Bad Manners and Brimstone

A friend is getting married in October, here in the northwestern part of the US (where it's already Fall like and cool).  Wedding is indoor/outdoor, starts at 6:30PM.  Is it acceptable to wear black  Or should I choose another color? Also, I should stay away from the same color the bridesmaids are wearing right?

I remember years ago Miss Manners had a letter from a heavily-pregnant woman whose only maternity party dress was black, asking if she really had to shell out for another expensive maternity dress that she would likely only ever wear once? The answer was, no, that would be unreasonable; just accessorise it with a colourful shawl or jacket and it will pass.

I would definitely not go in all black unless the couple were actually planning a black-themed wedding. And if you're at all in doubt about your black outfit, unless like Miss Manners' correspondent you don't have anything else you could wear, just don't choose it.

I have seen a lot of black worn at weddings (USA).  The "new" rule is that the neither the mother of the bride nor the mother of the groom are to wear solid black.  That most likely isn't even true anymore. 

The only color that is absolutely forbidden is solid white.

I agree that I think a black dress is just fine and I have seen a number of people wear them. I also agree that solid white is typically considered inappropriate. If I am wrong and black is also forbidden, I think that things are getting a bit crazy... at what point will no colors be acceptable? I think the real key with black is to just make sure that you do not appear to be heading to a funeral. Keep your make-up and accessories bright.

I don't think that the bridesmaids' color(s) are off limits either. I think it's wise to not dress so that you look like you are trying to be one of the bridesmaids, although with the trend to allow them to wear anything that can be tricky, too. But I have attended a few weddings wear I was wearing a similar color and I don't think I look tacky.

As a heavier woman with a strangely placed curves and bulges, the only dress that I look decent in is black. For weddings, I brought a pretty red lace "jacket" to go over it.

So I think black is fine for weddings as long as there's a splash of color. A scarf or bling or something. An obvious "party" dress.

I think this is cultural.  I’m in the U.K. and would never wear black to a wedding unless I had been specifically told to do so by the bride as until recently it would be incredibly rude (and suggest the wearer though funereal clothes were suitable).  The explanation I have heard for no black at weddings is that back in the day there were strict requirements for mourning and unrelieved black meant a woman had recently lost a close family member.  I read an old etiquette book that forbade black and said in explanation that no bride wanted to be reminded of the risk of being widowed on her wedding day.

Of course, these days I’m sure there are weddings where black is worn as the old rules are fading.  The rule may also have existed partly because, as was recently discussed on another thread, until recently U.K. weddings had to be held early and black clothes are possibly less common in the morning.

US here

I go to lots of weddings, and many, many women wear black.  It's the most common color, in fact, and not at all always accessorized with color.  And it looks just fine.

Now, I'm talking about evening weddings.  During the day, you would see much less black.

Because the point of the "rule," to the extent there is one, is simply not to look like you are going to a funeral, or like the evil fairy come to curse the marriage.  A black party dress with party shoes, bag, and jewelry doesn't look at all like either.  During the day, a solid black suit or dress or pants outfit might; I'd choose something else or add colored accessories. 

Maybe that's why it's different in the UK, where, I believe I have read here, wedding ceremonies must take place during the day.  UK readers: if there is a separate party at night, do women wear black then?

As far as not wearing the same color as the attendants, some people do seem to care about that, but there is no etiquette rule about it.  I can't imagine it's even an issue other than possibly for the bride's female contemporaries who don't want to look like they are bridesmaid wannabes.  Most guests aren't even going to have any idea (or have even thought about, let alone cared) what the attendants' colors are anyway before they get there.

As for mothers -- rules are really meaningless here!  The bride's vision is what matters, so try to wear whatever the bride asks you to, rules or no rules.  At my son's wedding, the bride asked her mother and me not to wear black, and she preferred we find something in green, which is what her attendants wore.  I found a green dress (different shade from the attendants); her mom didn't and wore a taupe color that harmonized nicely.  My daughter didn't care what color anyone, including the attendants wore, except for white, and I wore a black dress with magenta accents.  So there you are -- one wedding wearing the same color as the attendants, and one wearing black!

So.…. I bought one black dress about 6 or so years ago and have worn it to at least 5 weddings, summer, winter, autumn and spring in Australia.

I've never felt the need to accessorise it with anything colourful and I was certainly not the only one in black at any of the weddings I attended.

Go forth and wear black - I say!

Ack! Silversurfer I'm sorry, I hit dislike in error and I somehow went past the screen where I can edit it.

I actually agree 100% - black is my default fancy-dress, and I've worn it to multiple weddings and parties through the years!