Bad Manners and Brimstone

In preparation for a work event earlier this year, a colleague and I went shopping for some stuff we needed. This colleague is a good personal friend as well, and is perhaps 12 years younger than me. Anyway, I had to go find an employee to ask him where to find something and was told, "It's right over by where your husband is standing."  I did my best to hide my grin, but couldn't help but smirk when I walked back to my colleague:
"So, apparently you've been upgraded to my husband now!"
"Uh! Nice score!"

 

A very "interesting assumption" indeed, but it gave my friend and I a much needed laugh!

I've been watching a lot of "Say Yes To The Dress" this week. Their consultants (at least as the show presents it) have to introduce themselves and work out the relationships of the people. There seems to be a default of "Who's the bride?" and "Who did you bring with you?" Although, I am sure that if I went back through the episodes that I could find examples of cringe worthy interactions.

I’m not sure why you think that if someone does not like the idea of looking 10 to 20 years older than they are, that they are being ageist.

How so? Do you assume if someone is 30 and is upset because someone else insinuates they look 50, that they either dislike 50 year olds or they think 50 year olds are not beautiful?

I can’t see any other way one would apply ageism to this, but it’s really a huge and negative assumption.

I’m 48. I’m fine with being 48.  Although I am vain.  I have had some beauty and it is a nice thing. There were times in my 20’s when I would turn heads all night at an event.  Luckily, I could go out the next night and no one would give me a second glance.  So I’m a bit vain, but I know I’m nothing special.

I also love women. I admire women who are strong in character, but I’m talking about vanity and beauty here, so I’ll focus on that.

I admire tall women, I admire well dressed women, I admire the way women hold themselves.  I will watch women 10 or 20 years older than me and think, I hope I can pull that off. 

I don’t hate older women. I watch them and I listen to them. I admire their beauty, I see how they wear their make-up and their hair and how they dress and how they hold themselves.  I really love the strength of some older women and I love the ones that still care about participating in life, about still being active and having strong voices and ensuring that we all know what a force they still are.

I love being around them and I soak up their strength.

But, as I said, I am vain. 

I do get disappointed when I look in the mirror and see more wrinkles.  Or that line by the side of my lip that disappears when I pull my skin back. This is about me, not about hating older people.

I do my best to look the best I can. I eat well, I exercise, I care for my skin and my body, I dress as well as I can. If I could afford Kate Middleton’s clothes that’s what I’d be wearing.

Anyway, I think you should consider that instead of someone disliking older people or believing older people are unattractive, maybe the being upset when the suggestion of looking 20 years older is just a reaction to ones vanity.

Beauty is a powerful thing.  Elderly people are beautiful, but ones own beauty isn’t some trinket that can be put on or off.  It’s an ever changing thing and we’re allowed to feel a sense of loss about this, just as we feel a sense of loss when we workout well enough but we can’t stop own bones from creaking as we do it.

I’m not feeling great sitting here writing about how vain I am.  I am certainly not turning heads these days and I don’t think I’m special. But I also think women should be allowed to care about their appearance, I think we’re allowed to be somewhat protective of our beauty.

I don’t want to be any younger than I am, but I don’t think it’s ageism to say I’m in to rush to be 20 years older than I am either. 

Do you think that because I don’t want to be 20, and I don’t want to look like I’m 20 that I dislike youth?

Beauty is everywhere. It’s in youth, age, wood, water, emotion, a shoe. Just because you value a thing doesn’t mean you hate another.

When my twin nieces were brand-spankin'-new, one of them was very ill and spent a very long time in the hospital.  My sister stayed there with her most of the time, and the au pair was at her house with my BIL, taking care of the other girl.  On Friday, I'd head for their house after work, and stay all weekend, then go back to work on Monday.

So...I hung out with my BIL and their tiny baby daughter for months.  Went to church with them.  More than once, someone from the church would come over, horrified, and say, 'How are you doing??  I see you with only one baby.....Oh wait, you're not Margie!'.  And we'd all laugh and I'd explain that the baby's mother was still in the hospital with the 'other baby'. 

Yeah, we look that much alike, even though we're 5 years and at least 100 lbs different.