Bad Manners and Brimstone

I have give the Cut Direct just once in my life. It was at a multi-period battle reenactment festival; I was strolling around checking out the Athenian hoplites, the 15th-century artillery and the Crimean lancers, when suddenly I realised the next group was a bunch of Waffen-SS. I was revolted. I can cope with people re-enacting WWII Wehrmacht, but SS . . . no. Just no. It doesn't make any difference to me whether they are Nazi sympathisers in reality or just enjoy it as a fantasy; either way I can't be doing with it.

So, I had quickened my pace to get past them ASAP, when I realised that one of these guys was hailing me by name. I looked and realised that I did know him slightly from Napoleonic-period reenactment. I just said 'I don't know you. I don't want to know you.' and kept going.

This was a wholly instinctive reaction: I hadn't time to think how best to handle the situation. But I still think it actually was the best. No way was I going to greet and chat to someone in that uniform, and there was absolutely no point stopping to spell that out, because, frankly, if you need to ask why people shun you when you're dressed as an SS man, you aren't going to understand or accept the answer! And if he had attempted to justify or explain his hobby (and from my small acquaintance with him, he was the I'm-always-right type who probably would), I would have said or done something a great deal less civil, quite possibly something actionable in law.

I've given the CD to one person (on several occasions, since we happen to be related, and nothing she can ever say or do will improve my opinion of her).

The reason: She referred to my nephew as "that little half ni**er."

I wanted to rate this one "sad", since its the closest rating that applies. I think that anyone would name-call a child something awful is just really sad and mean. But then I was afraid it would be misinterpreted that I'm sad you cut the cousin off.

Am I over thinking these ratings?

Quote from: Bada on June 06, 2018, 08:47:57 am

Quote from: MrTango on June 06, 2018, 08:43:50 am

I've given the CD to one person (on several occasions, since we happen to be related, and nothing she can ever say or do will improve my opinion of her).

The reason: She referred to my nephew as "that little half ni**er."

I wanted to rate this one "sad", since its the closest rating that applies. I think that anyone would name-call a child something awful is just really sad and mean. But then I was afraid it would be misinterpreted that I'm sad you cut the cousin off.

Am I over thinking these ratings?

I overthink them as well so I don't really use them. Because really any of them could be seen as referring to one of two options. For example, I'll never use "dumb" because I'm afraid it'll look like I think the poster is dumb rather than the situation/person in the post.

In this case, actually replying would be better because then you could just post the angry face.  Then the rest of us could agree with you.

Now I'm confused.  I have told people that my sister gave me the cut direct via FB messenger.  So this is not a proper term.  It really doesn't matter, just curious.

No, you can not issue a cut direct via FB Messenger. Even if it was a group text and your sister responded to other's messages but not yours, that could be interpreted as an oversight or just not having input to your question or comment.

A cut direct is in person and done in such a way that other's know and witness that you have chosen to pretend the offending party does not exist.

It was always a pet peeve of mine on ehell when people used the term to mean cutting someone off.

I've only done it once in my early 20's and really didn't know there was a formal term for it. It was a situation at an event for an old HS friend. I was standing with a group of people when a friend's father approached the group and greeted me. I had learned some very disturbing information about him. I just turned to someone else and said "I see Laurie and want to go say hi". He tried to approach me one more time and again I walked away without speaking to him. Yes, questions and rumors started about why I was refusing to speak to him. It wasn't for several months later that people understood.

Off the top of my head, I could only name two people that I'd CD at the moment.  One is a former friend of VorGuy's who showed his true colors as a narcissistic mooch (among other things) and we have not heard from him or about them in roughly thirty years.  The second was the ex-husband of one of my oldest friends (she's now deceased) and their marriage fell apart when he showed his true colors in the early 1990s (I don't remember the exact date). 

Quote from: MOM21SON on July 06, 2018, 12:15:33 am

Now I'm confused.  I have told people that my sister gave me the cut direct via FB messenger.  So this is not a proper term.  It really doesn't matter, just curious.

No, you can not issue a cut direct via FB Messenger. Even if it was a group text and your sister responded to other's messages but not yours, that could be interpreted as an oversight or just not having input to your question or comment.

A cut direct is in person and done in such a way that other's know and witness that you have chosen to pretend the offending party does not exist.

It was always a pet peeve of mine on ehell when people used the term to mean cutting someone off.

I've only done it once in my early 20's and really didn't know there was a formal term for it. It was a situation at an event for an old HS friend. I was standing with a group of people when a friend's father approached the group and greeted me. I had learned some very disturbing information about him. I just turned to someone else and said "I see Laurie and want to go say hi". He tried to approach me one more time and again I walked away without speaking to him. Yes, questions and rumors started about why I was refusing to speak to him. It wasn't for several months later that people understood.

Thanks!  Well if I ever see her again, I'll be sure to give her the proper cut direct!  lol.  Never been happier!

Quote from: peony on May 30, 2018, 10:47:50 pm

"That is so interesting because I always thought people were using that term incorrectly! It is what it says - a very pointed cutting of someone in public so people know. When people have used that term, they've been saying things like you should avoid the person, don't make others uncomfortable etc, but that's not what it was meant to be. Other people were meant to know you were cutting that person off socially, in no uncertain terms."

I always thought the cut direct was chiefly a private thing, only obvious to the person you are cutting, and if you are in a public setting you should quietly turn away if you see them approaching, thus not making others uncomfortable. I never thought it was supposed to make a public statement althought it certainly could, if someone had done something so beyond the pale of human society that any normal person should avoid them forever.

That is the cut indirect.

I don't like drama, so am much more likely to use the cut indirect.  My preference is for cutting off: by the time enough egregious examples have accumulated, I'm likely so mad there is no room for that person in my life.

One person whom I cut off and then made up with (several years later), is heading straight for low contact at the moment.  That's another option to the nuclear one.

I had to comment after seeing something in one of my shows last night. I've been watching the "Victoria" series on Masterpiece Theater with Jenna Coleman. Its about the beginning years of Queen Victoria's reign. In one scene it is assumed that Victoria's uncle has put a "hit" out on his niece to gain the throne. As he walks into a room, all the men there stopped talking and made a big show of turning their backs and facing the other direction in silence. He approached the man at the end of the room, and exclaimed "Can you believe that? They just gave me the Cut Direct!"   Now I will forever imagine this is how you should do it lol.