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Messages - TootsNYC

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1
Life in General / Re: How to respond in a nice way but still convey my message
« on: May 29, 2024, 01:17:43 pm »
Quote from: Aleko on May 14, 2024, 01:10:59 am
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But she does sometimes comment on Facebook posts of get-togethers that don’t include her to say, in effect, “How come I wasn’t invited?” The answer to that is, cuz you don’t bother showing up!

If she does that, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to give her the true answer (privately, don’t put this out for the world to see) in as cheerful and un-snarky way as you can. Something along the lines of ‘Because I know that when you say yes to a get-together there’s only a 30% chance you’ll actually show up, so I don’t invite you to anything where having someone no-show without any warning or explanation is going to matter. I really do like to see you, but not to the extent of paying for a movie ticket or booked meal that you may or may not show up for.’


I agree. I think people deserve to be given feedback. It’s part of the scientific method, no?
And it’s also how people learn. “I sometimes don’t show up, but nobody seems to mind” isn’t helpful for her to think.

2
Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Hosting your own Bday party
« on: May 29, 2024, 01:13:48 pm »
Quote from: oogyda on May 08, 2024, 06:27:45 am
It has always been my understanding, etiquette-wise, that a host is supposed to call the invitee who has not responded in a timely manner to inquire about their intentions.  I think that’s what she should do.

I disagree with that verb.

I think that often the host does call, but it is not an obligation; it is self-defense.
The obligation ends with the invitee, who is extra-rude to so carelessly treat a generous invitation.

Stuff does slip people’s minds, but that doesn’t make it all that much less rude.

3
The Work Day / Re: Year-end review question . . . follow-up on "My Promotion" thread
« on: February 06, 2024, 08:23:00 am »
that's way too vague.
I think you should sit down with your new boss and say, "I wnat to make sure you have the full background on me.
You said that I produce more and better work than anyone. That is because I have been doing the work that should have long ago earned me a promotion. I have raised the level of my performance AND of my duties on the promise of a corresponding raise in my official position and my salary. That extra skill and ability and initiative you have noticed is not just me being a little better than my peers at my level. It is me doing the work of a promoted position."

And if you don't get that promotion, or at the very least a significant raise, you need to dial back. Then if they say anything, you can say, "well, that was work I did in order to justify a promotion. And I certainly worked at that level long enough to prove that I am capable of and deserving of that promotion and increased earning power. But I'm not interested in giving that away for free anymore, since apparently that promotion is not in the cards. If it arrives, you have clear evidence that I am absolutely going to step up. It's up to you."

4
Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
« on: November 28, 2023, 11:53:43 am »
hopefully Sam has learned something!
and I hope they have a good meat thermometer.
Maybe that’s a good Christmas gift for him—a meat thermometer with a probe, so you can put it in the bird, in the oven, and wait for it to beep at you.

I will say that I now use my probe thermometer for candymaking too!
 

5
Food / Re: am I going overboard when making my make-ahead GF gravy?
« on: November 20, 2023, 08:50:23 pm »
Quote from: jpcher on November 20, 2023, 03:59:13 pm
LOL! Perfect timing for this question!

The other night I watched an old episode of Julia Child. When making the sauce, according to her, it is important to brown the bones in order to draw out a richer flavor. She browned the bones in butter and olive oil (OO so that the butter doesn’t burn) with some root vegetables (onions or leeks, carrots and I’m pretty sure parsnips).

She transferred the browned bones and veggies into a pot, then deglazed the pan that the bones were browned in with a bit of wine, or French vermouth (preferable ;)), incorporating all of the “goodness” off the bottom of the pan and added that to her pot.

She did add chicken stock to her pot, and boiled it for two hours.

My personal thought – I think adding water instead of stock would thin out the flavor, negating the work done by browning the bones.

JC used corn starch for thickening as well. Plus, once the birds were removed from the oven, she added those pan drippings to her sauce. Maybe you could do this as well? Once the turkey is out of the oven? While your gravy is warming?


So fun, that you just saw that. It seems to support my idea that it tastes better once the bones have actually been cooked.

I do add the drippings from the turkey to the gravy, on the day.
This year, we’re doing ham, though, so it’ll just be turkey gravy.

6
Food / Re: am I going overboard when making my make-ahead GF gravy?
« on: November 20, 2023, 08:47:49 pm »
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I would make the stock in the pot you roasted wings and veggies in.

I roast them in a 10x10 roasting pan. I can’t boil stock in that! I figure if I transfer everything to a stockpot or extra-large saucepan, I get all the good parts anyway.

Some years, I’ve left the meat on the wings; this year I took a lot of it off.

7
Food / am I going overboard when making my make-ahead GF gravy?
« on: November 20, 2023, 08:58:06 am »
I have to be gluten free, so many years ago, I declared dibs on making the gravy. I thicken it with cornstarch instead of using a roux. And I make it ahead of time.

It always comes out good, but every time I do it, I wonder if I’ve overcomplicated it. (a little complicated is often good; it’s the “over” part)

I get turkey wings and roast them with carrots, celery and onion.

Then I remove most of the meat from the wings (for eating), and dump the bones and the roasted vegetables into a pot with liquid. There usually isn’t a lot of pan drippings, but I put those into the pot as well. My aunt long ago suggested I use chicken broth or turkey broth to make the flavor more intense.

So I boil that for a couple of hours.

Then I strain the solids out, and refrigerate (usually for timing reasons). I come back later, scrape off the fat from the top, and thicken it with cornstarch.

The part I’m wondering if I’m doing too much is the roasting of the wings and veggies.

I do this because I think it changes the flavor—darkens it, or something. I guess it’s the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maillard_reaction.

And maybe it’s overkill to use broth instead of plain water?

Though, when I poured it out of the pot tonight to strain it, that broth looked very good—dark and rich.

8
Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
« on: November 16, 2023, 03:29:44 pm »
Quote from: Hmmm on November 16, 2023, 03:20:45 pm
The one thing I highly recommend Tday hosts do is to pre-make the gravy. You can roast some turkey necks or tails or even thighs to get some fat. Then make a broth with these pieces. Create the roux with the saved fat and use the broth. Then all you need to do once the turkey is done is reheat the gravy and pour in any additional juice from the roasted bird and finish the seasoning.
I use turkey wings for this; roasting them gives you a better flavor than making the broth with them raw. I also roast a carrot, onion, and celery, and then throw them in with cicken broth to make the turkey broth.

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I take out my serving dishes and label with what it will be used for and also put the serving utensil with it. It really helps when others are trying to help with getting things to the table or buffet line.

this helped SO much when there were lots of hands helping (chaos!). And doing it a day aheadmeant I could polish the silver ladel, or make sure I had the right number of dishes.

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Have an idea where you'll put peoples' dishes that aren't being used for serving or other items like carrier bags or coolers, even if it is on top of the washing machine to get it out of the way in the kitchen.
Especially with a Friendsgiving, I think this is good advice. And I might combine it with the "labels in serving dishes" idea and label those places.

Similarly, make sure at least two other people know where those things are supposed to go when they arrive; grab someone who's not that involved int he food, and put them in charge of disseminating that info, or corralling things when they come into the house.

9
Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
« on: November 16, 2023, 03:25:54 pm »
Re: the cooler for keeping things hot.

When I hosted T-giving, one thing I realized is that I needed to let the turkey "settle" after I took it out of the oven. And I wanted to make rolls at a higher temp, etc. So there would be a gap after the turkey came out of the oven.

But I wanted the turkey to stay warm.

About 30 minutes before the turkey was to come out, I put my big cooler in the tub and filled it up with HOT water (my apt. building's hot water is about 150) and closed the lid.

After I'd taken the turkey out, as it was cooling slightly, we dumped the water out of the cooler, then lined it, bottom and sides, with two layers of terrycloth towels. I set the roasting pan on the towels and closed the lid.

It kept the turkey very warm, but it was not still cooking, really. And it was out of the way in my crowded kitchen.


10
Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
« on: November 16, 2023, 03:00:25 pm »
I agree with the recommendation for serving utensils---big spoons, serving forks, pie servers, etc. And if someone brought their own, I'd be insisting the put it back in their bag, simply to avoid having to track where it is.

I hope she can negotiate the turkey thing. My personal opinion is that if a person volunteers to host a meal like that, they should be stepping up with the turkey (or similar component). OR offering to work with someone else to cook that in their oven. Because those are hard to transport.


11
Life in General / Re: Shelf clearing and "cherry picking"
« on: November 15, 2023, 09:29:26 am »
Quote from: Aleko on November 11, 2023, 04:10:51 am

This is a farm shop, and the whole point of buying produce at a farm shop instead of a supermarket is that it is grown locally and displayed loose for you to take a paper bag and fill it with what you need, instead of buying a sealed bag containing a fixed amount

Then...people are buying what they need or want, and apparently they don't want the orange carrots. The customer is always right (when it comes to knowing what it is they want to buy).

12
Weddings / Re: Momma bear of wedding guest... With an update - Carolyn Hax
« on: November 15, 2023, 08:52:04 am »
Quote from: jpcher on November 14, 2023, 01:26:11 pm
I liked Carolyns response. Very politely and succintly put at the same time gently letting the LW that she was in the wrong.

A great example, I think, of being kind while still holding someone to account and pointing out their errors.

13
Life in General / Re: Shelf clearing and "cherry picking"
« on: November 03, 2023, 12:25:19 pm »
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The shopkeepers tell me it drives them nuts when people pick whole bagfuls of a single colour out of the bin (some people want the yellow, and at Halloween especially there’s high demand for purple) leaving their ‘medley’ at the end of the day a monochrome orange. That is antisocial, no question.

This is a case of "the customers are always right," which is supposed to end with "in matters of preference." It's supposed to mean, "people want to buy what they want to buy, and it's folly for you to tell them they should want something different."

Their customers want those flavors of carrots, and the shopkeepers are ignoring the messages the customers are sending them.

If they want to insist people buy a medley that includes orange, they should bag them together. Otherwise, maybe they should put the carrots in color-specific sections and let the few people who want the medley create their own.

Again--this is commerce. Why should people buy orange carrots when they don't want them?

14
Life in General / Re: Shelf clearing and "cherry picking"
« on: November 03, 2023, 12:21:40 pm »
I don't worry about shelf-clearing.
They're all for sale, and I'm paying.

I once took the last three boxes of a low-priced saline solution. Some guy had been standing there for a few minutes looking at the entire shelf; I'd waited down the aisle for him to finish. He didn't take anything, but he stepped back, and I was tired of waiting. So I stepped in and picked up all three.

He said, "You took them all!"
I said, "They're all for sale."

Just like your rude lady, he didn't say, "Oh, I was hoping to buy one of those"--I'd have absolutely handed him one.

But I'm not going to put up with being chastized for buying a product that is on a shelf and is for sale. That's utter bullshit.

This is not the dinner table at a social gathering, where you want to be sure everyone gets some of the food.

This is commerce, and I am a paying customer.

She was SO wrong and so rude.

As for cherry picking: I don't understand the objection to that in most places. I'm buying what I want, and not buying what I don't want.

I don't want people to open every ear of corn (thereby making those ears less likely to be purchased), but if you want to feel the top ends in order to see if they're squishy, go for it.

And when it's loose green beans or even cherries, I think people should take the risk that one or two might not be perfect, and just grab some handfuls. And if there's an item that's obviously spoiled, avoid it, or toss it to the back so no one gets it.

But I'm not going to SAY something to other people! They're entitled to buy what they want.

it's also not a "you get what you get, and you don't complain" situation like you'd have with receiving a gift, or being on a team when treats are passed out.

This is commerce. You are paying money.
You should buy what you want.
If that means there aren't things for other people to buy, that is NOT your problem.

To me this is a perfect example of people misapplying social etiquette with commerce.

15
Pets / Re: I just found out that I'm a bad cat-mom!
« on: October 31, 2023, 01:47:03 pm »
I've only now heard of it myself. I don't know that it bothered any of my previous cats; Lizzie sure seemed eager to stick her nose down inside a plastic drinking glass that sat on the bathroom sink just for her.

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