Author Topic: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?  (Read 388 times)

KittyMommy

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 5
    • View Profile
Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« on: July 08, 2020, 09:39:30 am »
Last year, I got a verbal STD for a wedding on August 8 (a month from now). I would think I’d have gotten an invitation by now. However, with the pandemic, I’d understand if things have changed. Maybe they’ve decided to postpone until things settle down, or decided to have a smaller wedding. Still, since they’ve already asked us to save the date, shouldn’t they let us know if such changes were made? Would it be okay for me to ask?

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter


Jem

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 741
  • Truly, Truly, Truly Outrageous!
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2020, 09:54:39 am »
I think you can assume the wedding is not going forward on August 8, or at least you have not been invited to attend a wedding on August 8. I personally know quite a few people who still got married on the date they had planned but did not include guests because of the pandemic.

If you are close with the people, I might ask, but generally I would assume you will be updated when there is information you need to know. Especially with only a verbal STD I don't know that you should expect a play by play when the couple likely doesn't know what their plans might be given the pandemic.

Hmmm

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1494
  • Location: Texas - USA
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2020, 10:34:25 am »
How close are you to the couple? Since this was a verbal STD from them, I would assume more than passing acquaintances? If there has been nothing posted on any of their social media or in conversations with them, I would also assume the wedding has been postponed. Have you done a google search for a wedding website?

I'm not sure how I feel about informal STD's and responsibility to update based on those. For the weddings where we had received STD cards, those couple's did send out formal communications. But I'm not sure if I feel the couple needs to remember everyone they may have mentioned their wedding to being August 8th and asking them to hold the date.

Since no invitation or formal STD has been forthcoming, I think is is very safe to assume the wedding was postponed. Do you have any family members or friends who are closer to the couple and in more frequent contact? Maybe they can provide some insight?

edited to correct typo.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2020, 11:06:28 am by Hmmm »
Agree Agree x 1 View List

DaDancingPsych

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 754
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2020, 10:55:54 am »
Being that the STD was verbal, I would think the couple is not responsible for updating everyone that they mentioned their wedding to. I will say that I had a friend who had a wedding planned in May and the couple found it tiring to be constantly bombarded with "are you still going to have your wedding?" questions, especially because they just didn't know for some time. (They did end up postponing for a year.) However, I think couples with weddings in August have had time to think things over and realize that we were likely going to be in the same conditions. So maybe they would not find the questions so stressful. I might make my call about asking dependent on how close I was to the couple. Certainly if there was someone else in the know, I might ask them instead.

I have another friend who was scheduled for September, but has also decided to postpone for a year. I, too, was given a non-formal STD. I heard the news through a Facebook post, although I did express my concern through a direct message.
Agree Agree x 1 View List

TootsNYC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2229
  • Location: formerly small-town Midwest, NYC as an adult
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2020, 11:30:27 am »
If by "update" you mean "information about the actual date," yes, I think you are entitled to an update about the date.

But I think you don't ask until you get into "time to send an invitation" territory, which is about 6 weeks out. So yes, now you can ask them what their plans are.

In fact, I personally think they have an obligation to tell you if anything has changed. I received an StD from a cousin, and I was seriously looking into plane flights. I mentioned to my mom that I wondered if i should rent a car as well, or could she cart me around with her (since she would be driving), and she said, "I don't think that wedding is happening."
    I never did hear from the bride that it wasn't going to happen at that time.

I waited a week and then contacted her mother to ask, and was told that it was cancelled.


In this case, w/ a pandemic going on, personally, I would simply not ask, because I would not be going. Period.
Quote
"As of May 15, a total of 231 of 3,143 counties had no reported cases. The list is getting shorter by the day, though. In the first half of May alone, 40 counties went from zero recorded cases of the virus to at least one."
https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/2020/05/17/coronavirus-free-rural-counties-low-testing-and-population-density/5196441002/


Weddings are super-spreader events. They pull people from several different geographic regions, and people hug one another, etc.

However, if you think you MIGHT go, or might go under certain circumstances, then absolutely, at 6 to 8 weeks ahead of the date, you are totally OK to touch base and say, "I'm wondering if anything has changed due to the pandemic."

Like Like x 1 View List

TootsNYC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2229
  • Location: formerly small-town Midwest, NYC as an adult
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2020, 11:32:12 am »
I will say that I had a friend who had a wedding planned in May and the couple found it tiring to be constantly bombarded with "are you still going to have your wedding?" questions, especially because they just didn't know for some time.


This is why they need to be the ones who start that conversation, even if it's just to say, "We are still up in the air."

Aleko

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1645
  • Location: South-East England
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2020, 01:45:01 pm »
Where I come from, STD stands for 'sexually transmitted disease'. On reading your topic title I was already admiring your chutzpah in not only admitting the nature of your ailment but setting out to parlay it into some kind of an entitlement ... :D
Funny Funny x 10 View List

jpcher

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2045
  • Location: Chicago Area
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2020, 02:04:22 pm »
Aleko -- I agree with you 100% and was going to post the same thing.

Although from being on this site I do recognize STD for save the date but it takes me a moment to realize it.

I like Toots' usage of the acronym being StD. ;D
Like Like x 3 Agree Agree x 1 View List

PVZFan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 632
  • PA - USA
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #8 on: July 08, 2020, 02:06:22 pm »
Where I come from, STD stands for 'sexually transmitted disease'. On reading your topic title I was already admiring your chutzpah in not only admitting the nature of your ailment but setting out to parlay it into some kind of an entitlement ... :D

I'm so glad I'm not the only who thought that when she saw STD.

I agree with Toots. Once someone holds a date in my calendar, either formally or informally, I think I am entitled to updates. Given the pandemic and all that people are likely dealing with, I'm less expectant of updates but still think it's appropriate to get some sort of update, even if it's just a social media posting.
Like Like x 1 Agree Agree x 1 View List

malfoyfan13

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 140
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2020, 02:00:52 pm »
Aleko, I thought the same thing! :-)

Hmmm

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1494
  • Location: Texas - USA
    • View Profile
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2020, 05:35:14 pm »
Where I come from, STD stands for 'sexually transmitted disease'. On reading your topic title I was already admiring your chutzpah in not only admitting the nature of your ailment but setting out to parlay it into some kind of an entitlement ... :D

I will agree that when I read the subject line, my reaction was "hell yeah, if you had sex with someone who later thinks they have an STD, yes, you are ethically entitled to an update.

But then I realized the discussion wasn't that straight forward.  :(