Bad Manners and Brimstone

Quote from: wonderfullyanonymous on September 29, 2021, 06:41:21 pm

As an introvert, 8 have threatened to walk out of restaurants that will celebrate 5he birthday person with singing or one restaurant, that has you sit on a saddle as they sing happy birthday.

I think the letter rider needs to respect his partners wishes or he just doesn't respect his partner.

I have let family and friends know that I will walk out if there is public singing in a restaurant for my birthday. Luckily, my friends and family aren't like the selfish LW and abide by my wishes.

My sister once had a boyfriend who really didn't understand that she meant it when she said she didn't want singing on her birthday at a restaurant. So, he announced her birthday at the restaurant (I think it was a TGI Fridays - this was a long time ago) and had them sing anyway. She dumped him on the spot and walked out of the restaurant. Not taking my sister seriously is ALWAYS a bad move.

I've always kind of wondered what the waitstaff thought of that. It had to be terribly embarrassing.

Promised mandoline story:

I was slicing daikon radishes to make pickles using my new mandoline. I couldn't get the finger guard/holder to grab the radish well, so I was slicing without it, when the inevitable happened.

The blade was so sharp, I didn't realize I had cut myself until there was a flood of blood covering everything. It took forever to get the bleeding stopped well enough to see what happened (about an hour, which feels like forever when you're soaking about a paper towel with blood every 5 minutes). I'd clearly hit an artery, because there was *spurting*.

Once I could see it, I realized I had sliced off a strip about 1/4" x 1/2" off of the slide of my thumb. The inside looks like raw meat.I had to fish through the radish slices to find the strip of flesh and remove it.

Another problem? I was supposed to be cleaning out our laboratory the next day, and there's no way I could wear latex gloves over the giant bandage on my thumb, so it made the whole process more difficult.

I really hope it heals enough in the next 10 days so that I can wear gloves when I start teaching in-person labs again, finally!

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I think most reasonable people would not be so strict about a dress code that they would *require* someone to follow it, and turn away guests that don't meet their approval.

Sadly, there are plenty of unreasonable bridal couples out there. A few years ago here in the UK there was a news story about a couple who planned a Robin Hood themed wedding, and the groom fell out with his only brother, who point-blank refused to dress up as Will Scarlett with a feathered hat to be best man. (I’m with the brother, all the way.) And I had a friend who played in a part-time professional medieval music group who told me that their most lucrative but least-liked gigs were at medieval themed weddings. She said that firstly the costumes the guests wore were often embarrassingly bad - polyester monstrosities from cheap fancy-dress hire places; that even when the costumes were in themselves not bad, they wore them with modern shoes and handbags which spoiled the whole effect; and that while some guests obviously enjoyed wearing their fancy dress, others were just as clearly cringing with embarrassment. And the saddest incident of all was one occasion when they were in the reception venue getting organised and tuning up before the wedding party arrived, when two little old ladies turned up and said they were the bride’s aunts, and they had had to decline their invitations to the wedding because they couldn’t afford to hire costumes, but they would just like to have a peek at the wedding cake and the floral decorations if that could be allowed, and they promised to take themselves off before anyone came. That’s just awful. 

There is a happy medium, but it takes wit and goodwill to carry it off. My DH’s step-nephew got married, and as he and his bride had got together in Star Wars fandom and role play, and nearly all their friends were in it too, they had a themed wedding. It was actually dazzling and great fun - the bride’s mother and aunt who are embroiderers made a stunning copy of one of Padme Amidala’s state robes for a wedding dress, the rings were transported up the aisle at the appropriate moment by a mouse droid, you name it. Lots of guests dressed up (one toddler came as Chewbacca!) but nobody had to. My MIL didn’t dream of dressing up: but as she was anyway planning to wear her smart white wool jacket, DH sent off for a rank plaque and fitted it with a brooch pin, so that from a distance she was just dressed wedding-smart, but if you looked closely she was an Imperial Admiral. She kept getting saluted by guests dressed in Imperial uniforms, which bemused her slightly but she found it good fun.

Maybe the key is to have separate wedding themes and dress codes?

Wedding theme - Star Wars
Dress Code - dressy informal - theme dressing is encouraged!

Got my 2nd shot today! Am really hoping to fly down to Florida for my Dad's 85th birthday later this summer. Both of my parents have had both shots, so it should be OK. If we're lucky, my sister will be able to come, too. She's supposed to get her 1st shot soon.

As an academic, I consider it appropriate to call me Dr. F. in the classroom. That's my job, I have a Ph.D. It really kind of drives me nuts to be called Mrs. F., since I've never been married. I always say, don't call me that, that's my mom. Sometimes students respond that it was meant respectfully, and I have to wonder, why is it more respectable to be married than to have gotten a Ph.D.? It's particularly irritating when they refer to male faculty as Dr. and female faculty as Mrs. (despite both having a Ph.D.). That's happened several times, at least once, I was told being a Mrs. trumped being a Ph.D., so a married woman should be happier being called Mrs., because that was more important than the mere fact of earning a Ph.D.

Outside of the classroom, I'm happy to be called Ms. F.

I remember an old thread from eHell, where the OP's husband kept on inviting friends over at the last minute... then expecting her to do all the work of cooking and cleaning. The OP had asked her DH many times to please check with her first before inviting guests, but he kept on doing it. I recall the consensus was that next time, the OP shouldn't lift a finger to cook and clean, and put all the responsibility back on her DH. But there were a few posters who said that that would be rude to their guests - that is, it would be rude to drag the guests into the OP's and DH's personal dispute. 

At least here, the LW has the option of simply not inviting MIL over again. The poor OP from the previous thread didn't really have that option with her DH!

Did we ever get a resolution to that one?

I think you should submit this question to Ask a Manager. Allison will be able to come up with some phrases to use, and will know for sure how close they're getting to illegality. I think, pretty close. They have to pay you for your time, and that includes checking their discord channel.