Bad Manners and Brimstone

I used to host family dinners for about 35-40 people twice a year. One was the turkey dinner and the other a grilled picnic luncheon. A niece always asked for a peanut butter sandwich and my SIL let her get away with it, so I just went along with it. My saying, "No" wouldn’t have done any good and just stir things up. Years later, she apologized to me about that and thanked me for complying.

Our son was about six and and I told  him if didn’t eat 10 peas he couldn’t leave the table. He sat at the table until bedtime. He is now a very opinionated and stubborn 50 year old. I know that is not the way to get a child to eat now according to experts.

I loathed peas as a child. It actually turned out that I'm allergic to them.

I've noticed in recent years that parents are almost training their children to be picky eaters. When it's getting on towards dinner time, the parent asks the child "What do you want for dinner? " . The  child states his /her choice as if from a menu eg Macdonalds!!!  When the answer is NO then a tantrum ensues because , from the child's point of view, "You asked me what I wanted, I told you, and now you say no! "

Parents need to lead their children, not follow.

Sure, this may be true in some circumstances but I don't agree with the generalizations. My twins have severe reflux and will vomit uncontrollably if their stomachs get too empty. So telling them to eat what they given or get nothing doesn't work in our house. They get to pick their own meals and snacks but they have always been adventurous and healthy eaters and the meals/snacks they pick are almost always healthy and balanced. They know that they can't demand candy or junk food and get away with it. But they eat enough meals of quinoa, veggies, and fruit that if they ask for the occasional pizza delivery, we rarely say no.

When I was growing up, my parents had only one rule about trying foods.  We didn't have to try anything, not even one taste, if we didn't want to (not that we would be given something else special, we just had to make do with the other things on the table).  There was only one exception: if you said "Yuck!" or anything else disparaging about something that was being served, you had to eat a whole, good sized portion of it.  No appeal, either, because it was your own fault -- you wouldn't have even have had to have one bite if you'd been polite. 

My big brother broke the rule (blueberry pie) and got that consequence exactly once.  I witnessed it, so I never did.

My husband and I had the Yuck Rule with our kids, too, and I don't think either of them ever broke it, and they are glad they learned the rule about not disparaging what others are eating (not to mention insulting the cook/host).  Neither is or was a picky eater.  When we last discussed this, some posters said that they felt it was wrong to force the child to eat the portion of the food they'd yucked, and some to not insisting on trying a bite, but neither seemed to lead to any eating disorders or pickiness in our family.  My brother still won't eat blueberry pie, but he doesn't like blueberries anyway, so I don't think it's that he is still traumatized more than 50 years later.

Children love to cheer, "Yuck to [chocolate cake, e.g.]!" to their favorite foods to "have to" eat it.  They all think they came up with it on their own.

I've just remembered one from my childhood.

When I was about seven, my primary school teacher - who was friends with my mother - was talking to Mum and made some disparaging comment about me being a fussy eater.

Mum was well aware that I ate everything at home and also didn't like other adults insulting me - that was her job - so she immediately called her on this and asked her to explain.

My teacher, obviously not expecting to be challenged, stammered a bit and finally admitted that I was refusing to eat rice pudding and custard. Just those things. Of course, primary school dinners generally involved one or the other for dessert.

Mum told her that she didn't like rice pudding or custard either and coolly suggested that if I was eating everything else they should count their blessings and leave me to it.

I've just remembered one from my childhood.

When I was about seven, my primary school teacher - who was friends with my mother - was talking to Mum and made some disparaging comment about me being a fussy eater.

Mum was well aware that I ate everything at home and also didn't like other adults insulting me - that was her job - so she immediately called her on this and asked her to explain.

My teacher, obviously not expecting to be challenged, stammered a bit and finally admitted that I was refusing to eat rice pudding and custard. Just those things. Of course, primary school dinners generally involved one or the other for dessert.

Mum told her that she didn't like rice pudding or custard either and coolly suggested that if I was eating everything else they should count their blessings and leave me to it.

Ha. That reminded me of a girl scout mother who told my mom I was "difficult" because I never wanted one of the jello pudding snacks (back then they were in cans) that were supposed to be our snack at the meetings. I didn't ask for anything else but she claimed it made the other girls uncomfortable to eat in front of me. No it didn't. They usually fought over who got mine.   

There was also the meal on a vacation trip when I had an audience for my appetizer.  I was five and kneeling on a stack of telephone books while eating a shrimp cocktail with a fork in my fist.  I’m told that members of the waitstaff stood around the table to observe this phenomenon.

In the old board, a poster wrote about a similar experience except it was oysters. The waiters or other customers brought her another plate because they were so impressed.

Stories like this always amuse me. I didn't grow up in the US and seafood, including oysters, clams, squid, and snails were a treat to us as children. Funny how I don't eat them now as an adult.

My teacher, obviously not expecting to be challenged, stammered a bit and finally admitted that I was refusing to eat rice pudding and custard. Just those things. Of course, primary school dinners generally involved one or the other for dessert.

Mum told her that she didn't like rice pudding or custard either and coolly suggested that if I was eating everything else they should count their blessings and leave me to it.

IME so many things kids are "picky" about are more about texture than anything else - rice pudding and custard being the perfect examples!  I love rice pudding now but when I was a kid the texture was so off putting I quickly learned to say "no thank you" (and in my life there was much less pushback on politely declining a dessert/snack than a "mealtime" food.) Still not a fan of custard or flan though!

Quote from: Lilipons on October 09, 2020, 10:25:27 am

I was the opposite of a picky eater.  It started at a very young age.  Roman Catholics practice infant baptism and the younger the better.  Part of the ritual includes putting a grain of salt on the baby’s tongue to symbolize that there will be unpleasant experiences in life.  Usually, the baby wails when it tastes the salt.  According to my mother, I just opened my eyes a little wider and appeared to think about the possibilities.

There was also the meal on a vacation trip when I had an audience for my appetizer.  I was five and kneeling on a stack of telephone books while eating a shrimp cocktail with a fork in my fist.  I’m told that members of the waitstaff stood around the table to observe this phenomenon.

An audience for your appetizer?  Interesting.  What did the audience taste like?

Like chicken, of course!