Author Topic: Funny Posts from Elsewhere  (Read 3527 times)

Pattycake

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Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« on: September 13, 2018, 08:51:18 pm »
I just came across these two, linked from elsewhere, that are just hilarious. Please feel free (actually, I insist!) to post links to your favorites from other places.

from r/tifu


from r/tifu

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Chez Miriam

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Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2018, 02:44:06 pm »
Don't be drinking juice whilst you read those (esp the second one)! ;D

How about an 'oldie but goldie' from last year: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich
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jpcher

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Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2018, 04:22:42 pm »
^ I saw that one a while ago . . . too funny! ;D

Pattycake

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Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2018, 05:57:41 pm »
Oh my, I had forgotten about that one!! I am always astonished at how... weird people are!

cabbageweevil

Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2018, 08:29:55 am »
One from an "everything under the sun" board, which it calls "The Stupid Joke Thread" -- and boy, are they ever.  Hope link, below, succeeds -- I seem often to have linking problems.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=862372

A couple of examples --


Q.  What do you call a female pig?

A.  A sow.

Q.  What do you call a male deer?

A.  A buck.

Q.  What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

A.  A hundred sows and [thousand] bucks.



I have a confession: I never learnt the entire alphabet.  I don't know Why.

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andicatt

Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2018, 01:41:25 pm »
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Chez Miriam

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Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2018, 01:44:23 pm »
This one cracks me up every time....
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851

I've never seen that before - thank you so much for posting!
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

Pattycake

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Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2018, 03:42:59 pm »
This one cracks me up every time....
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851

I've never seen that before - thank you so much for posting!

Me either! That was HILARIOUS! He's a good writer, and oh boy, I was actually laughing out loud at the end.

Rain

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Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2018, 08:04:52 pm »
Oh, the tears streaming down my face

LadyJulian

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peony

Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2018, 09:21:19 pm »
This is possibly one of the funniest thing I've ever read online:

https://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html 

(Edited to add "one of," after reading about the squirrel!)
« Last Edit: November 02, 2018, 09:28:15 pm by peony »
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Pattycake

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Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #11 on: November 02, 2018, 09:54:03 pm »
This is possibly one of the funniest thing I've ever read online:

https://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html 

(Edited to add "one of," after reading about the squirrel!)

I forgot about that one! And oddly, that seems to be the last thing that person ever wrote on that blog.

wonderfullyanonymous

Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2018, 08:00:17 am »
Dug this one out of my e-mail...


Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named

FRANK, who was visiting Texas:

Recently I was honored to be selected as an

outstanding Famous celebrity in

Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no

one else wanted to do

it. Also the original person called in sick at the

last moment, and I

happened to be standing there at the judge's table

asking directions to the

beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the

other two judges (Native

Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy,

and besides they told me I

could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chilli # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy smokes, what the hell is this stuff? You

could remove dried paint

from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to

put the flames out. Hope

that's the worst one. These hicks are crazy.

Chilli # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue)? with a hint of pork.

Slight jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers

to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not

sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave

off two people who wanted to give me the

Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the

beer line.

Chilli # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

(editors note.....anybody

who knows beans about Texas chili knows that chili

dont have beans)

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick.

Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use

of red peppers.

FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've

located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been

snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by

now and got out of my way so I could make it to the

beer wagon. Sally, the 6'2" blonde barmaid, pounded

me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part

of my chest.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.

Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish

for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue,

but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was

standing behind me with fresh refills so I

wouldn't have to dash over to see her.

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers

freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more

tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer

focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.

The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had

given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer

directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of

irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili.

Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers,

onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled

with gaseous flames. No

one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance

on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in

canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note

that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears

to be in a bit of distress.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull

the pin, and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight

in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made

of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili

which slid unnoticed out

of my mouth at some point. Good! At autopsy they'll

know what killed me. I've

decided to stop breathing, it's too painful, and I'm

not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just

suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend

chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to

declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither

mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge

Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.

FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was

unable to respond)
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Gardensgrey

Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2018, 05:28:35 pm »
My faves:












Gardensgrey

Re: Funny Posts from Elsewhere
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2018, 05:38:01 pm »
Added: for some reason, this posted the actual videos instead of just the links. Unable to alter or remove this...Mods, please remove if this is not allowed.