Bad Manners and Brimstone

A few days ago I had a phone conversation with my college buddy on what we perceive as a major communication breakdown in society.  Too many people younger than ourselves seem to overwhelmingly prefer texting to talking and many type in "textspeak" which carries over to other communication.  A few years ago my shrink told me that he had 20-something patients who would show him text messages on their cell phones and ask "What does X mean by this?"  The Wall Street Journal had an article over ten years ago about this trend, saying that younger generations were losing the art of conversation... and that many of them didn't seem to think this was a problem.

At any rate, my friend said that the latest thing is "You can't call me to talk unless you send a text first.  It's rude."  When I asked why he said he was told "It's too intrusive."  My jaw hit the floor over that.

What are your thoughts?  Have any of you heard this one?

This doesn't seem to be an issue with people I associate with, but that's because I'm older. Among the people I know who are in their twenties and thirties, they don't seem to be like this. They text more than I do, but they aren't doing it almost exclusively, and they are fine with speaking on a phone.

I do think that there is a major problem with communicating via text or email instead of talking directly to someone on a phone or in person. With text and email you don't get the person's tone or facial expressions. This can lead to miscommunication or hurt feelings. Emojis can help, but I have known people who received emails and took them in a way that was not intended.
Another example would be in a situation where you need to communicate about something that is a touchy subject, or you need to communicate with an acquaintance or relative that you aren't always on good terms with. I've seen threads on this site or on the old site where people were communicating with emails, and I would think that they would do better with a phone call.

With text and email you don't get the person's tone or facial expressions. This can lead to miscommunication or hurt feelings. Emojis can help, but I have known people who received emails and took them in a way that was not intended.

That's exactly what I told my shrink back in the day.

If I ever had a friend tell me that "You can't call me to talk unless you send a text first.  It's rude.", I would never associate with them again. And I would call them out if later pressed on the issue.

I have heard that some people think it's rude. I think it has to stem from the assumption that you have to pick up the phone. Otherwise, it wouldn't matter if someone first texted to ask if it was a good time to talk - if it wasn't, you just wouldn't answer. But there's this assumption with some people that just because you CAN be available 24/7 means you NEED to be available 24/7. And I can see if you socialize with people like that, you might feel internal pressure to respond right away/pick up the phone. For the record, I don't think it's remotely rude to call without texting, but I also don't think it's remotely rude to not answer my call (I'll leave a message if it's important) or to not respond to my text ASAP.

Years ago,  niece was complaining about her friends calling and texting at all hours and the resulting lack of sleep.  I remarked that she could just turn her phone off and she was honestly horrified at that idea because "it would be rude not to answer!"

Nobody has to text me before calling, but they should if they want an answer.

I don't think it's rude to call without texting.  On the other hand, for years (long before cell phones existed) I have asked people when I call if they are available to talk.  If they are not, I ask when would be a good time to call back.

For work related things I will listen to voicemail, but for personal cell phone stuff I prefer texts unless an actual conversation needs to be had. I don’t want to spend 45 seconds plus to listen to a voicemail that says, “Hey, sorry to have missed you - can you text me Sara’s address?” I would rather just get a text asking for Sara’s address.

I will answer my phone if I feel like it, but I do think calls are more intrusive than texts. I can text while in line, over the course of a busy morning at work, on the bus, while watching my daughter’s practices......I cannot talk on the phone while doing these things.