Bad Manners and Brimstone

Many years ago my mother's aunt (my great aunt) Martha came to Easter dinner.  BeagleBoy and my nieces were in grade school (between kindergarten and 3rd grades).

For several months Aunt Martha had been having some stomach issues that no one could find a cause for.  We suspect she was eating things she wasn't supposed to but we could never prove it.  Very often she became....gassy.

So dinner is over and Aunt Martha is heading to the restroom with my mother assisting her up the stairs.   Suddenly there was a loud "brrrrraaaaaaappppp".  I'm watching the faces of all three children who are trying really hard not to break out in hysterical giggles.  Let's face it, to small children body sounds are funny.

To their credit all three of them managed to hold in their laughter.  I found out later my mother had forewarned the kids that Aunt Martha had tummy issues that made her "toot" and it would be rude to laugh at her.

Forget kids, adults find body sounds just as funny, though we're supposed to act more mature than that.  Last year, I remember many news networks and SNL poking fun at Rudy Giuliani for "tooting" during some official hearing. To Rudy's credit, he just kept talking and didn't react.  But every adult I know brought it up soon after.

My problem has developed because of our wonderous technology!

Many sink faucets, soap dispensers and paper towel dispensers are now activated by simply waving your hands under the unit. 

So it's very disconcerting when I have spent at least 30 seconds waving my hands under a faucet and there's no water is coming out, wondering if it's broken, then realizing that this sink has a regular tap that requires me to manually turn the knob with my hands. 

Maybe TPTB asked Michelle and Laura how they would like to be addressed. 

Beyonce had a world tour entitled "The Mrs. Carter Show World Tour."  I thought it was nice/cute/fun.

I didn't change my last name when I married my husband, and I do get a chuckle when people address me as Mrs. Schindler (not my last name).

I think that most people really are trying to be respectful and we're getting really sensitive about things that aren't hills to die on.  Just my opinion. 

I guess she thought she was intimidating me but really all I could do was laugh about a simple head shake causing someone to get this irate. I'm pretty sure that if I had honked my horn at her, she would have just rammed me.
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When my four nieces were learning how to drive, I told all of them the same thing:  the person flipping you off/cursing at you is waaaay madder than you are about whatever you supposedly did or didn’t do.  Just go about your day and don’t engage the crazy.

Not really an “oopsie” but a great story that has now become part of family lore.

My husband met my sister and her family in 2012 at our first joint Thanksgiving.   We had arrived on Tuesday, so by Friday he had only known them for 3 days.

My sister always makes soup with the turkey carcass and leftovers and included fresh Brussels sprouts that year.  And we all know those delicious little cabbages can create noxious emissions for some poor souls.

So, after our delicious soup dinner, DH, sis, niece and I were playing cards at the dinner table when the toxic gas emerged from DH.  No sound, just a wave of odor that hit me first, and as I grimaced, poor DH was so red with embarrassment.  My sister asked, “What happened?” and 2 seconds after that the smell hit her and my niece simultaneously. 

Cries of “Oh.My.God” filled the room and hubby was just mortified and wanted the ground to swallow him up.  It was really bad.  My sister was so gracious and took responsibility and totally blamed herself for putting the sprouts in the soup.  She kept emphasizing that it was her fault and hubby shouldn’t feel bad in the least.

The part he really hates is when we retell this story EVERY SINGLE Thanksgiving.  I just told him that he’s very special because we don’t have any other in-law stories.

If I visited with a "friend" and brought wine and chips and a lemon cake and strawberry jam and homemade goodies and told her how sorry I was to be leaving as she had made her home so cozy for us and how much fun I had had, and then she had a conniption because I didn't send a thank you note immediately, I'd find a new friend.

Did she send you a thank you note for the wine and chips and a lemon cake and strawberry jam and homemade goodies???  I'm guessing not.

I'm so glad to see this forum! 

I wasn't allowed to read in the car...my mom thought it would ruin my eyes.  So when we drove from Philly to Pittsburgh every year, my sister and I couldn't bring books or games to help the 7 hour car trip go by faster, and we ended up fighting the whole time.

I always wondered why my dad had a headache every time we went to Pittsburgh.