Bad Manners and Brimstone

I am currently going through treatment for breast cancer.  Doing well.

I received a call from a support group run by the treatment center I am using.  The woman on the phone was very polite and told me when the group was meeting next.

Between my amazing family and friends (including one who's been through the same treatment) I am very well supported and cared for.  I am not interested in joining a group.  I know others find them helpful and I would never tell someone not to join if they felt it was needed.

I said to the woman that I was not interested.  She kept explaining why I would find it helpful.  When she took a breath I said "no, I'm not interested in joining".

Her response was "I just don't understand why you won't join our group".

I said "Because I don't want to" and hung up.

Everyone's journey looks different. 
For Pushy Lady, nothing could be better than support group. That's great.
Others find strength in friends and family. That's great.
Some people keep to themselves.  That's great.

I'm going to very generously chose to believe that Pushy Lady is afraid that depression/shock/fear is keeping you from joining the support group. In her mind, it is the 100% best way of dealing with a traumatic diagnosis. Good intentions on her part, but it resulted in very bad execution. Regardless of the intentions or execution, you know that you have another option open to you if you need it later. You also know that the contact person is super pushy, and you can avoid getting sucked into drama.

I'm glad that you have your own support system, and I'm glad you stuck to your guns to deal with your illness in the way that works best for you. <3

My mother was invited to events sponsored by the breast health center where she was treated. They were not pushy at all. I can't imagine why anyone would try to get you to join their group by bullying you!

We had something similar happen. My husband had open heart surgery in April and then had complications. This guy representing a heart support group cornered me for about 30 minutes in the ICU waiting room, went INTO ICU where my husband was (I saw him there on one of the visits.), and then came to his room after he got out of ICU. I was po'd enough to write a letter to the hospital administrator. No, we didn't join the group. I'm sorry you are being hassled during your treatment phase. My prayers go out for a swift recovery.

Being pushy like that is a sure way to make a hesitant person decide to not come.

If I were a bit reluctant, or shy, or reserved, or not sure whether I needed help, that pressure might just make me decide to not come.

I love your "because I don't want to."

And I'm glad you're being well supported through this--all the best!

It sounds like you have your own support group for support group pushers right here! I'm agreeing with everybody else.

Wishing you the best throughout your treatment.

I am currently going through treatment for breast cancer.  Doing well.

I received a call from a support group run by the treatment center I am using.  The woman on the phone was very polite and told me when the group was meeting next.

Between my amazing family and friends (including one who's been through the same treatment) I am very well supported and cared for.  I am not interested in joining a group.  I know others find them helpful and I would never tell someone not to join if they felt it was needed.

I said to the woman that I was not interested.  She kept explaining why I would find it helpful.  When she took a breath I said "no, I'm not interested in joining".

Her response was "I just don't understand why you won't join our group".

I said "Because I don't want to" and hung up.

I salute you! This group could quite likely end up being less support and more distress if this is how they act.

Ugh, that would have made me mad. I am glad you didn't "JADE."

My sister reported something similar when trauma counselling was available on the campus where she teaches because something tragic had happened to a student while on campus. She did not know the student. But administration was pushbecing trauma counseling on her. She was sorry for the family and other loved ones of the student who died, but she told them, "I didn't know him, and I don't need trauma counseling." She was irritated that they were so insistent that she needed the trauma counselors.

Nothing remotely of that nature has ever happened to me (thankfully, and touch wood) but I remember when I was 25 and a guy dumped me suddenly and I was devastated, and I wanted to stay home that evening and grieve for the relationship, and my room-mate was super pushy about wanting to take me around to clubs that evening and have a good time, because "it's not healthy to stay home and mope, you have to get out." That annoyed me because it had literally JUST happened and I wanted to grieve in my own way, and here she was being all pushy about wanting me to go out on the town.

And recently my mother had a life-changing surgery, medically necessary but something she never wanted to have to do (OK it means she has to wear an ostomy bag). The ostomy nurse gave her information for a support group, and gatherings where you get to meet other people with ostomy bags. I know my mother well enough to know she'd never go for such a thing. She has friends, and family, and is not interested in going to gatherings to hang out with people whose only thing in common with her is an ostomy bag.

We got home and I held up the literature we'd been given and said, "I'm guessing you're not interested in this ostomy support group." She recoiled and waved her hand at it to indicate, "Yes, get rid of that."

Some people find comfort in that sort of thing. Others want nothing to do with it. Neither way is bad. Just one should not inflict their feelings about it onto others who might feel differently.