Author Topic: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info online  (Read 1247 times)

Hanna

Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info online
« on: February 16, 2020, 10:33:40 am »
DH was googling to find the name of a company where a former coworker, Alex, works.  They are more than acquaintances but don't talk frequently.  They have nown each other 10 years. Went through the hard times together - divorce, raising teens, etc.  Not close now but have lunch or drinks out occasionally, usually with a group and if we have a big party Alex is invited.

By just searching friends name DH found his kids' youtube channels on page 1 of results, front and center was a video his DD made talking about having been assaulted and never telling anyone.  Sounds like it was made for Mental Health Awareness Month.

His inclination and mine is that this is not our business to pass along.  But we both agree we would want to know if it was our child.

What are your thoughts?

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter


Copper Horsewoman

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 204
  • Location: Illinois Wisconsin border, USA
    • View Profile

  • Badges: (View All)
    Second year Anniversary Level 3 100 Posts
How old is this child? If an adult, BYOB. If a minor, I would mention, in a general way, that monitoring ones' children's online presence is a good idea. If then caught out, admit that you ran across it while searching for something else. (Certainly true!)
Like Like x 1 View List

Jem

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1032
  • Truly, Truly, Truly Outrageous!
    • View Profile

  • Badges: (View All)
    1000 Posts Fourth year Anniversary Third year Anniversary
I would stay out of it. It isn’t your DH’s information to share. The daughter has reached out as she feels comfortable. I would hate for your DH’s well meaning comments to cause additional pain for her.
Agree Agree x 10 Disagree Disagree x 1 View List

Hanna

She’s college age. I agree with you JEM
Like Like x 1 View List

SioCat

If it were my child, I’d like them to tell me when they were comfortable and ready.
Like Like x 2 Agree Agree x 2 Winner Winner x 1 View List

Isisnin

Hopefully the daughter told her parents before she discussed it on Youtube.

And most probably people have already told the parents. How old the video?

I agree with you Hanna and your husband. The information is not yours to pass on.

Agree Agree x 2 View List

Rose Red

Hopefully the daughter told her parents before she discussed it on Youtube.

I was thinking the same thing. Since it's for an awareness message in such a public website, Alex may already know about his children's channels.
Agree Agree x 2 View List

Winterlight

I wouldn't bring it up. If Alex is aware, it's going to be hard to talk about. If he's not aware, then DH bringing it up will be awkward as heck.

Also, "I never told anyone" may mean that she didn't tell at the time it happened.
Agree Agree x 3 View List

Hanna

I don't know why we didn't think about her having told him when the video was posted.

I hope that is the case. 

Thanks everyone.
Like Like x 1 View List

PVZFan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1296
  • PA - USA
    • View Profile

  • Badges: (View All)
    Level 5 Fifth year Anniversary Fourth year Anniversary
I agree with Winterlight, the "I didn't tell anyone" might be that she didn't tell anyone at the time or could mean that she didn't pursue legal intervention.

I think just acting as if your DH never saw this is the way forward.


« Last Edit: February 17, 2020, 12:16:30 pm by PVZFan »
Agree Agree x 3 View List

Hmmm

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2797
  • Location: Texas - USA
    • View Profile

  • Badges: (View All)
    Fifth year Anniversary 2500 Posts Level 5
I don't know why we didn't think about her having told him when the video was posted.

I hope that is the case. 

Thanks everyone.

Since she is college age, I would not bring it up to the parents. That is a decision for her to make.
Agree Agree x 3 View List

Aleko

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2566
  • Location: South-East England
    • View Profile

  • Badges: (View All)
    2500 Posts Fifth year Anniversary Level 4
It's my feeling that anyone who hadn't been able to bring themself to tell their parents about an experience of sexual abuse wouldn't tell the world about it on Youtube.
Agree Agree x 1 Disagree Disagree x 3 Optimistic Optimistic x 1 View List

TeamBhakta

It's my feeling that anyone who hadn't been able to bring themself to tell their parents about an experience of sexual abuse wouldn't tell the world about it on Youtube.

That's not true, I assure you. Especially if you know your older relatives aren't tech savvy and not likely to think "what can I go looking for online."

I wanna know why OP's DH had to find the name of Alex's company. You can't ask Alex personally ? Come on. Call snooping what it is.

And wanting to run to Alex to point out what a college age woman shared online ? Are you joking ? An adult doesn't need her parents' input for that. That sounds more like "We want you to know she's out there sullying your family's reputation. Do control her from now on." What if the molester was Alex ? Or this woman told Alex and her mom "I was assaulted by so and so", but blamed her or said "Keep it to yourself" ? Your DH isn't a friend of Alex to begin with and should be ashamed for being so nosy. Tell him to knock it off. It's disgusting and creepy.
Dislike Dislike x 2 Agree Agree x 1 Disagree Disagree x 5 View List

Dazi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 980
  • Location: Southeast, USA
    • View Profile

  • Badges: (View All)
    Level 4 Fifth year Anniversary Fourth year Anniversary
I agree that is not the parents' business. Who a sexual assault victim chooses to tell their story to is not anyone else's business. You have no idea if her perpetrator was Alex, another male family member, someone she thought was a friend, or a complete stranger.

I've known many women and some men who would rather talk to strangers about their experience and would be mortified about telling their parents.
Agree Agree x 6 View List

sandisadie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 762
  • Location: Tulsa, Ok suburbs
    • View Profile

  • Badges: (View All)
    Level 4 Fifth year Anniversary Fourth year Anniversary
If someone is telling their story of sexual assault on social media then aren't they unconcerned about who finds out about it?  I agree with others, though, you or your husband shouldn't be telling this young woman's parents about what you found online IMO.
Agree Agree x 4 View List