Bad Manners and Brimstone

I do think that this (and all variants thereof) is of the most unwelcome things a person can say, in any circumstances. If they actually love you and and are happy to have you along, it can be really hurtful to suggest that you don't believe this and are convinced they really wish you elsewhere. And in the ( let's face it, rather more likely) opposite case that they really are only putting up with you out of kindness, it just adds insult to their pain; they can't decently agree, so you're forcing them to declare insincerely 'No, no, it's no bother at all, we love having you!' 

Thank people, yes of course. But the more you suspect that you really are a complete bollard to them, the more you should avoid making remarks that oblige them to lie about it. 

Lula, I agree with you that those kinds of self-deprecating "apologies" are (or at least, can be) a form of abuse toward the one they are supposedly apologizing to. 

Narcissists use it to feed off of the expected response of "Oh, no.  I like spending time with you."  or whatever the situation warrants.

I freely admit my response is colored by my own life experiences and your mileage may vary.

This reminds me a lot of my mother, whose toxicity has already led me to speak to three different therapists.

I'll spare you the details, but one therapist asked me how I would have felt if Mum had apologised to me. My response was that I wouldn't have believed a word of it. Mum was very fond of the old "Oh, I'm such a terrible person!" nonsense, so even if she had meant her apology sincerely, I would have assumed it was her usual crap.

I don't know why she continued trying that, because I was used to her and never gave her the response she wanted.

It is.  You're right.  It's terribly tiresome.   So please don't mention it again.

😆