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Author Topic: We don't miss you  (Read 2483 times)

lowspark

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Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #15 on: November 25, 2019, 11:14:59 am »
Quote from: Raintree on November 25, 2019, 12:01:21 am
"Oh, don't worry about us; we're getting along just fine!"

I like this. I wouldn't really want to say anything that made her feel that we couldn't wait to have her back. Because yeah, that's not true.

Hard to think of a good reply though when you're unexpectedly put on the spot!
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PVZFan

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Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #16 on: November 25, 2019, 01:26:03 pm »
Quote from: lowspark on November 25, 2019, 11:14:59 am
Quote from: Raintree on November 25, 2019, 12:01:21 am
"Oh, don't worry about us; we're getting along just fine!"

I like this. I wouldn't really want to say anything that made her feel that we couldn't wait to have her back. Because yeah, that's not true.

Hard to think of a good reply though when you're unexpectedly put on the spot!

I agree. Some responses are "technically" true, but are a bit of a misdirection and can send the wrong impression to the asker. That feels dishonest to me and I wouldn't be comfortable saying something along those lines. It's not exactly a lie of omission, but it feels that way to me if that makes sense. So that's when I deploy something closer to bean dip. I, generally, ask the person something about themselves because, and this is a broad characterization based on my experiences, people who ask these type of questions will be keen to talk about themselves.
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SioCat

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #17 on: November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm »
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.
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chigger

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #18 on: November 25, 2019, 02:59:59 pm »
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.


I wish I had the guts to tell the truth, like that! But I usually do what PVZFan said, and redirect by asking a question.
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oogyda

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #19 on: November 25, 2019, 03:22:39 pm »
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.

It may not be "nice", but that doesn't mean it's rude.  I agree that if someone is going to ask, they deserve the truth, but she's probably digging for an answer that will make her feel wanted. 
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TeamBhakta

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #20 on: November 26, 2019, 12:23:05 am »
Quote from: velly j on November 25, 2019, 10:56:42 am

All of the above suggestions are good. What is it that makes this person disliked?

It's a long list of things. The last straw for me was when a cashier told me "I know you don't like me. (Co-worker) told me. She said you say I sniff your food containers & I'm gross." Which is not true :o
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gramma dishes

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #21 on: November 26, 2019, 08:54:03 am »
Quote from: TeamBhakta on November 26, 2019, 12:23:05 am
Quote from: velly j on November 25, 2019, 10:56:42 am

All of the above suggestions are good. What is it that makes this person disliked?

It's a long list of things. The last straw for me was when a cashier told me "I know you don't like me. (Co-worker) told me. She said you say I sniff your food containers & I'm gross." Which is not true :o


Good grief!   No wonder no one likes her.   Of all the reasons I could think of, this is one that would NEVER have come to mind!   :o
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Titanica

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #22 on: November 26, 2019, 09:56:08 am »
Quote from: oogyda on November 25, 2019, 03:22:39 pm
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.

It may not be "nice", but that doesn't mean it's rude.  I agree that if someone is going to ask, they deserve the truth, but she's probably digging for an answer that will make her feel wanted.

I still disagree.  I think it's rude.  It's intended to be hurtful, and I believe that's rude by definition.  But even if it wasn't rude, it's unnecessary.
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Hanna

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #23 on: November 26, 2019, 11:57:40 am »
Quote from: gramma dishes on November 26, 2019, 08:54:03 am
Quote from: TeamBhakta on November 26, 2019, 12:23:05 am
Quote from: velly j on November 25, 2019, 10:56:42 am

All of the above suggestions are good. What is it that makes this person disliked?

It's a long list of things. The last straw for me was when a cashier told me "I know you don't like me. (Co-worker) told me. She said you say I sniff your food containers & I'm gross." Which is not true :o


Good grief!   No wonder no one likes her.   Of all the reasons I could think of, this is one that would NEVER have come to mind!   :o

We need a jaw dropping smiley.
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myfamily

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #24 on: November 26, 2019, 02:31:48 pm »
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.

No, they are trying to get you to tell them that you miss them so they can feel good about themselves.  That is the only reason why people ask if you've missed them - they want to hear that you do and that therefore they are worthwhile.  You certainly don't have to lie to them, but you don't have to be cruelly honest either.  A simple 'we've definitely noticed a difference without you here' is the truth and not cruel.
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lakey

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Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #25 on: November 26, 2019, 02:33:19 pm »
Quote
Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #19 on: November 25, 2019, 03:22:39 pm »
Quote
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.

It may not be "nice", but that doesn't mean it's rude.  I agree that if someone is going to ask, they deserve the truth, but she's probably digging for an answer that will make her feel wanted.

There's a difference between workplace behavior and social life behavior. Being open about the fact that you don't like a co-worker creates problems in the workplace. You have to be around these people on a daily basis.  If morale in the workplace is bad, it affects other employees, customers, and clients. I've been in a workplace where there are cliques of people who openly dislike each other. It's miserable. Showing open dislike of co-workers is unprofessional. If an employee's behavior is so bad that everyone dislikes them, that is a management failure.

For this incident, telling the co-worker, "Things are fine," isn't a lie. It also doesn't add to the problems in the workplace.
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lakey

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Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #26 on: November 26, 2019, 03:00:06 pm »
Sorry. Not sure what went wrong with my use of the quote tool. ::)
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oogyda

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #27 on: December 02, 2019, 09:57:15 am »
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.

But, they don't want the truth.  They want their ego stroked and I've had far too emotionally needy people in my life to want to play that game. 

I'm not setting out to be hurtful.  If I were, I would tell you my feelings without being asked.  That's being polite and kind.   
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Aleko

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Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #28 on: December 02, 2019, 11:44:28 am »
I suppose one could always go off on a philosophical riff along the lines of:

"It's amazing how little any individual is really missed in a workplace, however long-serving and valued they are. In my working life I've seen many key workers with big personalities leaving a team while everybody wondered how on earth we would manage without them, and a few months later we could hardly remember what it had been like having them there. And when I've gone back to visit workplaces I'd left, I've realised that the gap I'd left behind had just closed up seamlessly behind me, too."

If one wanted to convey the truth - "no, we don't miss you" - without being rude or overtly dismissive, I think that would just about pass muster. There's no way to make that news not-hurtful to a person who fondly hoped to be told the opposite, but I don't think it could legitimately be held against one, and it lets them keep their dignity. Though TBH I don't think I'd bother, and would either bean dip or give a joke answer.

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Hanna

Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #29 on: December 02, 2019, 11:51:32 am »
Quote from: oogyda on December 02, 2019, 09:57:15 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.

I don’t like lying.

You can "not lie" without being rude.

I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you, I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.

But, they don't want the truth.  They want their ego stroked and I've had far too emotionally needy people in my life to want to play that game. 

I'm not setting out to be hurtful.  If I were, I would tell you my feelings without being asked.  That's being polite and kind.
SioCat, do you feel like everyone has a right to your private thoughts?  That's how I think about this. Just because someone asks how I feel about something, does not mean I have an obligation to share it.  I don't think it's rude to deflect; actually it's a matter of self-preservation sometimes.
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