Bad Manners and Brimstone

When is it appropriate to use the CD?  In what kinds of situations have you used it?  Comment in this thread!

I have never needed to use a cut direct, but when looking for a clear definition, because some people use "cut direct" when they really mean "cut off," I found a web site I've never heard of and might really like. A cut direct is a single incident in public, while a cut off is often permanent and many people wouldn't even know it happened.


Easily understandable cut direct definition: https://uncommon-courtesy.com/2014/10/01/the-cut-direct-the-fiercest-etiquette-punishment/


Cut off: Cutting contact with a friend or relative who has done something to harm the relationship beyond repair.

That is so interesting because I always thought people were using that term incorrectly! It is what it says - a very pointed cutting of someone in public so people know. When people have used that term, they've been saying things like you should avoid the person, don't make others uncomfortable etc, but that's not what it was meant to be. Other people were meant to know you were cutting that person off socially, in no uncertain terms.

The CD can only be applied in person - the person being cut is not reacted to - they are socially invisible & imperceptible - they don't exist in your universe at all. 

I wouldn't plan to go to a wedding where either one of the HC was someone that I was applying the CD to...in fact, I might not plan on going to any event that I knew that that person would be attending.  I'd have other plans or couldn't get off work, if it was a social event that I didn't mind missing out on...if I did go, I'd have worked out avoidance strategies ahead of time.  If they turn up unexpectedly - well, its the nuclear option because you really screen out their existence and do not notice them at all, interact with them at all, or try to avoid them - you just don't see them and it will quickly become something that anyone but Captain Obvious would notice.  They might still ignore it or you might be questioned about why you're not saying anything to CD. 

Be prepared with something to say - not something that will get you sued for libel or slander or arrested for fomenting a riot, I'm not sure what that might be.  It might depend on whether what they did to earn the CD was done in public or in private.   

If I just don't get along with them and am minimizing my interaction with them - whether for three months or for a longer period of time, to see what changes - I might go but would be prepared to do only the most superficial interaction - talk about the weather and try to keep any interaction at a superficial level and the absolute minimum of time.  Possibly with a comment about needing to go see someone else, powder your nose, or other innocous thing you could do that takes you far away from them.

Just don't be rude to the hosts by fomenting a riot at their event.

I've used parts of the Internet where it was possible to give someone the cut direct. On Usenet (which consisted of "newsgroups" devoted to all sorts of topics, things like the Red Sox or specific programming languages, and  threaded discussions of specific topics like last night's game or a particular programming question), people read and posted with software that included "killfiles." I could killfile a specific poster (if I found them tedious or offensive) or subject (if I cared about the Red Sox but not about the food served in Fenway Park).

That was silent, and could be turned off as quickly as on (if I decided that yes, I did care about hot dogs). However, it was entirely possible to make a post that said "$So-and-so, that was offensive. I'm kill-filing you," which became known as "plonking." and then put their posts in your killfile. Replying to something either by saying you weren't talking to someone (and why) or just with "plonk" was telling them and everyone else "I will have nothing further to do with him." It was considered very bad form to publicly killfile someone and then address them further; if Joe Schmoe is dead to me, I shouldn't get up and say "hey, world, I'm not talking to Joe, but my friend quoted this thing he said, and here's why he's wrong."

Like an in-person cut direct, plonking someone didn't mean the person who announced they had killfiled someone expected their friends to follow suit. I might look past someone at an event, even (in 19th century form) say "sir, I do not know you" before turning away, but that doesn't mean our mutual friends will stop talking to them. It does mean I'm telling everyone that I am that upset--which has the risk that some people will think that Joe Schmoe did nothing wrong, or that I'm overreacting, and act accordingly.

I've seen software that tries to reproduce killfiles on certain forum software, but it doesn't seem to have caught on.

That was one of the features I liked at Delphi -- you could put someone on ignore and their posts would be hidden, but you could stlll click on them to read them if you felt like it.  Not quite as drastic as blocking someone.

That actually is possible here but doesn't seem to be turned on. I am on another forum on create-a-forum where it is on, and it's exactly like that. It would be nice if it could be done here, then folks wouldn't have to read posts from people who may irritate them into saying things better left unsaid!

I’ve done the cut direct only in two cases.  Once to someone who publicly and shamelessly threw me under the bus, then tried to do the “but we’re friends” routine.  The other was my not-soon-enough-to-be-ExH, whose behavior before the split and even now warrants being “sent to Coventry.”

"That is so interesting because I always thought people were using that term incorrectly! It is what it says - a very pointed cutting of someone in public so people know. When people have used that term, they've been saying things like you should avoid the person, don't make others uncomfortable etc, but that's not what it was meant to be. Other people were meant to know you were cutting that person off socially, in no uncertain terms."

I always thought the cut direct was chiefly a private thing, only obvious to the person you are cutting, and if you are in a public setting you should quietly turn away if you see them approaching, thus not making others uncomfortable. I never thought it was supposed to make a public statement althought it certainly could, if someone had done something so beyond the pale of human society that any normal person should avoid them forever.

edited because I messed up the quote function.

I apply the cut direct to someone I removed from my Meetup group but who belongs to one I belong to but don't own.  The organizer of that group told him to stay away from me but at the most recent event he came to he tried to get my attention.  I turned around and began talking to someone else.

This is someone who has creeped out others as well.  The problem is that if he were removed from that group he might still turn up because he is on a lot of the same classical music mailing lists.