Author Topic: Work Place Gifting Awkwardness  (Read 1350 times)

Aleko

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Re: Work Place Gifting Awkwardness
« Reply #15 on: December 22, 2019, 04:06:34 am »
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Shouldn't gift-giving be voluntary and done with love?

The trouble is that once someone gives someone else a present, unless they are blatantly unequal in status, reciprocating is not voluntary. This is true across pretty much every culture through time and across the world - this is one of the (few) statements that all anthropologists agree on.

If there is a clear difference in status, gift-giving can go one way only. In Renaissance Europe it was customary for courtiers to humbly offer Christmas presents to their sovereign, who graciously accepted them as homage, and nobody dreamt that s/he would or should reciprocate. By the 19th century the custom had flipped: Queen Victoria gave modest presents to the palace staff, and in wartime would send small presents such as a tin of cigarettes with her picture on it, to all her soldiers at the front; there was obviously no expectation that they would send any presents to her. In the same way, a boss can give out presents to all their staff employees without imposing any obligation on them to respond. But if Sally gives Jane a Christmas present, that does impose an obligation on Jane to respond with a present of roughly equal value. If Jane does not, she will seem at best selfish or stingy, or the recipient of charity; at worst, hostile. That's why it is never good manners to give someone a present more valuable than anything they would think of giving to you. Ask any Trobriand Islander! In fact, there are societies where knowingly giving someone something so valuable that they can't afford to reciprocate is a mortal insult.
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