Author Topic: Conventional remarks to avoid  (Read 2090 times)

guest725

  • Guest
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2018, 08:18:37 pm »
'My, haven't you grown!'

The obvious reply is

My, haven't you aged?

What an amusing response. I think everyone should say that, especially kids. Teach them how to be a comedian early, the kind that insults people. Great career aspirations.

Aleko

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1645
  • Location: South-East England
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2018, 05:27:36 am »
Quote
I know there are plenty who will disagree with me, but I'll go ahead and put this out there regarding offense being taken when referred to as "Mrs. (Groom'slastname)":

I understand that your name may not change once your married, but Mrs. Groom'slastname is an appropriate *title*.

I obviously haven't made myself clear. I never said, nor would I, that any of the remarks I listed were offensive. I said that they were futile (in that there is no polite response to them other than a sickly smile) and were frequently annoying. Plenty of remarks that are not offensive are intensely annoying . (I often think, as my MIL picks up the restaurant menu, that if she trills "Oh, this will be too much for me to eat, I have such a small appetite!" one more time, I'll SCREAM. But I would never assert that this remark was 'offensive'.)

And, Oogyda: if a bride decides not to change her surname on marriage, 'Mrs Groom'slastname' is an only an appropriate title for her in the sense that Mr Bride'slastname' is an appropriate title for her husband.

Though, come to think of it, asking the groom at a wedding reception "How does it feel to be 'Mr Bride'slastname'?" would at least be an interesting conversational ploy.
Agree Agree x 1 View List

Venus193

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 302
  • Cat Lover
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #17 on: August 11, 2018, 06:25:18 am »
Count me as having been a teen who found the "My, how you've grown" comment both ridiculously obvious and condescending.  My usual response was to roll my eyes.  After the third time I heard it as a teen I made a promise to myself that I would never say this to any child.

Rose Red

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1335
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2018, 08:41:44 am »
It depends on the person. My friend's daughter loved remarks on her height. I don't visit often, but every time I do, I'd comment how she's grown and she'd brag how she'll be taller than me by the time she's 10 :D. Now that she's a teenager, it's our inside joke.

I wouldn't say it to a person I don't know as well though. However, "How you've grown" or "You were just a baby the last time I saw you" is just a thing to say just to make small talk to break the ice. It may be eye-rolling for some, but for me, I don't even remember it after a few minutes when it was used on me as a kid.
Agree Agree x 2 View List

Luci

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 756
  • Location: Spfld IL
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2018, 08:48:15 am »
I donít mind the ones mentioned, but whatever possesses a person to say, "I used to change your diapers!"?
Like Like x 2 Funny Funny x 2 View List

TootsNYC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2229
  • Location: formerly small-town Midwest, NYC as an adult
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #20 on: August 15, 2018, 02:07:04 pm »
Sometimes I say to the kids at church, when I haven't seen them in a while, "Every time I see you, you just look older! How are you doing that?!?"
   As if it's an amazing magic trick. But I never wait for them to answer.
   I just waltz right ahead into, "Now, what grade are you in? I can never remember, and of course, you keep changing it every year."

They seem to get that I'm making a joke.
Like Like x 6 Dislike Dislike x 1 View List

gmatoy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1062
  • Location: Washington State
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #21 on: August 21, 2018, 02:55:56 pm »
To be honest, I usually didnít mind those comments because it made me remember that I did know this person once and she remembered me and it was fleeting and not needing a response other than a head nod or thank. Yes, even when I was older. It is often a way people acknowledge the presence of a kid before he is ignored the rest of the visit.

As a child, I didnít mind being told I looked like my mother because she was a hardworking ordinary looking woman. Even at my brother's funeral, most of the visitors were taught by my mom or knew her through the church so I got many "you look just like your mother!" comments. Well, sheís been gone 50 years and there are still people who remember her!

Do I refrain from these comments to children? Usually, merely because they sound so lame when in a movie or tv show and the kid actor seems uncomfortable.

Luci, I am often told that I look like my mother. To which I have always said, "Thank you!"
A few years ago, my mother told me that when I was little, I would say it with an inflection that implied that they had just said I was one of the most beautiful people on earth. I looked at her and said, "Yep!"
She almost fell off of her chair, she was laughing so hard! And, yes, I do think it is a compliment to be compared to my mother, especially her kindness and intelligence.
Like Like x 2 Agree Agree x 4 View List

holly firestorm

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 193
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #22 on: April 10, 2020, 07:46:12 pm »
It's true that you don't know what someone's name will be after marriage.


I personally have taken the idea of "to be Mrs. Smith" to be more metaphorical than literal.

But yes, it's risky.

Not only that, but assuming the husband's surname for legal and social reasons doesn't mean you are going to be a different person, especially since most brides and grooms are a committed couple quite a while before the actual ceremony, especially 'nowadays.'
Agree Agree x 2 View List

Lilipons

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 125
    • View Profile
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
« Reply #23 on: May 26, 2020, 11:21:06 am »
'My, haven't you grown!'

The obvious reply is

My, haven't you aged?

My Uncle (who had a strange wit) used that once when we were in a restaurant and had a waitress who was possibly the slowest server on record. 

It wasnít kind of him but it was accurate.