Bad Manners and Brimstone

Frankly, I'm quite appalled that the doctor and nurse weren't wearing masks, especially given the age of your relative's father.   I can't imagine what they were thinking?

As for the neighbor, given what he posts on line about doing what HE'S comfortable with, I would suspect your relative is right.   I think he was just trying to get her attention by deliberately confronting her at close range in her own yard without a mask.   He sounds like a real jerk and if he ever comes anywhere near her again, I think she should just immediately wheel around and walk away.   No need to be polite.

I've only been out away from my house and yard a few times shopping.  So I haven't thought what I'd do if someone violated the 6 foot rule.  I'd probably just move away and not worry about being rude.  When it comes to my health I'm not going to worry about being rude.  I don't think I will speak to the person because I've heard about people harming others who are only trying to stay safe, or, are just trying to carry out the rules dictated by their employers.

Quote from: gramma dishes on May 20, 2020, 03:00:54 pm

Frankly, I'm quite appalled that the doctor and nurse weren't wearing masks, especially given the age of your relative's father.   I can't imagine what they were thinking?

As for the neighbor, given what he posts on line about doing what HE'S comfortable with, I would suspect your relative is right.   I think he was just trying to get her attention by deliberately confronting her at close range in her own yard without a mask.   He sounds like a real jerk and if he ever comes anywhere near her again, I think she should just immediately wheel around and walk away.   No need to be polite.

The no mask on dr and nurse surprise me too. She could contact a director at the clinic and mention her concerns to them.

As for her neighbor, she should have asked him to back up, stating health concerns. If he starts on how it's all fake, blah blah blah. That's fine for you, but I prefer not to take any chances, so you may go back to your yard now, thank you.

"My yard, my choice--you do respect the rights of property owners, right?"

(FWIW, relative felt like the neighbor was being surface friendly, but trying to provoke her because he's never come over and his online posts are all about how he's going to "do him.")

What does this mean? I agree with the poster above who noted that the relative essentially attributes malice where it was not at all clear that it was intended. Had the relative asked the neighbor to back away and he refused? Different story. But that’s not what happened.

I find myself interacting with my neighbors far more than usual - even ones I have never seen before this situation - simply because people are home more and outside more. I personally keep distant, and from what I have seen most everyone in my area is also, but I don’t find it odd to be friendly toward a neighbor I didn’t previously interact with.

To answer a couple questions, culturally, this relative hasn't been raised to speak up or appropriately assert herself. Hence the worry that her father would be upset if she upset the doctor.

I can appreciate wondering why she'd ascribe motive to the neighbor. I'm not sure what others' areas are like, but ours is becoming pretty divisive around this issue and somehow it's become politicized. Based on how her neighbor is presenting and talking, I can understand how she'd come to that conclusion. He's actively stating he's not going to socially distance and is posting in a way that could reasonably lead one to the conclusion that he's intentionally instigating her.

I liked the perspective that people are speaking more to their neighbors and that's a nice, generous position. Personally, if someone hasn't spoken to me, ever, and then they get into my personal space (which is now a six foot radius), it's going to feel aggressive. Not neighborly. That's why I'm planning what I'm going to say now. Before it happens.

To the explanation giving. Personally, I'd like to not give one and use "I'm keeping my distance." (Thanks lakey.) Giving an explanation is deference to my husband's strong preference to give an explanation. While we walked tonight, we were discussing what happened to cousin and, going back to church and I used the "I'm keeping distance" without the explanation to see if he'd still mention that there needs to be an explanation. He did.

I explored the explanation giving with him and, I'm paraphrasing, he said "You have to give one because they expect it." (I felt like saying, "I expect them to stay out of my space," (cue the Stones) "You can't always get what you want." I didn't say (or sing!) that.)

I said, "Why meet that expectation?" He expounded a little and I got down to seeing it as a bit of a litmus test. (For this situation anyway.) So if you say, "I'm keeping my distance, my family is high risk," and they don't step back or get closer than they weren't just someone who was clueless and not maintaining distance, they're someone who doesn't care about your feelings or your health. Now, you can escalate the situation to something firmer.

My plan is to start with the limit and put the expectation after it, because, IMO, time is of the essence and I want the person to stop first and hear the explanation second. When we're walking, we've been able to cross the street and even do a quick jog to avoid people. I'm concerned that we'll be approached where we don't have a quick out and I want to be ready with some quick responses on which hubby and I have consensus. Because I'd like to cue the Meatloaf and sing, "Stop right there!" and leave it at that.

Mr. S has been doing the weekly grocery shopping. He said last time that there he was waiting for his turn as a woman was standing looking at the bread shelves and a guy came up behind her and reached over/around her to grab a loaf, such that his face was right beside her head. She didn't say anything. Even in non-Covid times, I'm pretty sure my elbow would have come up without even thinking. Now, I'd be very loudly saying 'get away from me'.

When I have been out (mostly just walks in my neighbourhood) people have been good. If anyone has been blocking the sidewalk or something, it's been distraction. Looking at their phone, usually. An 'excuse me' and they are quick to move.

the likelihood of encountering someone with the virus is HIGHLY variable based on where you live.

And some of the wearing of masks and keeping your distance has now moved from science and public health, and into etiquette.

If you don't honor those sorts of measures, you run a very high risk of sending the message that you are inconsiderate and selfish. Much like not saying "please" or "thank you" or covering your mouth when you cough.