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Messages - camlan

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1
Life in General / Re: Damaging library books
« on: July 12, 2022, 11:28:17 am »
Quote from: VorFemme on July 10, 2022, 02:08:15 pm
I still have steam coming out of my ears over thirty years later over this. 

I'd checked out some books for research for a person project from the military base library.  Went back a while later to update my notes (they'd gotten damaged & there were a couple of changes I needed to check).  Someone had CUT multiple pages out of most of the books, to the point that whole chapters were missing...

The librarian knew I'd researched this over time & took care of books...so she checked the history, to find that the same family had checked out ALL the damaged books.  Apparently, copiers were too expensive or too much trouble - so whoever had used them had razored out the pages they wanted to keep and returned the (sometimes much slimmer) books.

Sadly, the way things were set up- they were not allowed to either ban the family for the history of damage or fine them to replace the books (mostly out of print - which is why I was relying on finding them at the library). 

Still remember the librarian's face when she realized that it was an ongoing issue with no way to resolve it, under the rules they had to follow at that time & place.

Ugh. When I was in grad school, I was a Teaching Assistant and taught many sections of Freshman English. We were required to have the students write a research paper. I knew from experience that a couple of students would always get to the library first and check out all the books on the subject, so before assigning the paper, I put about 25 books on Reserve, so that all the students could use them.

Couple of weeks later, I get a call from the Reserve Desk at the library asking me to stop by. They showed me 5 of the books, all with entire chapters cut out. There was nothing they could do, and nothing I could do, but they wanted me to know that it was probably one or more of my students.

Trust me, I read the riot act to both my sections of Freshman English the next day. I pointed out that the books could not be repaired. I pointed out that, like most academic books, they were long out of print. I pointed out that if the library decided to replace them, they would have to hunt out used copies, using up time and money and resources they could have been using to bring new books into the collection. And if the book was difficult to find, it might cost more than it did when new. That whoever cut the pages had now prevented anyone at the university from accessing that information, ever. I was angry and I let that show.

A librarian told me a few weeks later that one of the chapters had been returned through the book drop.

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Life in General / Re: Watching pornography in public
« on: May 04, 2022, 02:02:15 pm »
My take on things like this is that common sense would dictate that a member of Parliament watching **** while actually in Parliament would be considered by the majority of his/her constituency to be wrong, regardless of what laws might be invoked. People would want the person they voted for to be paying attention to what is going on around them and not self-pleasuring. In other words, he/she should be doing their job and not indulging in private pleasures. 

Therefore, having been caught doing this by more than one person, this person has shown themselves unfit for the office they hold and should step down, on the basis that they have revealed themselves to be too stupid to hold office. Too stupid 1) for watching **** in public and 2) getting caught doing it.

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Life in General / Re: This doesn’t have to be a big deal, right?
« on: March 21, 2019, 02:26:30 pm »
"Jenny, I am not going to get involved in this issue between you and Tom & Hannah. If you are upset by their choice, please talk to them. I will not be giving you information to meetings you are not invited to--again, if you want to be invited, you will need to talk to Tom & Hannah."

"If you want more information, you will need to speak to Tom & Hannah."

"As I've said, you will need to talk to Tom & Hannah about that."

"As I've told you several times, you will need to address those questions to Tom & Hannah. Is there some reason you are still asking me about this? I thought I had made it clear that I will not get involved in this issue."

If Jenny gets upset, that is on her. You have done nothing, repeat, nothing wrong. Jenny needs to own her own feelings.

And if Jenny does get upset enough to break the friendship and move on, it doesn't sound as if you will be losing much.

I would also not bring up the subject at all--let her introduce it, and then you tell her to talk to Tom & Hannah. Don't add fuel to the fire.

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Good News!!! / Re: Project Fat Cat is a success so far!
« on: March 21, 2019, 02:17:26 pm »
Wonderful! Thyroid issues in cats are so hard to deal with--if only they could tell us how they feel.

Under similar circumstances, I found baby food ham and anything salmon-flavored worked well. Never thought of mackerel--will keep that on the list for future reference.

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Life in General / Re: Need quick help regarding Catholic funeral
« on: February 07, 2019, 02:23:45 pm »
Quote from: katiekat2009 on February 06, 2019, 05:01:18 pm
Thanks for all the replies and condolences. Just for the record, we take Communion also in the Baptist faith and visitors and children are not allowed to partake unless they have committed their life to Christ. I went to a Catholic wedding once - same girl whose father has recently passed. It was very different from other weddings I have attended, as I didn't see many references to the bride and groom. From what some of you have said, the funeral may be the same? More ceremony and less personalization?

I really, really wish I didn't have to go - it is a 3 hour drive each way - but this cousin was a wonderful person and very good to me. I feel I should pay this last honor to him.

Both weddings and funerals take place during the Mass. So all the usual parts of a Catholic Mass--prayers, readings, Communion--have to take place.Usually, the readings are chosen to tie in with the reason for the Mass for weddings and funerals.

 For funerals, there has to be a eulogy--found that out when Grandpa didn't want any eulogy, but the priest told us there had to be one. It could be short, but it was necessary.

Different parishes handle things like this differently, as do individual priests. Sometimes people are invited up to speak about the deceased, sometimes not. It all depends.


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Life in General / Re: Need quick help regarding Catholic funeral
« on: February 07, 2019, 02:17:39 pm »
Quote from: Rose Red on February 06, 2019, 04:39:21 pm
Quote from: LadyRexall on February 06, 2019, 04:30:01 pm
I’m Protestant and my hubby is catholic. He’s always told me it’s extremely rude and people would take note if I didn’t kneel.

I've only been to a few catholic church services but that's not my experience at all! Especially for weddings and funerals where the invited can be from all walks of life. Nobody blinked an eye at those who didn't kneel. They are there to honor a person(s) and not really "attending church" if that makes sense.


As a Catholic, there's always someone who isn't kneeling at Mass. Sometimes it's me, if my bad knee is acting up and won't bend. Or a non-Catholic  spouse attending Mass. I'm surprised anyone would think it rude.

As as others are saying, at weddings and funerals, there are always non-Catholics present. Some are from faiths that do not believe in kneeling. I would not expect them to kneel. (I was a bridesmaid in a wedding once where this was an issue.)

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Life in General / Re: Explaining without being defensive
« on: January 29, 2019, 11:20:13 am »
Quote from: lowspark on January 29, 2019, 11:19:13 am
The wording, as it is written, does not come across as being defensive. So if multiple people have accused you of being defensive, I'm guessing it's your tone of voice.

Either that, or someone thinks any explanation is defensive. And not just, you know, an explanation.

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The Work Day / Re: When a customer gets the best of you.
« on: January 24, 2019, 01:13:39 pm »
Quote from: sharonamo on January 24, 2019, 11:20:27 am
It never fails to amaze me how many people don't understand (or know) the phrase "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".

Grandma Shirley taught me that early in life, and while it hasn't always gotten me what I wanted, it sure made the interactions more pleasant. I'm sorry you had to deal with such an unpleasant person, but kudos to you for handling it very well!

And if a customer who has a problem is being nice about it, I know I will try to think of a solution for them--maybe not the solution they want, but some sort of compromise. If a customer is being rude or mean or nasty, I won't go to the effort of finding out if there's anything else that can be done for them.

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The Work Day / Re: When a customer gets the best of you.
« on: January 24, 2019, 08:18:42 am »
This customer was trying to bully you and shock you into doing what he wanted. I'd guess about 75% of the really rude customers I've dealt with *know* that what they are asking for is against policy, but they are trying to intimidate the customer service person into doing it anyway.

This guy tried to belittle you by calling you "girl." He tried to order you to do what he wanted--to catch you off guard so you wouldn't think of what your company policy is, but be intimidated into doing as he said. So when you stood up to the bully, politely, he knew his tactics were not working, so he tried even harder to bully you by threatening to report you.

And all of his tactics did not work. You were polite, you asked something reasonable.

I think you did great.

In similar situations, I tend to let the customer rant at me without interrupting them. When they are finished, I repeat back what the problem seems to be (See, Customer, I heard you!) and then tell them the company policy, all in a calm, pleasant tone of voice. Then they will rant again. When they stop, I calmly repeat the policy and ask if they would like me to call a manager. The manager is going to say exactly what I said, but frequently getting to talk to a manager calms a lot of people down. They feel as if they have tried everything they could and have pushed the issue as far as it can be pushed. It's a psychological thing, I think.

I have no problem getting a manager to deal with an unreasonable customer. They get paid the big bucks to do that. I do not. And getting the manager involved earlier rather than later means that I get back to doing my job that much sooner.

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Weddings / Re: Can you go just to the reception and not the ceremony?
« on: January 09, 2019, 09:39:07 am »
Traditionally, it has been considered rude to attend the reception and not the ceremony, because of the freeloading aspect that Aleko mentions. But you do have extenuating circumstances!

However, I also think you can push back a bit on your husband's wish to have your sons attend the reception. Can you sit down with him and really discuss the issue and find out why he wants them there? Is he going to help you with them during the reception? Will they enjoy any part of the day? Would it make any sense to bring one of them and leave the other at home if you have an appropriate caregiver for him?

While I do not believe that people with disabilities should stay home all the time, I also feel that people shouldn't be forced into doing something that they won't like or will make them uncomfortable. How the boys will react to being there should, IMO, be a major factor in the decision.

11
Weddings / Re: OK just to have snacks?
« on: January 07, 2019, 03:06:46 pm »
The OP says the guests, all but one couple, will be "on-site." Does that mean everyone is gathered at some sort of park or resort or hotel?

My question in that case would be, how easy/expensive will it be for all those guests to eat before the ceremony?

If it will be easy and not budget-busting for everyone to have breakfast and lunch or brunch beforehand, then the reception doesn't have to offer as many meal-like options. But if there is no restaurant on-site, or the restaurant is open inconvenient hours, then more thought has to be given to making sure people will get an adequate meal after the wedding. Or if there is only one meal option and that option is Chez Wicked Expensive, again, the hosts will need to provide more food.

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Holidays / Re: Young adult spending Christmas with friends rather than family?
« on: January 03, 2019, 12:37:37 pm »
I've found this discussion to be interesting, weighing the alternatives--who owes who, what does being an adult mean, gratitude, etc.

Where I fall on matters like this is: You can do what you want, but you have to be aware that actions have consequences.

I can see why Jessica prefers friends and the beach. I can see why John would like to have his family together on Christmas Day.

Jessica needs to realize that prioritizing friends and the beach sends a clear message to her family that she does not consider them to be the most important thing in her life--her friends and the beach are. She should not be surprised if her parents start making different decisions based on this knowledge.

John needs to realize that his children are growing up and they are starting to naturally separate from their family of origin. He should start making plans accordingly.

I do think that if Jessica had made some effort, any effort, to include her family in her holiday plans John would not have been as upset. Jessica could have stayed home and spent Christmas Eve with her parents, and then gone to the beach. Or invited her family to Christmas dinner at the beach (either in the rented home or at a restaurant).

John seems to have let Jessica go away for the week, perhaps acknowledging that she is growing up and growing away. I think he is allowed to feel hurt that his daughter prefers to spend the holiday away from him. If he were my friend, I'd encourage him to be more proactive with Jessica about upcoming holidays. Negotiate some time with her, either on the day itself or a weekend near the date for a family celebration. Bring up the subject before Jessica does, so that her plans aren't set in concrete before he even knows about them and she can the time to adjust plans with her friends.

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Life in General / Re: Using another's garbage can?
« on: December 19, 2018, 03:39:16 pm »
If it's something small, like a candy wrapper, and the trash can is at the curb, I don't see a problem with putting the trash in a trash can. Better than tossing it on the ground and creating litter. But using other people's trash cans to get rid of your household trash--that's wrong. In many areas, people pay for a certain amount of trash pickup, and you are in effect stealing from them if you put a lot of trash in their trash cans.

And no dog poop. I get that it's a pain to carry it around, but the risk of the bag breaking and getting poop all over someone else's trash can is too high.

As I've been typing this, I've realize that where I draw the line is if the extra trash affects the owner's use of the trash can. I mean, yeah, they might see a candy wrapper, but that doesn't affect the owner's use of the can. Putting a bag of trash in the can does affect how much trash the owner can put in the can. Putting something stinky like dog poop in the can means the owner might have to wash it out, so you shouldn't do that.

Someone mentioned public trash cans. These do not exist in the residential areas in my city. I'm not sure they even have them downtown. Some of the public parking lots have them, but not all.

Mostly, if I generate trash as I'm walking around, I tuck it into a pocket and throw it out when I get home.

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Holidays / Re: But you know that's not my Holiday.
« on: December 13, 2018, 08:25:45 am »
Quote from: Rho on December 11, 2018, 10:01:41 pm
   She was well aware 25% of the employees did not observe Christmas yet purchased 12 magnificent Christmas Pointsettas and placed them on  a table for everyone to pick up one to take home. 

Bolding mine. The OP refers to the plants as Christmas poinsettias. Which implies that there is a link, however faint, to Christmas.

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Holidays / Re: But you know that's not my Holiday.
« on: December 12, 2018, 07:55:48 am »
There is a legend about poinsettias and Christmas: https://www.whychristmas.com/customs/poinsettia.shtml. If someone had heard of this, they might think that poinsettias, given as a gift at Christmastime, were a religious symbol.

If the woman who left the plant said nothing and just left the plant on the table, I think she acted in a polite manner. It's a gift; she doesn't have to take it if she doesn't want it.

And I do suspect that the person who purchased the plants either knew they were a symbol of Christmastime or got a really good price on them. Impossible to tell from the information given.

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