people who look different want to shock people, or do it for attention, I' respectfully disagree. I don't embrace normcore fashion, I've got some pretty striking wardrobe pieces that I've either made or bought. I wear them because I like them and feel good in them, not because I want attention or am trying to shock people. Same with the other people I know who wear things outside the normcore standard.

PS- Normcore isn't an insult, like calling somebody a "mundane" or a "normie". It refers to a style of clothing that goes out of its way to be bland and nondescript.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Normcore

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Life in General / Re: Whoa!
« on: September 10, 2018, 02:25:46 am »
I don't think the woman in the OP was rude. I think she was a bit surprised, is all.

That said, I'm going to be a voice of dissent here, a little bit. A few people here seem to be treading awfully close to suggesting that anyone who looks unusual has no right to complain if people are rude to them.
I disagree for a few reasons.

First, no matter how unusual somebody else looks, I still think it's rude to come up to them and say mean things. You don't have to like it, but you don't have to make unsolicited remarks either, and having a working brain to mouth filter is a good thing. I don't particularly like pajamas worn as street clothing, or "whale tail"- visible thongs sticking out of low rise pants. But I don't go around saying rude things to people in those outfits, because I'm a better person than that.  (A better person than somebody who hurls insults, not a better person than somebody who dresses a certain way)
From a personal safety perspective, keeping negative comments about the style choices of others to yourself is a good thing- you don't know how the other person is going to react when insulted by a stranger for no good reason.

Also, it's not just cosplayers/goths/people with dyed hair and tattoos who get these kinds of comments, picked on for being different. I've heard of people whose only real difference was having exceptionally long hair, or hair of an unusual (but completely natural color), and they got dumped on too. Also, people in religious dress, ethnic clothing/hairstyles, or visibly pregnant. If you're going to justify verbal abuse against cosplayers/people in unusual clothing/dyed hair and tattoos on grounds that "they chose to look like that", the other examples are personal choice too- people choose to grow their hair out, get or stay pregnant, or to wear religious or cultural dress. So where do you draw the line of who has no right to complain when somebody insults them? And even if you get rid of the "extreme" looks, remove the extreme people from public view, whatever used to be considered a step or two down from that becomes the new extreme, and it starts all over again.

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Life in General / Re: S/O of social script - when someone won't take the hint
« on: September 05, 2018, 06:37:07 pm »
Quote from: Waterlight on September 05, 2018, 03:21:25 am
Quote from: Lexophile on September 04, 2018, 03:43:42 pm
Don't ever excuse someone else's bad behavior by calling yourself grumpy or oversensitive. You deserve better than that!

And there are way too many people with ill intent who call ANYONE who sets reasonable boundaries "oversensitive."

So true! My problematic friend does this. Says something rude or otherwise inappropriate, and when I set a limit, I get called moody, too sensitive, or high strung.

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Life in General / Re: Being the Square
« on: August 27, 2018, 01:43:06 am »
Sounds like your dad and sibling either have little respect for you, or don't care about the consequences of their behavior, at least not how their behavior affects you. That just sucks :(

Good for you for standing up for yourself and not giving in to them. I wouldn't call you a square, I'd call your relatives a pair of boors. They had the option to buy their own drink package, and probably could have bought one while on the cruise if they wanted soda so badly, or at least paid for individual drinks. Instead they chose to try to mooch off of you, even after being told that if found out, there could be consequences.


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Life in General / Re: "Just making a suggestion"
« on: August 03, 2018, 05:15:47 pm »
Quote from: Raintree on August 02, 2018, 02:49:39 am
OP, it will get better. I was in the same boat. Worked a crap job I hated for 15 years, because I didn't feel I qualified for anything else, and the pay was not too bad for what it was, so I didn't think I could get anything else that would pay the bills. Went back to school, but didn't have the science background I needed to do the courses I wanted. Had to do a bunch of high school equivalency type courses, not because I had been a dropout, but because I took the wrong electives in high school (frankly, it's my belief that all high school students should be made to do basic sciences and not some dumbed-down version for students who don't want to go on in academia, because a firm grasp of math opens doors, and never closes them, even if a person later opts not to use it). I worked my way through those pre-requisite courses and I was a mature student. Graduated at age 40 with a degree in something I wanted to do, but had so much debt, plus work in the field doesn't pay off immediately. It's a process, which I guess I didn't understand fully before I took it all on. So I lived with my parents for 5 years after graduating. That was the most depressing 5 years ever. 40 years old and having to rely on my parents for support. And no, even living with a roommate wouldn't have cut it because I didn't even have money for half the rent. I also cannot fathom roommates at my age, and also, no, in 2018 living without the internet is not a viable option.

The good news is I'm finally doing ok, living on my own now and making a reasonable living doing work I enjoy. You're working at it and you will get there. But don't put up with any crap from this "friend."

I'm hoping I'll be doing better soon- It looks like the first security company I worked for has hired me back. That will be some income at least. The program I spent the last year in- Academic and Career Connections sounds like what you did- For various reasons, students don't always take various electives in high school. Sometimes they don't pass the first time through, or they make career choices later in life which require courses they didn't know they needed back in high school. I had a lot of people in my class who wanted to do nursing, and were coming back to get credits for math, chemistry, and biology. Others were making up for academic english credits that they needed.
I couldn't have done the courses I did without internet at home- physics was done entirely online, and math had us doing all our homework online too. I could never have done it at some cafe where you have to keep making purchases to access their internet, a library where you have to sign up for time slots, or running around town looking for wi-fi hotspots. My next math class is going to be all online too, it looks like. I don't know about Power Engineering next year, but I wouldn't be surprised if that class uses some amount of online learning too. The profession itself is getting more and more integrated with online tools, after all. (tools that interface directly with a building's mechanical systems, and can be interacted with via tablet or smartphone for example- see here- https://cortexintel.com/ )


If my friend gives me grief for say- going to lightsaber practice instead of hanging out, I might ask "Why not come to practice with me? I've got loaner sabers (or the club does)" After all, who says he's the only one who gets to pick activities or make suggestions?

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Life in General / Re: "Just making a suggestion"
« on: August 02, 2018, 01:35:35 am »
I've said before that moving out is a long term goal, one that will have to wait until I'm done with school. (Not much point in doing it now when I'd have to just move back once school no longer permits a full time job, and that full time job was what was paying the rent)
I was talking to my dad about driving tonight- I am worried I'm going to mess up the car practicing. Gods, I wish there was a simulator I could practice with, without fear of damaging anything. Being able to drive would make it easier to do things with my other friends- not being bound to public transit schedules makes life easier for sure.

As for this friend of mine, we'll see what he's like when he comes home, and I start calling him out. Every. Single. Time he tries to lead me around by the nose or says something ignorant. If he gets the message that his rudeness and bossiness are pushing me away, and makes an effort to do better, cool. If not, then I'll be suddenly very busy with work and other things. "Oh sorry, can't hang out watching Netflix, I've got lightsaber practice tonight!"

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Life in General / Re: "Just making a suggestion"
« on: July 31, 2018, 10:05:08 pm »
I can't change my living situation right now. All of the money I made would get eaten up in bills and expenses, leaving me nothing to save, nothing to do anything the slightest bit fun with, nothing to put aside for school next year. And when that starts I simply won't be able to work enough hours to pay all those expenses and still have time for full time classes.
I'm picky about who I live with for several reasons- personal safety, safety of my property, need for some measure of stability, among other things. That's not excuse making, it's fact. I've been in a hellish situation myself, and have heard too damn many horror stories. I really don't want roommates at all, to be honest, and it sucks balls that so many supposedly full time jobs pay so little that adults are forced into that situation by way of economic need.


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Life in General / Re: "Just making a suggestion"
« on: July 31, 2018, 04:34:04 pm »
I talked to my dad (He's a retired math teacher), and I'm going to sign up for that fall math class. And yes, when my friend gets back in a few month's time, he's going to find that I'm not a doormat any more. I might not even need to go into full attack mode, just ask (and don't let him weasel out of answering) why he always wants to make all the decisions when we're together, and why he feels that I can't be trusted to do simple things like leave tips or handle a menu. And next time he pulls something sneaky like agreeing to let me show him a video, then shutting the TV off, or some of the other things he's done, I'll call him out right away. "What the hell? You said I could show you something, then you turned the TV off and announced that it was time for us to go home? Dude, that's some really hinky crap you just pulled! Not cool!"

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