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Messages - AtHomeRose

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Guests bringing home leftovers . . .
« on: January 09, 2025, 03:22:13 pm »
Without more details I just can’t think of Nancy and Otto as rude, I think this is a case of the style of the meal (whole Cornish hens) being one where guests didn’t have much choice in portions size.

Was all of the food Nancy and Otto took home on their plates while they were eating?

The way I read the original post that seems to be the case. Otto was served a Hen and whatever was left of the sides. Meaning he was given the last Hen and all of the side still left when he got there. If Nancy only took home the food on their plates, that is not at all rude. Food on a plate that a guest is eating from will go in the trash if not taken by the guest. I have never heard or seen a host pick uneaten food off of a guest’s plate. I get you might for your own plate or maybe even your kids plates, but not for a guest’s plate. 

I can see why Nancy thought it best to take the uneaten food from their own plates home and not just throw it is the trash.

It also sounds like some folks are also faulting Otto for taking more than he could eat, but was he offered a smaller part of the Hen before being served the whole Hen? If there wasn’t an easy or obvious way to take only a small part of the Hen then I can’t fault him for his potion size.

If you want to serve this meal to guests outside your household in the future you might want to half the Hens to serve.  That way if folks are still hungry, they can get a second half but if not, you can keep those halves for your own use later.

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Family and Children / Re: Little private party in the kitchen
« on: July 19, 2019, 06:50:26 am »
I don’t mean for this to sound rude but how else do you think food is going to get prepared unless people are in the kitchen preparing it? Maybe next time there is a dinner party you and your father-in-law should plan, cook and prepare all of the food so your wife and mother-in-law can just sit in the lounge and hangout with the guests.
 
What they are doing in not at all rude, someone has to prepare the food for the dinner, and they are allowed to have a good time while they do it.

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Weddings / Re: Cancel or take your chances? Update #45
« on: January 13, 2019, 01:39:14 pm »
I think it is very unfair to criticize the fact that the friend did not write the thank you note. It is not rude or a slight to have either half of the couple write the note regardless what “side” the gift came from. We don’t know how the couple divided up thank you notes, maybe the groom wrote all the notes because that was a task he agreed to be in charge of, maybe they divided the thank you note list down the middle alphabetically so they each had the same number of notes to write,  maybe the groom penned the note as the bride dictated what to write. All of these are strategies I have known couples to use.

I can see being disappointed in how generic the note was, however even that seem like looking for something to criticize. “Thank you for ‘gift’ we will enjoy it for a long time” is pretty accepted thank you note format and not something to take offence at.

I do think once they found the miss spelled name they should have re-written the note, so the cross-out is sloppy but in my mind a minor faux pas.

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: When would you arrive?
« on: November 26, 2018, 03:53:35 pm »
Quote from: Jem on November 25, 2018, 08:52:17 pm
Quote from: AtHomeRose on November 25, 2018, 07:46:00 pm
Quote from: Jem on November 25, 2018, 06:09:54 pm
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between 1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac & Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare and serve.

When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45 minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?

There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1 and 2. A range is not a specific meal time.

I think it would be appropriate to show up at 2:00 to an invitation worded like this because when I have used this wording or received an invitation with this wording it has meant we would sit down to eat when all the guest where there and the food was ready between 1 and 2. That means I can get there at 2 and still be on time to sit down and eat.

I don’t understand why you would think this? The invitation made it clear that the meal would be served possibly at 1:00, but between 1:00 and 2:00. Why would you show up at 2:00?

I am telling you I think this BECAUSE when I have used this wording in an invitation, I have meant food will be served when all the guest are here and food is ready between the two times I listed on the invitation. It is also what has been meant when my group of friends and family use this wording in an invitation. I think it because that is what I mean when I say it, I would not consider guests arriving to my meal at 2 late.

It is obviously not your interpretation of the wording and it is clearly not what Humm wanted to communicate with the invitation, but it is the interpretation I and the people I socialize with would make.

I think the take away message is when you want people there by a specific time give a specific time. If you are not comfortable listing a specific meal time (and fair enough cooking a large meal you only cook once a year can be daunting with exact timing) give a specific arrival time. If Hmmm’s original text had said “We are looking forward to seeing everyone for Thanksgiving, please arrive by 1:00, but feel free to come as early as noon”. I don’t think there would be any confutation or argument that those arriving at 2 are rude. But if you list a time range you are going to get different interpretations and people showing up at the end of the range thinking/feeling they are on time.

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: When would you arrive?
« on: November 25, 2018, 07:46:00 pm »
Quote from: Jem on November 25, 2018, 06:09:54 pm
I am struggling to understand how people are thinking showing up at 2:00 is appropriate given the “dinner will be served between 1:00 and 2:00.” This isn’t a breakfast buffet at a hotel serving from 6:00-8:00 am. This is a gathering of friend and family and the host specifically said dinner would be served starting at some point BETWEEN one and two. There was a specific meal time provided. I am not a cook, but I know enough to grasp that especially for certain types of meals and certainly for large groups of people one cannot always pinpoint exactly when dinner will be ready to be served. But this likely isn’t box Mac & Cheese where you know it will take about 8 minutes to prepare and serve.

When people go to a restaurant surely they grasp that their meals may be to the table in 10 minutes or perhaps closer to 45 minutes depending on the type of restaurant and what they order?

There was not a specific meal time. You can argue about interpretation and meaning and what the guests should have known or understood but the OP said she gave a time range, between 1 and 2. A range is not a specific meal time.

I think it would be appropriate to show up at 2:00 to an invitation worded like this because when I have used this wording or received an invitation with this wording it has meant we would sit down to eat when all the guest where there and the food was ready between 1 and 2. That means I can get there at 2 and still be on time to sit down and eat.

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: When would you arrive?
« on: November 25, 2018, 06:01:51 pm »
Quote from: Hmmm on November 25, 2018, 02:21:28 pm
Thanks, all. It was interesting to read how other's interpreted the invitation. To answer a couple of questions:

-I gave a "come anytime after" time because I've had family and friends show up way earlier than I wanted, so I've started giving a time when I'll be ready for people to arrive. If I said lunch was at 1, they'd be at my door at 11am with appetizers and ready to visit.

-Serving between 1 and 2 meant that we would be aiming for the food to be ready within that hour time frame and for the meal to commence. With turkeys and large meals it is sometimes hard to say we will be eating at 1 and the meal not actually be ready till 1:30.

-It never dawned on my that any of them would plan to arrive at the last minute, especially if bringing appetizers. Even if they weren't and they thought the meal would be held for them till 2pm, why plan to arrive at 2 when that's the last possible time the meal would be served? We normally have lots of socializing prior to the meal.

I use the "come anytime after" wording a lot too but I always set a specific meal time if I am having a sit down meal where it matters if people are there on time. Giving the range 1-2 is the problem, not the "anytime after"

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: When would you arrive?
« on: November 25, 2018, 05:55:11 pm »
Quote from: Jem on November 25, 2018, 12:41:49 pm
Quote from: GreenBird on November 25, 2018, 11:58:09 am
I think your invitation wording was confusing - why would you say "arrive anytime after 12:00" when what you actually mean is, "be here by 1:00"?   
I actually think your wording did reasonably imply there was leeway to show up at 2:00 - the dinner time was flexible between 1:00 and 2:00, and "arrive anytime" makes it sound like you'd wait until 2:00 if people weren't there yet.  Maybe next time just say outright when you want people to arrive so there's less confusion.

When my family uses similar phrasing we do NOT mean “be here by one.” We mean, “the meal will be served as early as one. Arrive before one, but after noon.” If the meal is actually delayed until closer to two, we’ll, okay, but the goal is not to show-up-eat-leave. It is to socialize and enjoy a meal.

I agree with GreenBird the wording is ambiguous. When my friends and family use these kinds of phrases we mean an arrival time between 1-2 is what is expected. As for the socialization aspect, my expectation is most socialization happens after the meal. Before the meal the host is often busy prepping and in the kitchen. I might show up early to visit with other guests, or expect to hangout in the kitchen and see if I can lend a hand, if I am not up for that I will show up at the specified meal time and then expect to visit with my host and other guests after we eat.

Thinking others are rude for misinterpreting an ambiguous time request feels unkind. Is it frustrating to be misunderstand sure, I don't blame a host for feeling frustrated but that does not mean the other people who did not correctly intemperate the hosts meaning did anything rude. When sending an invitation to a mixed group, friends, in-laws, family you need to be specific on time if you want people to show up at that time.

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: When would you arrive?
« on: November 25, 2018, 12:10:19 pm »
Quote from: Jem on November 25, 2018, 11:13:36 am

You would consider yourself “on time” when the invitation said the meal would be SERVED between one and two? This is strange to me. I would consider myself LATE arriving at one. The invitation said to arrive any time after noon which means social time so people can sit down and be ready to eat as early as 1:00. Arriving at 2:00 is extremely rude and late, in my opinion.

Yes, I would consider myself on time arriving at 2:00 given the original invitation. My interpretation of the wording is food could first be coming out between 1-2 and we would sit down to eat at 2 or when everyone was there and food was ready. The invitation to come early would be for EXTRA social time not for the only social time and not for eating time.

I understand that is not how everyone on here interprets the invitation wording or how the OP meant for the invitation to be interpreted, that is why I think it is a communication fail. If you want people there at a specific time don’t give a time range, give the time you want them there. If you want people there at 1 to eat say “We will be sitting down to eat at 1:00, feel free to come any time after noon”. Saying they can get there early is fine but that is if they want to be early, and no one should be considered late if they don’t get there early for extra time.

The second message was not really clearer as it still says food will first come out between 1 and 2 but then we need to be done by 3.  That would have really confused me and I would have followed up to see what the real timing was. 

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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: When would you arrive?
« on: November 25, 2018, 10:47:35 am »
Given the wording of your first message I would have arrived anytime between noon and two and felt I was on time. What time I actually get there would depend on what else I had going on that morning and how I felt, if I got a call before two asking where I was I would be a bit surprised thinking I am not late yet. I think you were off in your first invitation, if you wanted people there at 1:00 invite them at 1:00. Don’t give a time range when you want them there at a specific time.

Now your second message would have had me scratching my head, an hour for Thanksgiving (only 2-3) is unheard of in our family so I would have had to call to clarify what time I was expected to arrive. But that would be me following up not me knowing what time to get there from your original invitation.

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Life in General / Re: Tipping question: movers
« on: November 14, 2018, 08:39:17 pm »
It depends on what type of movers are you using. I have had three different types of movers.

I have used what I think of as independent movers for small jobs, these guys own their own business, set their own prices and I have always paid them directly (cash or check) when the job is done. I do not tip this kind of mover.

I have also had corporate movers, these are large multi-state or even international moving companies that I or the company I work for hired for large moves, the people actually moving stuff are hourly wage earners and I have always tipped them. I usually figure $10-$20 per hour per person.

The third type of mover I used recently for a large but short move, I got them through Uhaul but they were a semi-independent group. I think there was an owner but they were local and he hired guys to load and unload trucks. I was really unsure what to do but had cash on hand. In the end the two guys did a great job much quicker than expected so I gave each guy $40 and wrote them a good review. 

I would have some cash on hand so you can tip if it feels right in the moment.

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Family and Children / Re: To invite or not.
« on: November 13, 2018, 11:55:09 am »
To me it sounds like Lole was invited to Klyn’s party just not in a way that was Lole’s mom was comfortable with. I can understand that depending on how young the kids are I might not trust a verbal invitation, but some parents are ok with them. I do think that if the kids are too young to be trusted on a verbal invitation they are also too young to be trusted to follow up on a paper invitation request, I think this might be a Mom mistake rather than the kids fault.

With that, the upset-ness that Lole might be feeling toward Klyn seems miss places  and all other things being equal Klyn should be invited to the party. 

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The Work Day / Re: Babies at conferences?
« on: November 05, 2018, 07:37:08 pm »
Quote from: Anon4Now on November 05, 2018, 05:57:45 pm
Conference organizers are running a business. Presumably they allow babies because it increases their attendance, or is good PR for the organization which they hope will lead to more membership or attendance in the future.

Parents' career choices are their own to manage. If they pay a professional price for bringing children, they are adults and can do that risk/benefit calculation on an individual basis.

Disgruntled attendees who think an unauthorized baby has been smuggled in can complain to an on-site rep and ask for the child to be removed.

If they think a policy allowing babies is wrong, they can complain to the organizers, ask for a refund, refuse to attend the next year, gather a group to file a joint complaint, or any combination thereof. In business, you vote with your dollars.

Optional on-site childcare would be a good thing in many cases,  but I should think the costs of insurance  and local regulations or certification requirements might make it impractical.  You can't just book an extra conference room and declare it a daycare for  the day - many locales require specific configurations, amounts of space per child, child/caregiver ratios, site inspections, outside playspace, and so forth.

If a conference allows parents to bring babies, it is not rude for them to do so.

Interesting take on conferences as a business and voting with your dollar. I have never run a For-Profit conference and never heard of one for my field. The conferences I have been involved with are put on by the professional society for its member and others wanting to access the specialties of the members. It has always been about supporting the maximum amount of members and encouraging diversity and growth in our field, not about making money (you don't want to run in the red but other than that money is not the goal).

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The Work Day / Re: Babies at conferences?
« on: November 05, 2018, 07:29:54 pm »
Quote from: Jem on November 05, 2018, 03:30:19 pm

I don't think it is realistic to expect that a woman could exclusively nurse her child and not pump while at work for any length of time. Unless the mother worked from home, she would need to have her baby with her while at work, which frankly seems like way too much to ask of any employer. I exclusively breastfed my daughter for the three months I was on maternity leave, and then nursed/pumped until she was a year old. My company allowed me breaks to pump, but I would not have dreamed of announcing that I wanted to exclusively breastfeed my child so I should be allowed to have her with me at all times while at work. I think if a woman wants to exclusively breastfeed and not pump, she can certainly make that choice, but I think it would be unreasonable to expect this to not affect her job.

You might not think it is realistic but those are the reasons I have actually encountered. I guess I assumed some of these folks if not most or all are on maternity leave or are working from home for a certain period of time (not at all unusual for my profession) but still want to maintain their careers during that time. I have not asked as it seemed irrelevant to letting them bring an infant to our conference.

I did quite a few career things while on maternity leave, there are certain annual thing that are expected if you want to keep relevant and I did them to maintain my career. 

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The Work Day / Re: Babies at conferences?
« on: November 05, 2018, 03:05:21 pm »
Quote from: Hmmm on November 05, 2018, 12:43:20 pm
But why does the child have to go with the mom to the conference? Why can't she find alternative care for the day? I know if the conference was so important to my career, I would not have wanted to be distracted by taking care of a 6 month old and having to miss important parts of the conference.

I'm not saying that there are circumstances that require a child to be around a business environment for a short period. When my now 24 year old was 6 weeks, I was still on leave but my company really needed me to attend a meeting. I brought her in with me for the 2 hour meeting. But that was with 6 other people and I was doing them a favor. Not a full day conference.

Lots of reasons. Exclusively breastfeed babies, Moms who can't pump, babies who can't take bottles, single parents who are trying to keep their careers, these are a few of the ones I have run into, I am sure there are more.

I understand the idea that you are going to miss out on some career opportunities because of kids, but I don't think we should just shrug our shoulders as say "That is the price you pay". I think all fields need to work to make having kids less of a career killer for women. Otherwise we lose out on brilliant, creative, dedicated workers. An infant being allowed at a conference seems like low hanging fruit to make that opportunities still available to a few new parents in that situation.
 

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The Work Day / Re: Babies at conferences?
« on: November 05, 2018, 08:16:36 am »
I think this is completely up to the conference organizers. I have helped organize conferences for the professional societies I belong to and have been please that welcoming infants under a certain age is a growing trend in my professional sphere. I think one of the reasons for this is we have a growing leadership of mid-career women who remember the fear of missing those one or two professional development conferences a year because of having infants too young to be left.

As an organizer I understand that this might annoy some participants, but we have always come down on the side that the benefit of keeping these women fully involved in the society and career far out way the slight annoyance of a coo or cry during a presentation. At a conference of 500 or so we have never had more than one to three parents need to bring an infant. And our participants have always been good about removing little ones who did not quite quickly. We also set up a separate room with video and audio feed for those who had special needs, visual impairment, hearing needs, mobility issues and moms with nursing infants.

I don’t think there is any unprofessional, entitled or rude about bringing an infant to a conference if the organizers have ok it. One time we had a key note speaker bring her nursing infant daughter, I think it was wonderful, showing you could be a fully involved Mom and still make great contributions to our field. 

I keep using Moms/Women because they are still the ones who make most of the career sacrifices for kids but we did have a Dad bring an infant one time, so it is equal opportunity assistance. 

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