Bad Manners and Brimstone

Gellcom, the expectant Mom does want games!

Well, I told the one portion of the family that I was not "doing Christmas" this year because I was exhausted from work. Which I am. They took it well, told me to relax and get some rest. I did have the rest of the family over, including my son's new girlfriend, and we had a very wonderful time. Thank all of you for giving me the strength to just say it! My husband was worried that they would find out that we "did Christmas" without them, but everyone knows not to post to social media at our home, so they never have. First Christmas in a while that I've completely enjoyed myself and didn't get bummed out!

What do you think about an adult member of the household who almost never, never offers to do any task at home unless asked by another member?  I've asked this member of my household why he waits to be asked and his answer is that he keeps out of trouble that way.  I think what he is actually saying is that he prefers not doing anything except what he enjoys doing - which is smoking, watching racing on tv and sleeping.  He never "gets in trouble" when he DOES do something around here.

 He's been in my household for 15 years now and has always operated this way.  He's in his 60s.  The rest of us do all kinds of things around here.  Sometimes we have conversations in order to decide the best way to accomplish something.  He never offers anything to these discussions.  Even when asked pointedly, he usually has nothing to offer; just agrees with what is being said.

I think he's just lazy! However if he does the tasks when asked, I would just keep asking. Annoying as it is, some people just can't or won't look around and see "what needs doing".

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I had friends who hosted New Years Eve party for years and years.  The parties were getting stale and boring.  Then friends sent out the word that they were getting ready to retire and NYE parties would not be happening anymore.  No one stepped up.

This plays in to what I was about to say: it’s quite possible that some at least of these people (perhaps the same ones that Chigger doesn’t want to keep hosting because they aren’t social and don’t bring presents?) don’t particularly want to spend Thanksgiving at her house at all, but don’t like to refuse because it’s Her Thing and they don’t want to hurt her feelings and seem to be rejecting the family tradition.  Others might want to help out but fear offending her by suggesting she needs help with the catering! Still others might be keen to step up and host it themselves.

Even cherished traditions can get stale and inconvenient. Chigger, I think there’s everything to be said for you announcing in a perfectly neutral way - i.e. no suggestion that ‘I’m fed up of working my fingers to the bone for all you idle and ungrateful lot’ - that you’re no longer going to do the Big Family Bash as before. Then sit back and see how the cookie crumbles. You might well find that the relatives you don’t like are actually happy to be off the hook and ‘allowed’ to take themselves off to their in-laws for these holidays or just celebrate them at home. Another household may volunteer to invite everyone; or maybe everyone who really enjoys your holiday get-togethers will offer to bring dishes and do work if only you’ll keep inviting.

Good advice! The weird thing is I've thought the not so social trio would be glad to be let off the hook. I gave a perfect out on Christmas, I told them a household member was sick and "coughing a lung up" and if they chose not to come, I would understand and I would drop off their gifts and some food the next day. They came anyway (empty handed). Very strange. I don't invite them for Thanksgiving.

My honest opinion is Sally is a jackass. She should have realized this server was running her ass off, and doing the best she could. All it takes is a brief look around. Then, she is going to call you "stupid" for how you choose to tip? And she wouldn't have left a tip at all, sorry she is a really bad word that I'm sure I can't say here.

That really is awful! Bad enough that the wife wanted the wheelchair "after", but then to ask about something in the garage, she's being a vulture. So sorry for your friend, it's hard enough losing a spouse, without people trying to put in dibs on her husband's possesions. I hate to say it, but she will probably experience more of this.

I'm feeling ill right now.