Author Topic: I Need Help... (OP U/D # 39, 49, 68)  (Read 5952 times)

Hanna

Re: I Need Help... (OP U/D # 39, 49)
« Reply #60 on: November 01, 2019, 01:16:54 pm »
It sounds as if you're fine with your dad moving forward, and if your grandparents are so toxic, I can understand why he doesn't want to get into this with his former parents-in-law.  I will judge him for putting you in a difficult position.

This, exactly. We're very happy he found love again. Speaking for myself, it's just that our grandparents are so toxic that while I get why he did what he did, he is making us be in a situation where we have to bold-faced lie to our grandparents because he's...scared of them, I guess? Or he just doesn't want to deal with them wanting to meet her when he knows how toxic and judgey they are to almost everyone. Whatever the case may be, it's really cruddy to make us bear the burden of it, because they do ask after him and ask, "What's he doing? Is he seeing anyone?" I'm not cool with having to be evasive or outright lie.

I'll let violinp share the actual details when she's ready, but the wedding was so lovely, and I'm pumped to finally have a brother(-in-law).

Triangulation.  It's so very difficult to be in the middle of two people you care about. 

But it's hard for me to blame him at all. It's your right to be in touch with these toxic people and to attempt to stay on good terms with them.  It's also fair of him to say he doesn't want you sharing details about his life with them.  I believe we all have that right to privacy.

Would it be easier for you if he cut them off completely or if he told them "I got married" himself?  I suspect you would you would still have to listen to them ask about him and/or complain about his choices- because they are toxic. 

I actually think it's a kindness of him to maintain limited contact with them and limiting the information they about him now seems the only way to do that.  For me, that's often a better choice than "I don't want to see you or have you know anything about my life". 

"As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons."


Like Like x 1 View List