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Messages - DaDancingPsych

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1
Life in General / Re: Another tipping question . . .
« on: January 16, 2024, 10:53:29 am »
Sometimes when the service is slow because the server has too many tables, I have tipped slightly less (15-20%) figuring that across all the tables the take home money amount would be higher because the person had more tables.

However, I have often done the same as you and tipped more because the person was hustling and providing the best service possible.

I don't know that one is right or that one is wrong. I think tipping is a personal choice and should be what you feel appropriate for the situation.

2
Life in General / Re: Nesting Parties
« on: January 10, 2024, 11:38:41 am »
Quote from: lowspark on January 08, 2024, 02:06:32 pm
Quote from: Hmmm on January 08, 2024, 12:56:58 pm
Quote from: DaDancingPsych on January 05, 2024, 05:44:30 am
Quote from: Hmmm on January 04, 2024, 12:50:41 pm
I'd much rather spend time visiting as we work on a project than playing games. But I'm also the type that prefers a gift of service or time over a gift of things.

I'm actually rather torn by the idea. If the task is something that I excel at, I would rather provide that as my gift. I'm terrible at gift purchasing, especially because I'm not a parent.

However, I'm the outlier, as I rather enjoy most of the baby shower games. Maybe if they found a way to include these with the work then I would be all in.

I'm rather disappointed that I declined... I now can't attend and report back!

change your RSVP! Just for us!

 ;D Seconded.

Sadly? Luckily? The party has passed. I guess I should track down that guest list and see who can fill us in!   ;D

The word party would not bother me in certain situations, like when I know that they are using it in a funny way. "Can you stop by on Saturday to help me organize a few things? We'll make it a party!!! HAHA  <wink wink>" But I agree that in this situation where there is an invitation that went out that the tone isn't that the parents are being funny. They are simply failing to acknowledge that what they are requesting is really a favor. In this case, I don't think that they are being malicious. I think that they are not simply thinking through what their actions are really saying.

3
Life in General / Re: Nesting Parties
« on: January 05, 2024, 05:44:30 am »
Quote from: Hmmm on January 04, 2024, 12:50:41 pm
I'd much rather spend time visiting as we work on a project than playing games. But I'm also the type that prefers a gift of service or time over a gift of things.

I'm actually rather torn by the idea. If the task is something that I excel at, I would rather provide that as my gift. I'm terrible at gift purchasing, especially because I'm not a parent.

However, I'm the outlier, as I rather enjoy most of the baby shower games. Maybe if they found a way to include these with the work then I would be all in.

I'm rather disappointed that I declined... I now can't attend and report back!

4
Life in General / Re: Nesting Parties
« on: January 03, 2024, 09:26:14 pm »
Quote from: Rho on January 02, 2024, 10:12:20 pm
If invited I would agonize if I should bring a gift too.

When I read this comment, I related strongly. I could have easily seen myself posting this whole thread as a question, "Should I bring a gift to a nesting party?" When checking the invitation for invited numbers, I noted that it clearly states that they want no gifts.

I'm also wondering about the etiquette of the parents throwing this party themselves. Maybe that rule is only for showers, but that feels off to me, too.

5
Life in General / Re: Nesting Parties
« on: January 03, 2024, 09:19:59 pm »
Quote from: jpcher on January 03, 2024, 05:11:00 pm

DDP -- do you have any idea as to how many people were invited?


Twenty eight people were invited through Facebook. Six of those accepted and are marked as "going". Three as "maybe". I'm actually the only person to decline, but I imagine that not all of those will show up. Still, if these are supposed to be intimate events, they have already maxed out.

As someone who is child free, I had not realized that nesting was instinctual. It makes sense, though. But that's probably the problem... I never felt the urge to want to have kids, so my nesting desires are broken, too!
 

6
Life in General / Re: Nesting Parties
« on: January 02, 2024, 06:24:06 pm »
Quote from: sandisadie on January 02, 2024, 05:52:50 pm
IMO it's not a "party" if everyone is only there to do work.  I wonder why it's called "nesting"?

The description sent to me by friend did not feel very party like at all. Although, I suspect that food, drink, and socialization will be part of it.

I am guessing that nesting is the like when birds build nests for their soon-to-be baby birds. But I really know nothing about the concept.

Quote from: sandisadie on January 02, 2024, 05:52:50 pm
IMO it's not a "party" if everyone is only there to do work.  I wonder why it's called "nesting"?

For what it's worth, I don't recall if this friend had any sort of baby party with the first one. (I feel like they have had a "meet the baby" sort of gathering, though.) And thus far, I have not been invited to a shower or sprinkle or any other cutely named gift giving party for the second baby. Either way, I have to wonder how much "nesting" one really needs to do with a second baby. Baby #1 is probably a year and a half, so I would think the nursery would need very little adjustment and the house should be currently baby proof as toddlers need more proofing than infants. It feels a bit like "why do you need a baby shower for a second child when you already have most of the items that you would need".

7
Life in General / Nesting Parties
« on: January 02, 2024, 02:47:34 pm »
I recently received a Facebook invitation to a nesting party. I was a bit confused on what that was, but luckily the invitation included an explanation. Basically, it replaces the baby shower and instead of buying the couple gifts, you show-up on the day/time and do chores. Putting together baby furniture. Washing baby clothes. Baby proofing the home. I am not particularly close to the couple (didn't even know that they were having another child; have not even met their first kid who is over a year old) and I was not interested performing someone else's chore lists when mine is in need of desperate assistance, so I just politely declined.

Then I bumped into an article about nesting parties. I think that it is this one (https://www.thebump.com/a/how-to-throw-a-nesting-party). So I guess that this is a thing now?

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about this. What's the difference if I am expected to purchase a baby gift versus gifting my time and energy? However, a baby shower is an actual party sometimes with games and fun (although we have discussed their pitfalls here.) It's hard for me to tell, but it seems that nesting parties are focused on all genders where baby showers have traditionally been for the women only. And while we know it's rather tacky to have a baby shower for the second child; do you think that rule should apply to nesting parties, too?

I'm just opening the forum for discussion and thoughts.

8
Life in General / Re: Is it just me?
« on: December 29, 2023, 05:54:09 am »
shadowfox79, I am sorry that Hannah responded so rudely to you. You know her better than all of us and it's quite possible that she meant "in case we find a better play" rather than "in case someone I like better wants to do something". I also believe that it's very possible that she does not realize what she said or how she comes across, so it would be a kindness to point this out to her. I also believe that you are wise to not hold off your plans for her. It's possible that if she gets locked out of doing a few things that she might wise up... or maybe she won't. But you should not suffer from her unwillingness to commit.

Personally, I guess I am a blend of the two of you. If I am making plans with others, I want those tickets locked in and would prefer that all of the logistics be worked out. However, if the plan is to go solo, I will hold off until the last minute. It's less about better plans and more that my life is full and that locking myself into something could mean that I have to forgo the price because I can't attend or I end up complicating my life because free time is a luxury that I often give up for more urgent matters. I will say that if it something likely to sell out and I REALLY want to go, then I don't hesitate.

Either way, I would use this information about Hannah to your advantage. I would not invite her to things unless I am willing to deal with her waiting until the last minute. In some cases, that may be just fine... in others, that might mean that she's not the right person to attend with.

9
Life in General / Re: Logistics when traveling with a group
« on: December 23, 2023, 06:15:39 pm »
I prefer to act like you, Hmmm. I like to have all the logistics planned out. As my parents are aging, I am finding the drop-off and walking details are important, too. However, I find that I am in the minority. Most people travel by the seat of their pants and try to figure out things on the fly. I really can't expect for others to plan ahead. However, I can always prompt them. "Restaurant X sounds like a great place! Now that's downtown in the city? Do you know what the parking situation is like? Did they mention anything on their website? Could you look into that since we will have MIL along?"

Although, I agree, that if the driver says that they need some details when en route that it's the passenger's responsibilities to do their best to find them.

Something interesting that I discovered when traveling with my parents. They are incredibly detailed when it comes to the things that we are doing. They know what time the place opens, what there is to see/do, and what the ticket prices are. But they are awful when it comes to the parking and logistics after we arrive. I have made my the captain in these areas and make sure that I have all the details I need... even if they selected the place. I think it's rather important to understand your traveling partners and fill in the gaps as needed.

10
Weddings / Re: "Black Tie" wedding - question at the end
« on: November 28, 2023, 05:44:29 am »
Quote from: Rho on November 25, 2023, 10:01:46 pm
First let me state that my husband inherited, literally, his fathers tux at age 37 so we have never had to worry about renting one.
BUT  why is it O.K. to ask guests to wear a certain colour or wear dressy casual or festive yacht and no one thinks twice.  But black tie--oh my that is an imposition.

For me, the inconvenience comes when I have to go out of my way to purchase something that I likely will never wear again. So if you request that we all dress like our favorite big cat, I might justify the purchase of a cheetah dress because I could probably wear it to attend a theater show. But if you are requesting our favorite mascot costume, I just can't see myself attending a ball game in that. (They would probably put me to work!) But I truly believe that it is the HC's event and they can make any request that they want. And as others have pointed out, I can decline if it doesn't work for me.


Quote from: Aleko on November 26, 2023, 03:37:21 am
DDP, I think Autocorrupt for some reason turned your ‘alert’ into ‘alter’!

Yes, let's say that it "Automatically" happened. It would never be my poor writing skills! (Edited original post to hopefully be more clear. Thanks for pointing it out.)

11
Weddings / Re: "Black Tie" wedding - question at the end
« on: November 25, 2023, 11:23:15 am »
I would tell George that it's inappropriate to not follow the dress code. As others have pointed out, his dark suit might be quite appropriate, but I would probably seek advisement prior to the invitation arriving so that I could make an informed decision as to what to do.

If they truly want everyone to wear tuxes, when it sounds like it's not the norm for your family's weddings, then they must understand that some people will opt to not attend (or violate the dress code.) It's entirely possible that the bride and mother-of-the-bride have not thought this fully through. By getting in touch with them for clarification, it may help to alert them that the guests may not be willing to invest in a tux (or evening gown) for this event.

12
Life in General / Re: Late party guests and potential fees. What would you do?
« on: October 30, 2023, 08:35:07 am »
Lots of great advice!

Personally, I would be doing a lot of thinking before sending invitations with this one. People who are always late are acting in a selfish way. They have no respect for how this affects others... this time it would be a financial obligation. I might choose not to invite this person for this very reason.

However, I agree that including the punctuality information in the invitation is wise.

I also wonder if the establishment would be willing to assist with this, too? If you explained that you were not interested in paying the additional fee and that anyone arriving late should not be allowed to participate if they could assist with explaining this. "I'm sorry, but the group has already started so we will not be able to include you in the project." You would still be out the money that you did pay for her, but at least nothing additional.

13
Life in General / Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
« on: October 30, 2023, 08:25:34 am »
I usually do give out my contact details in this situation. Unfortunately, the internet knows enough about me that someone searching could probably find something anyways. If they did attempt to contact me (and as pointed out, they usually don't), then I could decide if I was going to return the call. I think that it's perfectly fine to redirect to your preferred mode of contact. Maybe giving your carrier pigeon ID mind send home the message?  ;D

I wonder if something like the following might work? "I usually don't give out my phone number. My schedule is typically very busy and I am terrible at returning calls."

Either way, I think that you did the best that you could in this situation. Pooey on Patti for giving it out without your permission!

14
The Work Day / Re: How do you deal with Upper Management . . .
« on: October 21, 2023, 06:22:00 pm »
Yes. Everything that you do with/for her has a hard stop. And then stick with it.

And I agree that we need more agree buttons!

15
Technoquette / Re: e-begging
« on: October 17, 2023, 05:48:10 am »
Quote from: Lula on October 16, 2023, 07:04:00 pm
Somewhat related: if you go on Facebook and beg your friends to vote for your kid in some contest, I'm going over to the link you provide, perusing all the entries, and voting for the entrant who deserves to win based on their work.  Your kid entered a competition of skill, not a parental popularity contest.

I do the same. If their kid is worthy, they will get my vote. Otherwise, I vote for the one I feel is best. I have certainly seen this as e-begging and then I've seen where I thought it was not. "Little Timmy is a finalist in a photo contest. Here is the link where you can vote for your favorite."

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