I had a similar thing happen on my 23rd birthday, my parents called me up and wanted me to 'Come meet them at a restaurant for dinner!" I'd been up all night with my 1 year old, he'd had a sniffle. Got us both cleaned up and over to the restaurant, 1st hubby met us there from work.
Next thing I know, I have a sombrero on my head, whipped cream on my nose, and the Happy Birthday song is being sung. Cranky overtired toddler on lap, smelling like spit up and all. I am an introvert and am miserable with such things at the best of times, which this clearly was not, nevermind I had never cared for the restaurant in question to begin with. Somewhere there is a Polaroid of me looking remarkably like Yzma from Emperor's New Groove.
I refused to go anywhere near a restaurant, or anywhere else I could be surprised with my parents during my birth month for the next 10 years. My parents did nothing but moan about how ungrateful I was for not enjoying the 'nice party" we'd had, and how I was a "grumpy grouch" for pointing out that if they'd wanted to do something nice for *me*, they could have brought me takeout at home and helped me console my sick baby instead.
I would point out that doing people's dishes and vaccuuming is a fine (and inexpensive!) present. They even said grumpy grouch in baby talk.
Point is I agree wholeheartedly with Miss Manners. The birthday should be planned with the birthday person in mind. Yeesh, is it so hard to be considerate?