Bad Manners and Brimstone

My niece (35) has been no contact for 4 years with her mom (my sister) after an argument that started about clothing sizes then turned into an argument about everything else, then with her dad because he was telling my sister what they talked about (parents still married), and I guess the extended family by default.

I understand cutting off family if needed, but I didn't think she and I had any problems. I don't know her home address, but I do know where she works. I don't expect any response from her, but I would like her to know I'm thinking of her- can I stay out of the Brimstone if I send her a card at her work address?

Additional Background- she started distancing from us after she was married, and had gone completely NC before they were married a year. I don't know how much or if any of this is due to her DH- but if there are any problems, I hope a card would let her know I'm here for her if needed.

We are working on it the best we can, especially for an event that is over 3 months away. We can either play up the excitement of something that was a bad experience and make her look forward to it, or we can just leave it alone. I'd rather the former. I personally trust my daughter will be able to handle it when the time comes. We can't predict what she will do, but as long as we make her feel good about being a guest, it's a step in the right direction. What more can we do?

SparklingIce, all you can do is coach your daughter to be the best her she can be. There's been good advice given, take what works for you and give it your best shot.

If there is going to be dancing, teach your daughter the Cha Cha slide or one of the others. Then she can join the crowd and throw down if it's played. And it will be something fun for the two of you to do at home.

How big is the puppy now? Can you recreate the pic every couple of months?

Thanks for the responses.  They all gave me something to think about.

I guess I need to have more patience. That is something I have never had in abundance.

Over the last week Mom
 had a recurrence of an UTI  where she is so confused she can't even form words.
Asked if I had heard from her husband today (Daddy had a fatal heart attack in 1997)
Called to wish my husband a Happy Birthday) she couldn't remember his name but it IS his Birthday!)
Kicked an aide due to frustration and then worried like a Kindergartner if she's be reported to social worker

Never a dull moment with her

My mom had UTI's almost non stop and she would go from a happy but confused 80-something to a cranky, evil harpy who could suddenly say the most horrible things to us. She had dysphasia, so we were used to trying to figure out what word she was trying for, but when the UTI's got bad, she was clear as a bell telling us how horrible we were. Once we figured it out, with the help of a great urologist, it was easier to head it off.

I get you Toots. My mom passed away a year ago. But she was gone before that, stuck in a bed, unable to do anything for herself. The life she was living was the kind she said she'd rather someone shoot her than be dependent on others for everything.

And it wasn't a relief that she was gone, but more of a sense of it being right, being time, if that makes sense. And for a change I didn't have to be strong. I didn't have to put on a brave face while having a conversation with her when she couldn't answer and didn't even know I was there.

Be strong if you can, but if you want to wallow in misery, go for it.

Hugs..

Thanks, folks.  You kind of confirmed what I was already thinking.

Rose Red, Morticia is a library patron who is sweetly clueless and fragile.  Because she is a local author, we do, occasionally, buy her books and allow her to set up shop at  one or another of the libraries so she can have a "Meet the Author" experience and maybe sell her books.  She has mentored a couple of aspiring poets so they could publish with the same company, but God knows, her heart is in the right place and I can't fault her for that.  She's retired, her life hasn't been a piece of cake and no one wants to take away her sense of pride in her work.  She keeps exclaiming over and over "I never thought they would keep offering to publish my books!  I'm not famous or anything!"  None of us has the heart to say "You keep paying them and they will keep offering." But obviously we think it.

KimPossible:  I love your idea!  I was already considering something along the lines of "Morticia has a unique style that will keep you guessing....."  I have seen other reviews of her work that praise without specifics and ALL of them read like that. 

Dancing Psych: I don't write reviews except on a page for the our book discussion group.  Since the book discussion group has broken up, I am able, at least, to refrain from buying multiple copies of "My Werewolf Priest Burned Me To Death and Used My Ashes on Ash Wednesday."  (That wasn't the title but it was the plot.)  She desperately wants to have a book club discuss her books and their themes with her leading the discussion.  Gotta love her enthusiasm.

Nznetty--That's a good blanket statement.  That's what I will likely try first!

You are all very helpful and I thank you!

I think I want to read this.

My company (higher ed) gives out swag to welcome employees back each year. We got 2 of those folding camp chairs, an all terrain wagon, and a rolling heavy duty cooler. All the things you'd take on vacation, except school is starting and any vacation is months away. But still nice for the future.

My son was a horrible driver. In the course of about 4 years he- totaled 2 cars, had 2 wrecks and about 3 speeding tickets. He tailgated, he brake checked, he switched lanes on a whim. When he went to defensive driving school at the ripe old age of 27 (in order to get points knocked down so his insurance wouldn't be canceled) he had an epiphany! All these years, he had been the bad driver. He had no idea that his driving wasn't "defensive driving" it was "offensive driving". 

Not only is he a better driver now, he's also a much better passenger.