Isn't it odd how many utterly conventional social remarks are at best useless as conversational gambits - there being no polite response other than a sickly smile - and at worst downright annoying for the person they are directed at?
Here's the kind of thing I mean:
First up, 'My, haven't you grown!' Generations of children have fought down the impulse to say 'Of course I have, you didn't expect me to stop the same size, did you?' Extra demerits if, like many of my aunts and distant cousins, you follow this up with 'I haven't seen you since you were in your pram!' which invites the reply 'So, if you'd engaged your brain, you'd realise I haven't the faintest idea who you are'.
Next (to the bride): 'How does it feel to be Mrs [Bridegroom's surname]?' Nobody should ever say this - especially nowadays when there is no certainty at all that she plans to change her name - but it's amazing how many people do. It's futile even if the bride has decided to take her new husband's surname and is happy with that, because there still is no response to this other than a sickly smile. If she has decided not to, she has to choose between rebuffing this kindly person's well-meant remark with a curt 'Actually it doesn't, because I'm not', or just producing a gritted-teeth smile. If she didn't want to change her name but has been bullied into it, you'll be lucky if she doesn't whack you with her bouquet and burst into tears.
And 'I've heard so much about you!' This includes all kinds of dire possibilities, and the sayee's options boil down to either making some sickly joke along the lines of 'It's all lies, you know!' 'Then I'd better flee at once!' or, as with the previous phrases, a sickly smile. For Pete's sake, at least give them something to work with: 'I've heard so much about your garden / your pet refuge / your and Jane's trainspotting holidays!'
Has anybody else any conventional remarks that they don't want to hear ever again?