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Messages - MrsG

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1
Family and Children / Re: Gender Blending?
« on: July 09, 2018, 07:54:14 pm »
Quote from: puppylove on July 09, 2018, 06:37:52 pm
You stated the person has sociopathic tendencies, you were called out on it, and now you want to move on? May I remind you that you HAVE NEVER MET THE PERSON IN QUESTION? Seriously, who the hell are you to make declarations of someone else's mental state based on one incident? FFS.

I stated let's move because several people asked to get back to the etiquette point of things so I was doing just that. And, effectively, that's NOT what I stated. I suggest you go back and read it again. I rendered an OPINION, not a diagnosis. Big difference.  ::)Seriously, this is one of the reasons I always skipped posting over the original board. You're getting awfully testy about somebody you don't know either.  And don't worry Lady B, no diagnosing. Just opinions and after this I'm not even going to share those. Yeesh.

2
Life in General / Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
« on: July 09, 2018, 05:45:54 pm »
Seriously? Who thinks of this stuff? That article totally smacks of arrogance in my opinion. A lot of people get divorced - myself included - a lot of people have to leave w/ the clothing on their backs with kids in tow - myself included.  Like Toots said - in those situations that's when the family circles the wagons and helps the person out. If it's a situation where the person just left everything because they wanted to, not because they had no choice, then they need to purchase replaces, just like the rest of us had to.

3
Family and Children / Re: Gender Blending?
« on: July 09, 2018, 05:40:32 pm »
Quote from: Mary Sunshine Rain on July 09, 2018, 11:44:40 am
While it may be within bounds to suggest that someone's behavior seems to point to some kind of mental illness, actually diagnosing that person is unethical.  Even more so if you are a mental health practitioner.
 
Perhaps we should stick to the etiquette of the situation.

There is nothing unethical in stating an opinion. There is a huge difference between stating an opinion based on the information given and actually doing an assessment for diagnosis which was not the case here. You cannot diagnose without the pt actually being present. but you can certainly render an opinion based upon information given which is exactly what I did. Now let's move on.

4
Family and Children / Re: Gender Blending?
« on: July 09, 2018, 10:34:18 am »
Quote from: Mary Sunshine Rain on July 08, 2018, 10:31:48 pm
I think the word she may have been looking for is pathological.

No, I said sociopathic and I meant it.  No doubt there's pathological behaviors there but they're part of something bigger that may or may not ultimately be a problem for the subject in the long run, I think that's rather obvious from the description.

5
Family and Children / Re: Gender Blending?
« on: July 09, 2018, 10:32:38 am »
Quote from: puppylove on July 08, 2018, 07:59:36 pm
I think this is very well stated and completely true. That said, though, from what the OP has described I think that this might be more of a sociopathic attention-grab more than anything else. Honestly, I would ignore her and watch how things develop

Sociopathic??? I think you are way out of line. Where the hell did you get that idea?

I said sociopathic because of the OP's description of the narcissism involved with the subject. There's narcissistic personality disorder where a person thinks they're IT. Then there's the narcissism associated with sociopathic behavior where the person thinks they're brilliant, thinks their feces doesn't stink, they know that there are rules but they don't believe that they apply to them personally, they feel their persona captures and controls others so they constantly manipulate others in an attempt to maintain that control and they honestly don't see how they are perceived by others.  In the past five years alone I've had more than one patient with these presenting issues - in two different states no less. Not all behaviors are the result of drama, nor are they innocent. What the OP described does not sound innocent in the least. It sounds like the subject is appropriating terms and behaviors that has no business touching on in attempt to draw attention to herself - that is beyond histrionic and narcissistic, in my personal and professional opinion, that's sociopathic behavior that should be watched. jmo

6
Life in General / Re: Mourning rituals and customs
« on: July 08, 2018, 02:14:05 pm »
Quote from: Hmmm on July 08, 2018, 11:02:42 am
I couldn't remember if DH and I had ever discussed whether we would want the other to date or remarry. I asked him last night his opinion. "I'll be dead. What do I care?"... Pretty good example of why we've been married 25 years. Pretty much sums up my thoughts too.

My late husband had four weeks to prepare for the end and during that time he said more than once "you've stood by me through all of this, don't wait too long to get back out there", so I didn't.  ;) But then, by that point I'd also determined that I was never getting married ever again. Twice was enough. So I went out for the companionship, somebody to hang out with, there was no intention of 'finding another mate', which I know a lot of widows and widowers find hard to get around when they're moving towards getting back out there. They see it as some sort of affront to the deceased's memory, especially if they never had that conversation before the person passed on. I'm glad you had that conversation.

7
Family and Children / Re: Gender Blending?
« on: July 08, 2018, 02:09:23 pm »
Quote from: Celestia on July 07, 2018, 09:35:49 pm
I would think the best way to treat it regardless of the truth of her case is as an insignificant detail. Anytime s/he corrects you, "auntie, I'm Jack," you just smile, acknowledge it, "sorry, Jack, now let me tell you about my...".

If it's genuine, you respect the expression (even if it's out of the norm to swap pronouns on THAT much of a whim) and show you're supportive.

If it's attention-seeking, you aren't giving undue attention. It'd be a much bigger deal and much more drama to refuse and call hir identity into question.

I suspect if it's genuine, Jack/Jill will eventually get tired of having to correct people 17 times a day, and will find a way to compromise with a gender-neutral nickname or by just ignoring some misgendering. It's possible that right now it feels like the most important thing in the world to be gendered correctly at every moment, but it must get exhausting if it does change that often. Without knowing the individual, I wouldn't think attention-grabbing until a year or so had gone by and they were still doing it.

I think this is very well stated and completely true. That said, though, from what the OP has described I think that this might be more of a sociopathic attention-grab more than anything else. Honestly, I would ignore her and watch how things develop.

8
Life in General / Re: Mourning rituals and customs
« on: July 06, 2018, 11:30:13 pm »
Quote from: Jem on June 28, 2018, 12:31:13 pm
Quote from: BeagleMommy on June 28, 2018, 10:47:37 am
Apparently, you are not supposed to even consider dating until  your spouse is gone 20 years.  ???

I know quite a few "young" widows (five come immediately to mind who were in their 30s-40s when widowed), and all of them began dating soon after their husbands passed, and were remarried within two years. Every single one of these women loved their deceased husbands deeply and continue to talk about them and honor them in their daily lives. Every single one of their new husbands respect that past relationship. I think a lot of people pass judgment having never been experienced the loss of a spouse. Why on earth would someone who loved you want you to stop living just because they died?

You would be surprised the number of people who DO feel that way.  I recently had a pt pass away who told his wife she was never to remarry, she was never to date, she was his wife and even though he was gone, they were still married. Had another pt who put it into their will that should their spouse ever remarry they would lose their substantial inheritance. Had yet another who told the family they were to make sure that the living parent never remarried, it was their job to make sure that the parent honored the lost parent's memory by remaining single. Now, I've had an overwhelming number of patient widows and widowers who, like myself, began dating three to six months after their spouse's death. Some of them have even remarried (that ain't EVER happening with me, I'm done with all of that...just sayin...).  A lot of widows and widowers are also greatly affected by their support systems. If friends or relatives hound the enough about not honoring the lost loved one they won't date or will quit until 'enough time has passed' whereby it's safe to proceed.  People, as a whole, forget - or don't understand - that grief is not static. It's ever changing, ever evolving, no one stage passes fluidly into another one. One day you feel great. The next day you feel horrible. The next day you feel guilty. So on and so on. Grief is a process and people just need to let the grieving person do their job - which is to grieve their lost loved one in their own way on their own time line and if that means going to a movie with some nice guy they met at the grocery store? More power to them.

9
Life in General / Re: Arguing with the Flight Attendant
« on: July 04, 2018, 07:41:36 pm »
Quote from: Moose on June 30, 2018, 12:04:22 pm
I fly, a lot.  And since the flying isn't the destination, but the journey, I would be very upset if I missed that funeral/connecting flight/cruise ship/event because one person decided to stand, fist in the air, screaming "viva la revolucion!" and got our entire flight massively delayed or even canceled.  The thought "Oh, that person is so strong and brave!" would never even cross my mind.  Many other thoughts, none of which are permissible here, would indeed cross my mind.  Honestly, I don't really care if the FAs fawn over me like I am the Duchess of Cambridge or if they barely glance at me when they bring me my plastic cup of coke.  I just want to get to my destination on time and no part of me would thank the person who decided the airplane, before take off or during the flight, was the place to stage their coup.

This. All day long. I just want to get to where I'm going. In all honesty I'd rather not be bothered at all on a flight. Let the FA's cater to people who want to be catered to. Some of us just want to be left alone and get to where we're going with no interference.  :)

10
Family and Children / Re: "Getting Involved"
« on: July 02, 2018, 12:56:34 pm »
Quote from: TootsNYC on July 02, 2018, 12:23:15 pm
I think people sometimes react to subtle signals that others missed--and signals that they can't even really articulate or explain.

That was probably you, in that parking lot, reading signals that alarmed you. And your BF wasn't as sensitive.

You're probably right Toots - I don't work CPS but I'm definitely trained for those signals so when I see something that's "off" I'm more than likely to address it whereas he's not.  ;) He was a butcher before he retired. He's an authority on meat, not people. lol

11
Family and Children / Re: "Getting Involved"
« on: July 02, 2018, 12:11:33 pm »
Quote from: TootsNYC on July 02, 2018, 12:03:23 pm
That's interesting! Did your BF modify his opinion a little after he saw that?

I'm glad you did say something; people can use reminding that others are watching.

Yes, actually he did - a little. When he realized that the guy had actually hit the kid he made the comment that the guy was definitely out of control. He knew that it was not a good situation all the way around but understood why I felt the need to say something. I think that had we seen the guy hit his son in the parking lot, his reaction might have been different.  ;)

12
Pets / Re: What pets do you have?
« on: July 02, 2018, 11:47:44 am »
None. I had a Maine coon cat BUT she moved across the state to live with my daughter. Evidently she's served better food there. lol  :D

13
Family and Children / Re: "Getting Involved"
« on: July 02, 2018, 11:46:34 am »
Quote from: TootsNYC on July 01, 2018, 07:51:41 pm
Quote from: puppylove on July 01, 2018, 07:33:54 pm
Wasn't one of the main complaints of the original forum about how posters would jump to conclusions about an OP's relationship based on one incident?

Yes. I have a problem with those sorts of sweeping pronouncements based on something small.

It's okay, they mean well. I know him well enough to know what he's capable of (especially since my late husband was a total abusive jerk - he's nothing at all like him).  He just feels that people don't set boundaries for their children enough and, honestly, I agree. I don't think people should beat their children, but they certainly need to stop being their 'friends' and be their parent. jmo Society wouldn't have half the issues it has at the moment if parents would parent.

And we never saw this guy hit the kid. We saw him chase the kid. We knew, after the fact, that he DID, in fact, hit the kid because when we saw them in the museum later you could tell the kid had been smacked in the face.

14
Family and Children / Re: "Getting Involved"
« on: June 25, 2018, 09:06:55 pm »
Quote from: Lexophile on June 25, 2018, 02:33:19 pm
Regardless of this particular situation, I'd be concerned about what would happen if you reported this sort of behavior in an official capacity.

How would BF react if you were in a situation where you actually HAD to report someone? If he isn't supportive of your professional responsibilities, that could make for some problems down the road.

Normally the BF is very supportive of my professional responsibilities. He's actually seen me have to report somebody before within a work capacity so for him to be all about not getting involved was quite odd to me. Honestly, I think it was because we were out of our comfort zone - these were strangers. Granted, the people I work with (I have a tri-county patient zone) aren't really anybody that he knows but they're part of the communities that we frequent. He's okay with me reporting on those terms but being in a strange place with people we definitely didn't know, it totally weirded him out. I'm not sure WHY, I'm still trying to get to the bottom of that, but the fact that he got so annoyed definitely resulted in some long discussions on what is and is not acceptable behavior in public!

15
Family and Children / Re: "Getting Involved"
« on: June 25, 2018, 01:55:45 am »
Quote from: Bada on June 24, 2018, 10:34:07 pm
I think it was probably a good thing you mentioned it to the guard. It is, however, a completely separate issue from your work status as a "mandated reporter."  I've actually researched this issue in several states and it's just not true (in every state I've looked at, and I'm willing to bet darn near all of them) that your job turns you into a mandated reporter at all times and in all places for eternity. Your status as a MR comes from insider knowledge that you acquire as a teacher/mental health worker/etc. You are required to report because you have secret info that others in the general public might not have. Here you had no private knowledge and, had you chosen to do nothing, you would not have gotten in trouble with your job or the law for failing your duties as a MR (again, I have researched several states though not all. But I'd bet money on it.)

Honestly? To me it's ethical more than legal technicality.

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