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Messages - TurtleIScream

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1
Weddings / Re: Another obscure dress code
« on: May 22, 2022, 05:08:12 pm »
We just got an invitation to a party for my husband’s work. It’s a replacement Christmas party to make up for COVID cancellations. The dress code is “Classy Casual”.

The weird thing is, I have the perfect outfit!

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Food / Re: Foods you never liked, but tried again years later to find it delicious
« on: February 27, 2022, 07:30:09 am »
Most of the foods I hated as a kid, I still hate. I do have some food sensitivities, so I am always apprehensive about trying new things in case they trigger a reaction. But, yesterday, I tried a nectarine again after 5 years or so, and I really liked it!

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Life in General / Re: The right lane
« on: September 21, 2021, 09:26:31 am »
Quote from: Hmmm on September 21, 2021, 08:55:58 am
I'll admit that it is a bit of a pet peeve of mine.  If you are not turning right and you have the option to move to the center lane behind a car or two, I think it is the right thing to do. It keeps traffic moving and creates less overall back up at a light. For me, it is basic awareness and basing your actions on how to improve overall traffic flow.

I agree. But shaming people online is not the way to go. It’s just one of life’s annoyances that you complain about and teach your children to be aware of.

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: What the heck is wrong with people?
« on: September 15, 2021, 08:26:43 am »
Quote from: lowspark on September 15, 2021, 08:10:16 am
The minute she took the candy that was sitting on the top of the cake was the minute the hostess should have intervened.

The minute she showed up at the door during a dinner party she wasn’t invited to was the minute the hostess should have intervened. Why was she even let in?

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Life in General / Re: First class or coach?
« on: August 22, 2021, 09:23:59 am »
Quote from: Wanaca on August 22, 2021, 08:11:04 am
It sounds like a great way of staying a "secondary" friend.

Exactly.

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Food / Re: Things you just don't want to eat anymore
« on: August 15, 2021, 03:47:27 pm »
Quote from: Aleko on August 14, 2021, 05:16:44 am
Quote
Strawberries. My mom grew a *lot* of strawberries when I was a kid.  I don't dislike them now, but maybe have them once a year.

I rarely eat them either, for the-same-but-opposite reason: my mother also grew a lot of them, so when I feel a desire for strawberries, it’s perfectly-ripe, just-picked ones like Mum’s that I want. Every time I give in to the urge for strawberries and buy some from a shop, I’m disappointed - because strawberries picked for sale in shops are never properly ripe. (Recently the letters page of the London Times had a correspondence on what is the perfect tool for taking the woolly core out of strawberries. A tool that wouldn’t be necessary if your strawberries were decently ripe, because they would have come off the stalk hollow, leaving the core behind.)

This reminds me of a trip we took about 15 years ago. We were in California, and our hotel was right across the street from a farm with strawberry fields. We walked to the farm stand to buy some fresh berries to snack on, and my 7 year old turned up their nose at these strawberries that didn’t look anything like what we bought at the store back home. These were RED, and strawberries are supposed to be mostly pink!

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Life in General / Re: Old is New Again After COVID shot
« on: March 29, 2021, 05:10:35 pm »
I get my second dose tomorrow! Then, I’ll feel comfortable going back to work and out to eat. I can’t wait to get appetizers and dessert properly spaced from my entree. Otherwise, my life hasn’t been too restrictive. My kids are back to in-person school, and my husband and I are part of presenting virtual church.

I am most looking forward to stores opening up fitting rooms. My wardrobe is really suffering, and Amazon isn’t quite meeting my needs. Hopefully soon!

Also, much as I love him, I can’t wait for my husband to be back to on-site work. We share a home office, which works when he just has the sporadic project to finish up at home. Not so much when he’s there All.The.Time. The time is coming!

8
Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Reading a book during a weekend stay?
« on: February 25, 2021, 05:12:09 pm »
I would have said you were definitely not rude. Reading is a weekend getaway activity!

But, people are notoriously bad about underestimating how long it takes for them to do something, and equally bad about overestimating how long it takes for others to do something. So, you’re reading while Joe gets his shoes on, Linda’s grabbing a sweater, and Jack is packing up some snacks and drinks. Joe’s thinking, “I just need 30 seconds to get my shoes, but Linda’s making us wait.” Linda’s thinking, “it will take me 5 seconds to grab my sweater, why is Jack wasting time packing snacks? We’re going out to eat!” And they’re all thinking, “we’re getting ready to go, and Raintree has just been sitting there reading for the last 15 minutes!” It’s unfair, but part of the reality of hanging out in a group.

So, I would say as a general rule, you should have been fine. You just didn’t read the room well this time.

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Family and Children / Re: Funeral planning during COVID restrictions UPDATE 1/26
« on: January 26, 2021, 10:05:31 am »
Thank you all so much for your perspectives. This was a horrible situation made worse by COVID restrictions and family drama.

We did arrange for a live streaming of the service. Due to Michigan weather, we had to be indoors and subject to the numbers limitations. The church, a huge facility, said the 25 limit was for the entire building and we couldn’t have an overflow room. We ended up having a separate family reception at my sister’s, where my brother and his family were welcome. Having our own service felt too “sour grapes”, but this was a good compromise for us.

In the end, my cousin’s husband stayed home with their three young children to make space for my nephew. I have already sent a heartfelt note recognising his closeness to my mom, and thanking him for honouring their deep love in that way.

I met the late wife’s sister and husband for the first time at the service. They are selfish and entitled. They pushed ahead of the children (and step-children) for seating in the front row and viewing before closing the casket. My step dad was officiating the service, so was on the platform, so they weren’t trying to be close by for him. They also hung back from my step-siblings, who I would understand might have wanted their mother’s family close, so I’m not sure what was going on with them. But, let them deal with their own family dynamics. My best friend advised me to not let myself become the kidneys, thinking I have to filter and process all the crap going on, so that’s been my mantra which served me well.

Other than them, it really was a lovely service. There were a few things I bristled at, but he really did love her and was also trying to process his grief. We were able to sneak in someone from my church, which I didn’t realise how important/supportive I’d find until he showed up. The pianist my stepdad arranged for didn’t know how to play any of the hymns selected, so our church’s pianist stepped in with about 18 hours notice. My mom had visited our church a couple of times and heard him play, so I know she would have appreciated it. Even my stepdad approved our choice. The pianist also got a very heartfelt note of thanks along with his payment.

Today is a snow day! So I get an extra day of processing and being with my family until life goes back to normal.

Thanks again! I hope everyone else here has family that stays healthy and no one has to navigate this during such a weird time.

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Family and Children / Funeral planning during COVID restrictions
« on: January 22, 2021, 03:14:25 pm »
My mom recently passed from breast cancer, and we are in the middle of making arrangements. Hoo boy, so much family drama. I don’t even know how to navigate this.

My mom remarried 18 years ago to a selfish control freak. He is dictating the plans because 1) he’s a pastor and knows how these things go, 2) he has strong opinions and knows what she would have wanted, and 3) he’s paying for it

Problems - 1) he’s not the only pastor in our family, and we don’t all agree on a “right way” to do a service, or even that there IS a right way. 2) he’s already made decisions that are not at all in keeping with her wishes. He’s asking for charitable donations to his church in lieu of flowers. My mom LOVED flowers and gifts and beautiful things. She HATED charitable donations as “gifts”. 3) anyone who uses that line knows they have no real argument.

Our state is limiting funerals to 25 people. The church is abiding by that rule, despite there being no practical repercussions to violating it. I am fine with that. I hate when people use their “faith” to flout authority. Plus, I am high risk, and opening the service to everybody would necessitate I stay home. But, now we have to decide who makes the cut. Mom has three children, all married, with 7 grandchildren, one married. That’s 14. She has 5 step-children (acquired as adults), all married, with 17 step-grandchildren. She also has two surviving brothers, both married with children, and her sister’s children. As you can see, there is no way to include all the Tier 1 and 1.5 people. Then, you get into all her friends, many of whom predate me. So, it’s complicated. There’s no way everyone who should be there can be invited. I was able to come up with a list of 25 that included members from both families, and mom’s closest friends.

My stepdad has decided that grandchildren are not invited. His first wife’s sister and husband are. Four of mom’s friends and their husbands are. I am spitting mad.

Is it wrong of me to go behind his back, reach out to a couple of the invitees that I know, and tell them (in much better words) that their place on the invite list supplanted grandchildren? I really wish I could disinvite the people I’ve never heard of, but I don’t know them at all.

This sucks.


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The Work Day / Re: gifting to reciprocate?
« on: December 19, 2020, 04:37:05 pm »
I am someone who loves to give gifts. If I were your coworker, I would not expect reciprocation. That kind of small token gift would be about spreading cheer rather than deepening the relationship. But I would also never say no to cookies!

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Life in General / Re: S/O - Remembering old threads - picky eaters
« on: October 13, 2020, 03:48:26 pm »
Quote from: Soop on October 13, 2020, 08:28:29 am
It was revelation to me that a lot of the vegetables I dislike are from the same ancestor. Cabbage, brussel sprouts, kale, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower all come from Wild Mustard. They are all bitter to me.

And then I tried a PTC (pheylthiocarbamide) test strip and it tasted vile. That explained what was bitter to me in those vegetables.

I too am very sensitive to cruciferous veggies. I get mocked mercilessly for “being allergic to anything green.” And then I am told they will just purée it and sneak it in my food. That. Really is not a good idea.

Since I discovered this, I have actually discovered MORE veggies I like. Apparently, when the main veggies kids are introduced to all contain the same vomit-inducing chemical, it makes kids scared to try anything new.

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Life in General / Re: So who gets to decide with etiqutte rules are outdated?
« on: September 30, 2020, 03:34:49 pm »
Some I don’t care about, but it will always be rude to start eating before the host!

Passing dishes clockwise -  the direction doesn’t matter, but being consistent makes sure everything gets around to everyone.

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Life in General / Re: “We just got here.”
« on: September 30, 2020, 11:50:08 am »
Many years ago, my husband regularly worked at a client about 3 hours away. I was a SAHM, so my toddler and I would come with him, and explore the area. It was a small town with limited dining options, but there was a little diner with en extensive dessert menu. The waitress would always bring our check with our meal, then act put out when she had to rerun the bill after we ordered dessert. We had to resort to telling them, “we will probably order dessert when we’re done, so please don’t bring us the check!”

I hate feeling rushed or pressured, and there were times we skipped dessert just because we didn’t feel like bothering the waitress any more. It wouldn’t rise to a “speak to the manager” level, but it did leave me less than impressed, and likely to go elsewhere in the future.

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Food / Re: What's for dinner and/or dessert?
« on: September 14, 2020, 10:41:54 pm »
Shrimp tacos. Stuffed with halloumi, cilantro, and onion. Topped with a Rosa crema. I’m drooling just remembering it.

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